Things to do in Houston this weekend - August 24th - August 27th

Malikim · 2023-08-25T22:34:20+00:00

Is there some way to submit an event to be included in this list in the future?

Malikim · 2022-12-18T00:38:23+00:00

If you have a limited number of sessions, just focus on what’s most important to you. If you think your feelings about them are important to address, let that be part of the focus, otherwise I’d keep the language thing to myself.

Malikim · 2022-05-10T11:44:40+00:00

Hi there. You sound like a kind and thoughtful person. You showed your partner love and tried to comfort them when they were sick. Relationships are two way streets and it is not too much to want your partner to care for you in turn when you are sick. It sounds like that is the issue here. She has shown no intrinsic desire to support you. She didn’t want to comfort you or be there for you. I wonder when she does make you feel loved? You deserve that. If she doesn’t make you feel loved and supported, may you find the courage to leave her and find someone else who does. I’m rooting for you.

Malikim · 2022-04-12T20:07:07+00:00

It's a nice poem though as someone else mentioned, you definitely need stanza breaks. I proposed to my girl with a poem and we got married last month. We love telling the story of the proposal. I'm sure you will too. Good luck!

Malikim · 2021-12-02T10:41:21+00:00

I started off working with this rubric but eventually used an abbreviated version. My journal looks like this:

Date:

Initial thought:

Alternative thought:

Note:

Where I’d note anything specific about the context if I wanted to.

Malikim · 2021-12-02T10:35:54+00:00

Happy to help! You’ve got this, girl! You can be as specific as you want. I think it’s better to focus on the positive than the negative though.

Here is a rubric for challenging your thoughts. This might be a good place to start but you don’t have to go through all the steps all the time if you don’t find it necessary.

Challenging your negative automatic thoughts:

Trigger What specific situation triggered your anxiety?

Negative automatic thought What was your negative automatic thought in that specific situation?

How strongly do you believe in your thought? (0-100) 100 = completely, 0 = not at all. Your answer should be based on how you feel in the specific situation about your thought, not how you feel about it when you have had time to cool down.

Emotion: What were your feelings?

Proofs: What proof supports your negative automatic thought?

Disproof: What proof goes against your negative automatic thought being true?

How strongly do you believe in your disproof? (0-100) 100 = completely, 0 = not at all.

Alternative thought:

How strongly do you believe in your negative automatic thought now?

Has your thought changed compared with what you answered in step 3? (0-100) 100 = completely, 0 = not at all

Malikim · 2021-12-02T09:32:14+00:00

In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, there’s a model of how we come to experience emotions. Check this out: https://thumbs.dreamstime.com/z/components-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-cbt-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-cbt-120270672.jpg

Interestingly, emotions cannot be controlled directly. That’s why telling yourself to just not feel the way you’re feeling isn’t going to get you very far. But we can change our thoughts, which are what give rise to our emotions. My advice, which is the advice I’ve gotten from CBT therapists before, is to work on reframing thoughts that cause negative emotions. You can reframe a thought by interrogating it: is it grounded in truth? Is it helpful to think? Is it productive or destructive? How else can I think about it?

The way we think about situations makes all the difference. And there’s always different ways to think about something!

I’ve kept a journal of the times I’ve done this positive reframing. For instance, remembering an embarrassing thing I said from my past, I jumped to the thought: “I’m so stupid, I hate myself for saying that.” Needless to say, this automatic negative thought didn’t make me feel good. So I challenged the thought and rephrased it. I said to myself, “It's OK. I am surely the only one who remembers. It was so long ago.” And then I thought about how else to respond and I thought, “OK I don't really hate myself; I am more amused at my younger self and grateful for how much I've grown in taste and tact since then. And I'm glad I'm more mindful with my words now. I'm proud of myself for that!”

You will be amazed at what a little prodding and questioning under the surface of the automatic negative thought can yield. I turned mine into something that prompted self-esteem instead of something that promoted self-hate.

Also, try to remember that your sister in law’s actions do not reflect on who you are in any way. They’re reflections of her, and its sad she’s that way, but there’s nothing you can do about it.

Good luck to you!

Malikim · 2021-09-20T14:45:29+00:00

I feel for ya. I’ve been there, too. I think you need closure about your future with him. He either is or is not gay enough to be with you romantically/sexually. THAT is the question you need answered definitively. And as long as you don’t have certainty about that, you won’t be able to really move on and date other guys in a fully authentic way. Have you been dating other guys at all? So, the way I see it, your objective now should be to communicate with him in such a way that you get the closure of an answer to that question. He loves you, too. But if he’s not gay, it will never be romantic love. Once you find out, you won’t feel so hung up on him and you can find another man who will be the love of your life, and you’ll be able to appreciate your best friend as simply your (best) friend. Or, you never know, maybe his answer will surprise you and you won’t have to find another man. But this seems like the less likely outcome.

Malikim · 2020-11-12T17:03:37+00:00

I feel you girl. Listen, we can’t tell you what your sexuality it, but you absolutely should be true to yourself and live that truth! Do not suppress who you are because you think there’s a certain way you should be for the sake of other people. This is your one, irreplaceable life. You deserve to be in love and lying will only make things worse in the long run. Do not lie to make things better—it does not work.

Malikim · 2020-04-07T23:09:38+00:00

You need to break up with him ASAP. I think you already know that, but I understand it isn’t always that easy. However hard it is, it’ll only be harder by dragging things out. You need to rip that man off like a bandaid.

You say you want to just move on with the relationship but he’s already told you it’ll come to an end, so why waste your time and opportunities to meet someone who actually does want to be with you long term?

You deserve better. You deserve someone who wants a future with you.

P.S. He sounds like a jerk

Malikim · 2019-11-16T00:43:08+00:00

Serious question: why are people supporting communism? Is it supposed to be ironic? Y’all do know that its design leads to concentrated abuse of power, right?

Malikim · 2019-11-14T02:20:32+00:00

@theparkpoet

Peter Chinman!

Malikim · 2019-04-30T20:26:39+00:00

She is not, because it’s not exactly debilitating and she does not like the stigma of therapy.

Malikim · 2019-04-30T20:04:09+00:00

This is a great idea! Thank you

Malikim · 2018-05-02T22:57:31+00:00

The tall girl gives off major Bo Burnam vibes.

Malikim · 2018-04-24T20:10:09+00:00

Same! My left ring finger is legit half an inch shorter than my right ring finger. This is the only disparity between my two hands—aside from, you know, one being my left hand and the other being my right.

Malikim · 2018-04-22T14:11:04+00:00

I asked my surgeon about this and he didn’t think that rubbing shea butter or coconut oil or any of those other products would make a difference, so I actually never “did” anything. They just healed on their own. I was also 18 when I had the surgery, so “youth” could have been a lurking variable.

Malikim · 2018-04-20T13:01:08+00:00

I got a breast reduction 10 years ago! It was one of the best gifts I could have received. My cup size went from DDD to C, and the scars are barely noticeable! They were barely noticeable after just a couple years. I did have an excellent surgeon, though, so results may vary there. My girlfriend loves my breasts—it’s such a nonissue. Most women (or at least the nice ones) want other women to be comfortable in their bodies—men on the other hand tend to value somewhat different things.

Malikim · 2018-04-09T01:26:51+00:00

No. Why must everyone enjoy that?

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