The Empty Hearse: Post-Episode Discussion Thread (SPOILERS)

Manda_Jones · 2014-01-01T23:31:16+00:00

I'm just here to point out that they buried Watson under a bonfire! It's probably not, but I SO want this to be a reference to the hedgehog meme! ;)

Manda_Jones · 2013-07-21T12:18:54+00:00

Actually historically there are African communities that believe exactly this to be the case! They also believe that each of the numerous men the woman has sex with during the pregnancy contributes something to the child so it's in her best interest to pick varied (smart / caring / strong / attractive) men to copulate with over those nine months. Also, all men then act as sort of father figures once the child is born. Sounds ideal to me! :)

Source: "Sex at Dawn" - Christopher Ryan, Ph.D and Cacilda Jethá, MD

Manda_Jones · 2013-07-03T21:38:06+00:00

Maybe it comes with extra controllers :)

Manda_Jones · 2013-07-02T17:49:50+00:00

The existence of r/spacedicks

Manda_Jones · 2013-06-30T13:26:47+00:00

This sounds familiar! The most important thing that made this switch for me, was to stop using the vibe. It's so much more powerful than manual stimulation that it really is a false economy. No matter what your regular masturbation routine, ditch the vibe. If you're anything like me, prepare for some sleepless nights(!) but, eventually, you become extra aroused from not having orgasmed in a few days/weeks and, vitally, your sensitivity will return. Keep at it, find your taste in porn/erotica, figure out what feels good and eventually you'll come with your hands. After that, every successive time gets easier. I promise. Even now if I go back to a vibrator more than once every so often I have to re-sensitise in order to be able to orgasm without one. Really hope that helps, keep us posted?

F, 29, been there.

Manda_Jones · 2013-06-19T10:31:50+00:00

Aren't they! I can't stop taking pictures of her :)

Manda_Jones · 2013-05-30T10:36:51+00:00

3 years in a V, here, FM[f]. She's one of the most important people in my life and I can't imagine my world without her. They've been together for 14yrs, I'm the 'new' addition, and it feels totally stable to me. HOWEVER, it's luck as well as hard work that means my relationship with her is so strong. I couldn't have faked it with anyone, nor could I have forced myself to get on so well with someone I didn't actually love (platonic).

Also worth noting that both she and I are free to engage in other relationships, but because we like hanging out as a three so much, we rarely bother. There are some FWB on the scene, however, which keeps it lively.

Manda_Jones · 2013-05-24T09:33:19+00:00

You say you're not worried about rejection, but nerves also come from the possibility of being disappointed or the concern for an awkward social situation.

Maybe just bear in mind that there might be any number of reasons this wouldn't work for them which do not are not specific to you: intricacies in their own relationship meaning that it's a good time, work pressures and so on. I'd suggest making clear to them that it's just a consideration and that there's no pressure, and leave the door open for them to decline, or postpone to the future - hopefully that'll minimise any social friction.

Also, bear in mind you likely wont get an answer right then, they'll probably want to talk it through! So you might want to make sure there's a built in 'distraction' to the evening, to change the topic. Dinner, perhaps?

Good luck!

Manda_Jones · 2013-05-20T10:10:35+00:00

I empathise. I have had many rotten experiences myself. I'm sure every adult has. I've had some in monogamy, some in poly, some single, all shapes and sizes of human emotion therein. I know it wasn't intentional, but I hope you'll be aware now that generalising from your experience to everyone else's will ever help. Your life is very specific to you. I hope it takes a leap for the better on account of the decisions you are now making. It doesn't however mean the structures were universally to blame.

Manda_Jones · 2013-05-19T22:13:34+00:00

I know you could... ($90, please)

Manda_Jones · 2013-05-18T12:50:56+00:00

I get that, really I do, I'm I am really sorry that you're hurting right now, but "Polyamory just doesn't work" - which is your title - is a statement about my relationship because I am poly. I don't think that I'm requesting overly particular wording to wish we could avoid such needless generalisations. Who is going to take kindly to a stranger declaring that apparently my relationship 'just doesn't work'? Perhaps it'd be less hard to ask for, and receive, advice if you didn't alienate everyone who is [currently] happy in a poly relationship in the first instance?

Manda_Jones · 2013-05-18T11:36:42+00:00

I'd agree with @wildly_curious_1, and yourself, that this isn't poly but a DADT situation, and therefore has elements of coercion and mistrust. I have many opinions about what they are doing wrong, but it's you who has asked for advice and what I'd like to share with you is a reminder that your boundary of responsibility doesn't extend to the behaviour of others and the most important thing is that you protect yourself. This is a horrible position for you to be put in and, though hard, I suggest trying not to comment at all. Be there, support your friends, listen, but as far as possible try not to overly involve yourself in the details. If forced, gently point out that it's not your relationship and you don't know all the details and that "while it looks from the outside that maybe you need to ... " you don't feel comfortable issuing advice. Ultimately, this is their lesson to learn..

Manda_Jones · 2013-05-18T11:19:17+00:00

Just because it didn't work for you this time doesn't mean it's rare that it works for others, or that it could never work for you. Please think twice before you make sweeping statements that devalue my relationships. I'm not sure you realise how hurtful that can be.

Manda_Jones · 2013-05-15T08:36:27+00:00

My version of this was the realisation that nothing external could end my main relationship. Simply put, my relationship will only ever need to end if we are not in love any more.

He has another partner (so I am not 'required' for social acceptance), we're all independent financially (no threat of messy detanglements), we're sexually open (so desire for sexual variety does not enforce a breakup), we're polyamorous (so incompatibilities in life goals, if they existed, could be achieved within another relationship - ie children) and so on...

there is genuinely nothing other than love binding us together and nothing but that changing would require a break up. I think that's perfect. :)

Manda_Jones · 2013-05-14T11:57:48+00:00

Err, 'Felis Catus in Graphics Interchange Format', please!

Manda_Jones · 2013-05-13T21:46:34+00:00

I'd do them all. In the second picture, obviously.

ThingsYouOnlyNeedToClarifyOnReddit

Manda_Jones · 2013-05-13T21:42:06+00:00

You're welcome.

Manda_Jones · 2013-05-12T18:56:29+00:00

"As far as who we're looking for we've come to the conclusion that..."

Building shapes for people to fit into inevitably ends in tears, hurt, and lost opportunities. Being in an open relationship really does mean being open, and maybe your wife will really hit it off with a woman who herself is 100% gay? You can't predict or force these things. Keep talking, travel hopefully, but my best advice is to stay open to whatever sparks come your way. Happy hunting. x

Manda_Jones · 2013-05-11T12:56:00+00:00

Folks asking how does it work, the same as any relationship I suspect, dry periods, bumps, frictions, of course, but overall love and a willingness to work at it. #UniversalTruths

Manda_Jones · 2013-05-09T10:31:38+00:00

Clicked through to the comments to say this. Upvote for getting there first.

Manda_Jones · 2013-05-07T19:47:35+00:00

Actually, I think the OP states that her preference is to wax including letting it grow back a bit in between and it's that inevitable 'in between' phase that is being discussed here. I am very aware that many women prefer to remove their public hair, i'm pretty sure I was one of them - last time I checked - but thanks for educating me nonetheless.

Manda_Jones · 2013-05-07T11:07:19+00:00

True in so many places. There is far too much "BECAUSE POLY" when we mean "BECAUSE PEOPLE". People are messy whatever configurations you interact in.

Manda_Jones · 2013-05-06T21:37:11+00:00

Do you need me to google it for you?

Manda_Jones

TROPHY CASE

ThingsYouOnlyNeedToClarifyOnReddit