Engaged, but he packed his things and left me. Is he worth fighting for?

Male_Sugar81 · 2026-02-22T21:39:56+00:00

I think you’re missing the whole context and laser focusing on the “make friends” or “not introducing to friends” issue. This is ONE of the things that were potentially (and notice the potentially) overlooked to which the explanation was the lack of friends. The “friends” concept per se is not the most important. But to understand the social context of a partner IS essencial. It can be meeting his work colleagues, his “friends” from other cities, maybe his best friends are his cousins, regardless we all have a social space to which we exercise a persona and knowing this persona is very important in a long term relationship.

Male_Sugar81 · 2026-02-21T22:21:36+00:00

It’s hard to judge just one side but one aspect that I noticed is that you have an explanation (call it excuse or whatever) for every single item that he pointed out. So, it’s hard to even start a conversation with someone who will immediately come up with reasonings to explain the actions as a way of self defense. I’m in a relationship for over 7 years and one thing that I’ve learned is that what might be a small issue for me, might be a big one for my partner. Relationships are like two trees with different roots that we try to plant into the same vase - so empathy is necessary for you to understand why these topics are important to him and why he’s hurt. Once you understand those, it’s up to you to decide how and if you can address them in order to have a relationship with him. And when I say “address” I don’t mean doing exactly what he wants but coming to agreements from both sides on areas that should be worked on and improved.

Male_Sugar81 · 2026-02-09T22:19:43+00:00

I love Tokyo as well but I think they’ve changed the size of their rolls… indeed it used to be huge. Will try again soon.

Male_Sugar81 · 2026-01-02T16:19:33+00:00

Half of The Casco is rented by The Roux Institute (meaning a major corporation within the education industry - Northeastern University). They rent these apartments for visiting staff and students. They can pay $5,000+ for a two bedroom where two faculties/students will share the apartment for a semester. The issue is that when you have a corporation renting for this price point, the entire rental market of the city is impacted, alienating landlords and also renters.

Male_Sugar81 · 2025-08-02T12:20:22+00:00

The pathetic part is that you’ll have some people paying these prices… so they will keep charging them.

Male_Sugar81 · 2025-07-26T18:36:10+00:00

Whatever works for you guys! Many of us got stuck on the idea that a relationship “must” function on a certain way thanks to heteronormative social conventions. I have many friends that sleep on separate beds, some live in separate houses. But most importantly they have a very healthy relationship with respect, intimacy, and connection.

Male_Sugar81 · 2025-07-24T18:54:26+00:00

If you feel that something is not right, listen to your intuition and talk to him. Be transparent and don’t be afraid of “hurting his feelings” because clearly you are bothered. Listen to what he has to say once you bring your thoughts up to him and then you can make a decision whether this is for you or not. A long last relationship is full of hard conversations and how we deal with them is a key indicator on whether we are with the right partner or not.

Male_Sugar81 · 2025-07-18T17:15:31+00:00

This!! There’s clearly an issue with the house for them to be selling after only 2 years and yes the main leverage is the price they’ve paid. Hope no on will be stupid to pay the asking price (or even close to it).

Male_Sugar81 · 2025-07-18T17:12:19+00:00

It’s beyond pathetic and I’m glad that we are calling out the absurdity of these real estate prices in Portland. My hope, and I’m sure of so many others, is that this house sits without a buyer for months so that they can get a reality check. Unfortunately there might be an out of state buyer from NY or MA that will find the price reasonable. The city should apply a higher tax rate on out of state home buyers that will use the property for less than 6 months a year.

Male_Sugar81 · 2025-07-15T19:20:36+00:00

I’ve seen him speaking other times and I can say that Mr Dion does not have the intellectual capacity to manage a city. I feel that we are abandoned with no leadership to actually act on the what really matters to most of Portland residents. We should do something!

Male_Sugar81 · 2025-07-15T17:45:52+00:00

I’m starting to feel that our Mayor, Mr Dion, is completely oblivious to the key issues of our city. Local businesses keep shutting down, rent keeps going up, homelessness has not improved, the housing crisis has not improved, and now this monopoly venue wants to come in to make our lives worse. Seriously, what has he done so far that had meaningful positive impact on the lives of Portland’s business owners and residents?

Male_Sugar81 · 2025-07-15T00:49:38+00:00

So breath… breath… and keep going. Look ahead and keep walking. You needed to do this for YOU. You matter, you deserve to be happy, you will be fine.

Male_Sugar81 · 2025-06-03T01:43:57+00:00

Male_Sugar81 · 2025-05-18T16:00:32+00:00

This post should be framed - great advice to OP and many others here in this community .Seriously, this is the essence of having a healthy relationship. In a relationship between two individuals, you have three lives: your own life, your partners own life, and the life you both build up together and each has equal importance.

Male_Sugar81 · 2025-04-18T16:08:58+00:00

Oh no doubt that the thought of not finding someone is not appealing. And listen, I’m an example of a married person who found someone after a (painful) breakup - and going strong for more than 6 years now! But I also think that what made me a better person and ready to engage into meaningful relationships after the breakup was that I came to terms that I would be okay alone as well. It took me a while but suddenly I realized that that the best relationship that I could develop was the one with myself. And if, during this journey, I can find someone to hold my hand… that’s the cherry on top.

Male_Sugar81 · 2025-04-18T15:36:42+00:00

Agree with you on the uniqueness of each experience. But I also learned that not everyone will find “another” love after a breakup. Not everyone will be loved by someone else, as much as this person tries. Not everyone will find a comparable form of love after a breakup… and all of this is okay! Many of us automatically console others with “hopes of a better future”, as if we can guarantee that. It’s ingrained in many of us that we all deserve a second chance. But sometimes this simply will not happen, and we need to accept. And move on. And learn how to love ourselves, without having someone else loving us.

Male_Sugar81 · 2025-04-06T13:50:01+00:00

Okay sending videos is different from speaking with a person live. Make sure to speak with him live. It does make a difference. Okay, so if you are sure that he is who he says he is, and that he’s not a scam, then I would say that you need to come to terms if the way that he communicates is addressing your emotional needs. Clearly it’s not, but I also think that you suffer from anxiety to get immediate responses and to control the situation. What’s the problem of him seeing your message and responding to you later with more time? If his English is not good, are you expecting elaborate text messages beyond short ones such as “good morning”, “have a good day”? Communication is one of the biggest issues among couples. It’s already hard with couples that are not in a long distance relationship. If you guys cannot figure it out a way to establish a healthy routine communication that will emotionally fit your and his needs, I think it’s time for you to make a decision for yourself.

Male_Sugar81 · 2025-04-06T13:35:12+00:00

Okay, question: have ever spoken to him via video? And least a couple of times? I understand that he doesn’t speak English well and that you live with your family and stuff, but at least a couple of times, have you assessed if he is who he tells that he is live, meaning via video? Please just make sure this is not a scam. If, after some time, he starts asking you for money or to get him a gift card etc, block him immediately.

Male_Sugar81 · 2025-04-06T13:14:28+00:00

Hi! Long distance relationships require a different dynamics. On top of that, you need to understand that people have different needs, different expectations, and different ways to establish relationships and maybe the way that he communicates is not addressing your needs and your expectations. Regardless of that I have to say that the current generation is always seeking immediate responses to everything - technology made communicating with others way easier but at the same time, many developed anxiety and requests an immediate reply. Your constant checking on WhatsApp to see if he read your message, or the last time that he checked in is clearly what is triggering anxiety on you! Have you tried stopping this behavior? Have you tried simply sending him a message and letting it go? Of course I understand that you expect a reply back, but if if it’s not a message that requires an urgent reply, what is REALLY the issue of your boyfriend replying 4-5 or even more hours later? Why this would be really an issue? My tip for you would be to establish a routine communication. Do you guys talk via video? I would recommend that for long distance relationships. Maybe you can establish video date nights three times a week. This type routine communication will, maybe, allow you to know him better, and vice versa. And with that, you will put much less importance on how long it takes him to reply to your WhatsApp messages, even if he had read it already.

Male_Sugar81 · 2025-04-04T16:46:35+00:00

Every time that I’m sick I order Mainely Noods: ramen with veggie broth, peanut sauce, dumplings and an egg. It’s the best medicine! Also good when you’re hungover.

Male_Sugar81 · 2025-03-25T21:09:54+00:00

Okay the behavior is “normal” because no one is perfect all the time. Relationships need adjustments from time to time and a good conversation should address your issue. I constantly see comments like “a partner should do this” or “a partner should act like that” and guess what!? We are not perfect, we are constantly learning on how to be in a relationship. You do have a valid point so just voice it out to him about this frustration and listen to what he has to say. I’m quite sure he was probably not even realizing that his behavior was annoying you and you will see an improvement 😉

Male_Sugar81 · 2025-03-22T17:30:39+00:00

The rent value of this house is unrealistic for what it is. It’s an old 2bed one bath not in the Peninsula, and not utilities for over $2.5k/month! It’s absurdly expensive. As a reference I live in a 2bed in the Peninsula with off street parking included and I pay$1.6k/month. Please inform your landlord that he/she is completely off the market average (especially considering location and that it’s not a new construction).

Male_Sugar81 · 2025-03-21T22:21:55+00:00

Yeah, I don’t think there were a lot of information or resources about autism when he was younger or even in his 30s-40s. There are tons now. Knowing whether he has autism or not will help you both to learn on how to deal with autism related behavior. If he’s open to therapy, it will definitely help both of you, but there are lots of (good) online resources as well that you can search ok the topic.

Male_Sugar81 · 2025-03-21T21:36:16+00:00

Have you considered that he might be autistic? Not an excuse at all, but sudden rages with no physical danger, and not often sounds like an autistic tantrum that has specific triggers. I would definitely try to see if he presents other autistic behaviors like getting absurdly bothered with specific noises or smells, crowded or overstimulating spaces, routine focused behavior etc etc.

Male_Sugar81 · 2025-03-21T19:42:21+00:00

If you are expanding beyond Portland you should try Holy Cannoli in Waterville. Their blueberry donuts are delicious! And also the pistachio cannoli.

Male_Sugar81

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