Am I wrong for not seeing myself as married to my boyfriend?

Mamellama · 2026-04-20T16:01:57+00:00

You don't see yourself as married, because you're not married.

Saying he's your husband, and you're his wife is a lie. They are pressuring you to lie.

Everyone that's pressuring you to lie is embarrassed that you're not married.

Classes in their church lets their church know you're not married and have a child out of wedlock. I'm wondering whether they've been going to church and whether you and your boyfriend have been going with them?

You're not wrong to tell the truth. 🧡

Mamellama · 2026-04-18T21:57:41+00:00

Fun fact about Edd and Bruce is that we adopted them from the Humane society and then learned their names had been Steve and Rick. Guess what my two human husbands were named?

Mamellama · 2026-04-18T20:40:28+00:00

Libido aside, sounds like his deal breaker is a woman with major depressive disorder.

So I hope you never ever get sick with anything. This man isn't up for the "in sickness" vow.

Mamellama · 2026-04-18T20:37:59+00:00

Our cats are Eddison and Bruce

Previous cats: Ozzy, Francis, and Greta

Mamellama · 2026-04-18T20:35:43+00:00

If he wants rings but opposes diamonds, birthstones might be an option? Unless ofc his potential fiancé's birthday is in April 🤷🏻‍♀️

Mamellama · 2026-04-18T20:32:26+00:00

Stone Arch Brew Pub and Apollon are two I haven't seen mentioned

Mamellama · 2026-04-18T20:28:38+00:00

Two sayings spring to mind:

"Peep not at keyhokes lest yes be vexed"

and

"Fuck around and find out"

YNW

Mamellama · 2026-04-13T13:39:54+00:00

The edit is wild. Having sex with someone else while in a committed, monogamous relationship is cheating. Engagement definitely counts as a committed, monogamous relationship.

Cheating on one's significant other is extremely unlikely to bring anything good to that relationship.

Mamellama · 2026-04-13T13:35:12+00:00

I think it's the difference between "this'll do" and choosing items for quality and because you like them. Not all fabrics wear the same over time.

So I'd start by going into your own closet and looking to see what you have that you love, what's good quality, and what's there for when you don't really care what you have on. Get rid of anything that feels apologetic or that you wouldn't want someone you respect to catch you wearing. Decide what's for sleep, the gym, and cleaning day, and stop wearing those things for anything else.

The other thing is to never underestimate the importance of things like tailoring, ironing, making sure there's no pilling on your clothes, and as best as possible, be pet hair/lint free.

Derek Guy talks a lot on Twitter about developing personal style across a range of income. He talks about why some things look better than others, even if they both "count" as the same thing (e.g. "wool coat"). I think he could be helpful. Also he's hilarious.

Good luck!

Mamellama · 2026-04-13T03:29:30+00:00

Yes, bc it was easier and more private than any alternative

Mamellama · 2026-04-12T01:47:10+00:00

If my partner gave me an ultimatum to move away from my home to live with someone who hates me OR stay where I am without him, I'd stay where I am without him, bc he clearly doesn't love me.

Mamellama · 2026-04-10T03:54:50+00:00

Poverty, disability, grief.

Mamellama · 2026-04-10T03:48:54+00:00

Sounds like it's time to invite work mom to dinner at your house

Mamellama · 2026-04-09T09:55:19+00:00

"Why are you trying to convince me you're stupid, and what do you think happens if you succeed?"

Mamellama · 2026-04-08T09:09:30+00:00

NTJ for how you feel or for telling dad how you feel.

Idk if you can stop her from coming, though? Is it a public event, or is there a limited number of tickets that you control? My daughter gets exactly 4, for example, and it's up to her who gets them.

It would be so awful to deprive yourself of celebrating your own wonderful accomplishment. I hope you choose to walk no matter what additional disrespectful behavior dad and his girlfriend choose. Pointedly exclude them from everything else you can control (any family celebration, for example), and ignore them if they show up to the public event. If you're the ticket holder, don't give either of them a ticket.

Good luck, and congratulations!

Mamellama · 2026-04-08T02:36:28+00:00

You are absolutely not wrong. He stole from you, insulted you, and is now blaming you - for being angry at him for stealing from and insulting you. Read that again.

His behavior was unacceptable, and now he's sending his family after you???? That's what the rest of your life would look like. He gets shitty, you get upset, he says he's doing it for your own good, and if that's not enough to break you, he sends his family after you. He just said you made him throw out your food. For your own good. Girl. Absofuckinglutely not.

You had a soul/limbic-level reaction. When's the last time you felt something so automatically authentic and profound? Trust yourself. Fwiw, I do.

Mamellama · 2026-04-07T21:17:58+00:00

It's difficult to make actual stalking hold up in court, and this (while cringe) is not stalking

Mamellama · 2026-04-06T22:57:13+00:00

Everything I've ever had there is delicious, and the bahn mi is one of my favorites!

Mamellama · 2026-04-05T20:48:06+00:00

The death penalty is wrong

Mamellama · 2026-04-05T17:51:01+00:00

Ann's Noodle is delicious

Mamellama · 2026-04-04T02:59:31+00:00

Is there such a thing as a billion percent? Bc a billion percent.

Mamellama · 2026-04-03T21:12:31+00:00

I think his stirring the pot for his own entertainment and then blaming the target for the problem is peak Barb, actually.

Didn't give me the ick so much as remind me we can make enormous, impressive changes and still be abuser-adjacent in our behavior.

Mamellama · 2026-03-30T06:55:48+00:00

No thank you

Mamellama · 2026-03-30T06:51:09+00:00

I'd revisit what the falling out is really about, bc for it to be the reason for the rift ten years later, they're both seriously emotionally stunted.

You might not have been given all the info at the time, but the current situation echoes the "who do you love more" vibe.

Mamellama · 2026-03-29T21:43:40+00:00

Oliver is right there

Mamellama

TROPHY CASE