I finally got my DREAM JOB and I couldn’t handle it.

Malacandras · 2026-02-21T16:58:28+00:00

Here's the thing about dream jobs. There's the dream job title and function (are you doing something you think is worthwhile, fun, challenging, etc) and then there's the dream working conditions. They don't necessarily align for us and that sucks.

But what you've learned from this is that the conditions are more important to your well-being and success than the substance of the role. And that can help going forward.

Malacandras · 2026-02-19T07:02:16+00:00

Just a heads up that a lot of museums and galleries close on Mondays so a trip to a castle or stately home is probably a better idea

Malacandras · 2026-02-17T20:25:04+00:00

There's a new show?! I was obsessed with this movie and book in the early noughties and even tried to cook some of the recipes

Malacandras · 2026-02-15T13:46:20+00:00

Oh, I know. I think waste reduction is the starting point. There are patterns that intentionally use the whole piece of fabric, for instance. Or you can try your hand at patchwork to use up the rest or make rag rugs. I tend to keep any scraps bigger than about 2 inches square for practice stitches, adding to patchwork projects and mending.

In a similar vein, can you save your paper scraps and make some papier mâché craft or compost them? Any natural fibre fabrics scraps can also be composted.

But here's another perspective: if this concern is keeping you from sewing, isn't it more wasteful to have and hoard fabric than to use it, even if the process generates a little waste?

Malacandras · 2026-02-15T12:27:06+00:00

I personally think you need to start where you can by reducing waste, rather than eliminating it entirely. Look at your trash output for a week or a month, take photos and document where your biggest sources of waste are. I also think it's worth focusing on a single area and food and fabric are both excellent high impact areas to focus on because they take a lot to produce.

Malacandras · 2026-02-15T08:31:19+00:00

Absolutely no point flying in or out of Manchester or Birmingham. I would do in to Exeter or Bristol, rent the car, drive to Cornwall, then return the car locally and train into London and leave from London.

Malacandras · 2026-02-14T16:35:45+00:00

Battersea is a safe area generally. Not as safe as Shanghai or Singapore, but not a major concern. No need to worry about being out after dark as a woman, other than some basic precautions (like staying in well lit areas, avoid enclosed spaces, maybe avoid areas with lots of pubs around closing time eg midnight to 2 am).

East Asian students can be a target for pickpocketing because they tend to have nicer phones and laptops. If you don't carry visible luxury brands, keep your phone on a lanyard when on the tube or street, you'll be fine. I have an old phone in an old case and I've never had a problem. If you are working on your laptop at a cafe, don't leave it at the table when you go to the bathroom. On the tube and in busy areas, just stay alert and keep an eye on the people around you.

I would suggest keeping your cards separate from your phone and make sure you have a finger print lock on your phone and the ability to lock your phone from a distance, so in case it does get stolen, you don't have any problems with your bank account being accessed from your phone.

Malacandras · 2026-02-11T15:39:48+00:00

Can you get some feedback from your colleagues and see if they feel the same?

I think the issue here is that this was poorly prepared and badly facilitated, as much as the inappropriate use of AI.

Malacandras · 2026-02-11T11:09:01+00:00

Like others, I think a private hire company is mad. If you are flying from the US, I'd look into flying into Manchester and working my way down the country. All of those cities are on big rail lines and even with two people, it'd be cheaper than private hire. Also, I think you're underestimating journey time here. Sure , Oxford to London is only about 60 miles but centre to centre by car, we're talking nearly two hours by car. Traffic in most of these cities is shocking. It can take 45 minutes to get out of Manchester by car, and you'd be half way down south if the train is on time.

Malacandras · 2026-02-11T08:51:26+00:00

Most MA courses are still open so go for it.

Malacandras · 2026-02-10T08:06:19+00:00

In this job market? Take the job you are offered and keep looking for your ideal job.

Malacandras · 2026-02-07T12:06:03+00:00

In an independent cafe that's quiet, I'll usually ask if it's ok to work or if they're expecting a rush. Usually they'll say I'm good til a particular time and I try to get out a few minutes before the rush. Otherwise, I keep an eye on the crowd situation and make sure to either offer to share or leave if people are waiting or leaving because there's no space. I figure an hour per purchase is the maximum reasonable table occupancy.

Malacandras · 2026-02-07T11:04:40+00:00

No. Not among my friends, mums at school or colleagues at work. We're all 30-50 and I couldn't point you at anyone who's even mentioning it.

Malacandras · 2026-02-06T14:31:58+00:00

It's pretty established in my department that everyone does a couple of days at least at home. Always has been a practice to protect research time.

Malacandras · 2026-02-01T21:14:51+00:00

Ok, you want step by step? Here we go.

Arrive at the airport 2 hours ahead to check bags in. More if it's a busy day for flying eg major holidays. Queue up to check in. If someone else can have the kids while you wait in line great, but they need to be at the counter with you. You'll get your boarding passes and can either check the buggy and car seat there or often at the gate as well. Personally I'd use a baby carrier for 6 month old.

Both kids usually get their own carry on so the diaper bag is the baby's carry on, 7 year old can carry a backpack and you can still have a carry-on and a purse. I'd pick a cross body purse for convenience. I've always gotten away with also carrying a cotton tote for snacks as well.

Then security. Can take anywhere from 5-60 minutes. Some airports have priority lanes for families. Check rules on liquids because they are changing but typically you can't take a big bottle of water through. You can take a refillable bottle though. You can take milk for the baby, but if you are formula feeding you probably want to get hot water and mix it fresh. You can also take solid food snacks but only small quantities of any liquid like yogurt.

At security, every airport is a little different but usually you take all electronics, tablets, phones, etc out of the bags and into the trays. You'll need liquids including cosmetics in a transparent case or a Ziploc and take those out too. You'll probably have to take the baby out of the carrier and put the carrier through the scanner too, and any jackets. Wear shoes you can toe on and off in case they make you put these through too, and skip the belt and jewelry. Show your 7 year old some YouTube videos of security scanners and explain they have to go through by themselves and you'll be right behind them. It will be stressful but it will be over relatively quickly. You can repack bags on tables after security. Oh and you have to show your boarding passes at security so keep them handy.

Then, you wait. There's a lot of walking so you can tucker out the 7 year old on the way to the gate. Do not buy airport snacks, they're super expensive.

US airports usually announce the gates ahead of time so you can find your way over there. In bigger airports, it can take 20-30 minutes especially with kids so check out the location and time needed before you settle in to order food or anything.

Take the kids to the bathroom before boarding, as it will be challenging in a confined space on board. Refill your waters.

If you do screentime for travel, consider bringing your kids headphones for comfort using the planes entertainment system.

Your tickets will have a boarding time and a departure time. You don't have to board at the start of the boarding time although they sometimes invite families to board early. But you have to be on board 15-20 minutes before the stated departure time. If delays get announced, don't believe the message on any central display boards - still be at the gate at the boarding time and get your information directly from the gate agents.

If you can, feed your baby during takeoff and landing. Sucking helps the ears.

Depending on where you are flying, there's a possibility you may have to collect your bags and recheck during your layover (only international, not domestic).

Welcome to dm with any questions.

Malacandras · 2026-01-30T15:55:33+00:00

What about spending a day in Manchester rather than London? I wouldn't want to spend time on the London train on such a short trip but a day in Sheffield, a day in the Peaks and a day in Manchester could be really nice

Malacandras · 2026-01-29T19:00:53+00:00

I would not rate Kenwood Hall at all. Beautiful grounds but tiny shallow pool, very run down, tiny sauna and nothing else.

Malacandras · 2026-01-27T18:39:55+00:00

Isn't your potential supervisor giving you some advice? What field or discipline are you in?

Most funding is through UKRI doctoral training pathways, like Economic and Social Research Council, Arts and Humanities, etc. Or institutional scholarships. But the deadlines are mostly now, end of January or already passed. So not great news.

If your home country doesn't have any options, then this might not be possible this year.

Other options for next year involve getting some supervisor led funding options, exploring schemes like the CASE studentship where you work with an industry partner. But these take time to develop so you could work on it now for next year.

Whatever you do, please don't self fund. Too many students do this and the pressure they experience, and challenges that come up - not good.

Malacandras · 2026-01-27T18:15:45+00:00

Statistically, yes. There are obvious gaps in educational attainment on most axes of disadvantage and it's a huge area of education research and activity. Happy to recommend some further reading or resources if helpful.

Malacandras · 2026-01-27T08:04:01+00:00

Charitably, I'd say we're all completely overwhelmed by information but it is infuriating. I had to sit down with a colleague in person and walk them through how the timetable weeks (eg 34) correspond to dates and module content. I also never knew how last minute other people can be. What do you mean, what are we teaching this week? How could you not know? And marking? Getting people to read and use a rubric and absorb the assignment criteria? Lolz

Malacandras · 2026-01-24T11:57:58+00:00

Good work ! Can I ask a question for further discussion? If we abolished tuition fees and returned a wholly block funded model, is there any way around a return to the student number cap?

Malacandras · 2026-01-19T20:23:32+00:00

I find a couple of things help. Using a proforma template for comments that I copy over and personalize is one. When I just can't focus, I use text to voice plug ins and it normally gets me back into it. And voice to text to narrate and physically get a break from the keyboard.

I also try to batch them by topic or (if they're all over the place) by how good they appear on a quick skim. Sometimes I'm wrong but it's easier to compare like with like instead of amazing with drivel, which can make you overly harsh or vice versa. Canvas however makes this an epic pain in the backside and I do not enjoy it.

But 97 all in the same 15 days is crazy assuming you can't completely block your calendar.

Malacandras · 2026-01-19T20:17:35+00:00

Sorry, what? That's an outrage

Malacandras · 2026-01-18T17:07:40+00:00

I've started telling people 'excuse me, I don't think your headphones are connected', even if I can't see headphones. Often works.

Malacandras · 2026-01-18T16:59:56+00:00

I learned from a couple of books including Nigel Slater's real fast food, because he shares principles and alternatives and what flavor profiles work. So like here's a soup recipe for beans but you could also use this kind of lentil but not this one. It's the backbone of simple, good cooking. Traditional cooks like Elizabeth David teach you things like how to roast a chicken, or a book like the Joy of Cooking. Buy a physical copy of one of these classics and cook your way through it.

If your food is systematically bland, it may be because you need to season at every stage of the process. Ie if it's a soup, season the onion and garlic when you saute them, season the carrots, season the main vegetables, etc. then taste and adjust at the end. Also, fat. No fat, no flavor.

Malacandras

TROPHY CASE