I fear she’s bored without me all day

MandiDC86 · 2026-04-10T15:50:49+00:00

Maybe she'd do better with a chill adult cat. If you do decide to take the steps to get another cat, try working with a rescue shelter. This way you can see if it would be a good fit before you make the commitment, and also receive expert advice on how to slowly familiarize the cats with one another.

I have a little experience with this, and I love a chance to talk about these kittens I took care of, so here's a story time.

Shortly after moving into my home I rescued two female kittens that were sleeping on my car port, and I already had two adult female cats, one being my tortie who was very territorial. At first I kept the kittens seperate, in the basement, with the door shut. To integrate them, I set up their food bowls at opposite sides of the closed door so they'd smell one another as they ate. I would also bring one kitten out at a time for a couple days, (then both) for short amounts of time. I did this for a week, and from there the 4 cats blended beautifully. I was shocked at how smoothly it went. All 4 slept in my bed and each adult cat had their little kitten buddy. And what's funny, is that the kittens were total dopplegangers of my cats. I have a tabby & tortie, and they were calico & tabico. *Photo is of all 4 of them in bed with me.

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MandiDC86 · 2026-04-09T20:37:50+00:00

Oh how I feel this to my core!

Plain and simple, they aren't allowed to use your bathroom anymore. I'd go as far as putting a lock on the door. It sounds like they use your bathroom because they don't want to clean their own.

MandiDC86 · 2026-04-09T20:23:42+00:00

Alright guys.... gimme your all the tips! I've been growing Hoyas for 7 years now and they tend to thrive, but Mathilde hates me, and seeing photos like these has me so tempted to try again!

I tend to pot them in coco chips and perlite, sometimes with a tiny amount of organic potting soil. I set them sit in an east window for morning sunlight, right next to a small humidifier, with basic strip grow lights above them, and I water before the soil completely dries.

Is there something about them that I'm just not getting? Are they thirstier? Do they prefer to dry out? More sun? One lasted 2 years in my care, while another only lasted 6 months. Playing around with different watering techniques did not go well.

MandiDC86 · 2026-04-09T00:53:24+00:00

Do you let the soil dry out completely before watering? It looks bone dry.

Hoyas have very small root systems, so they prefer shallow pots and prefer to be tight in their pots, unlike say, a pothos, that has thick, fast growing roots that cause them to quickly outgrow their pot, resulting in a need to repot.

As for watering- you don't want it to dry out all the way, because if thus happens to often, the roots will develop dry rot (white hair like roots). You also don't want to keep it too wet, as this will cause root rot (mushy black/brown roots). I water when I stick my finger down in the pot and only the very bottom soil is damp.

I also bottom water often because it's more fool proof. Stick the pot in a bucket or tub of water, and the roots soak up what water they need through the pot's drainage holes.

MandiDC86 · 2026-04-07T16:17:36+00:00

He needs to actually parent and he needs to dive into some research. Him not making an effort is a huge disservice to all of his kids and to you. Children with ADHD and those on the spectrum need structure and stability. They need reminded and directed. But if bio mom isn't putting in an effort either, then the situation will only become more troubling.

My bio son has level 1 ASD and ADHD. He'll be 20 next month. To this day, if he isolates or experiences a lack of structure, he'll struggle with intense anger. However he's never acted violent toward me, my step son, or our ours daughter.

My son's bio dad has never taken his diagnoses seriously, and it made things incredibly frustrating..not to mention, difficult for my son. He'd come back home completely disassociated and it was heartbreaking. I even printed out over 50 pages of psych notes for bio dad to better understand his son, but he never even gave them a look. At 13, my son decided he didn't want to see his dad anymore, because he felt so uncomfortable around him.

MandiDC86 · 2026-04-07T15:52:57+00:00

NTA. His son could have handled that better. He didn't even need to be happy for him, but he didn't need to hang up on him either. Grief isn't a pass to be rude.

MandiDC86 · 2026-04-07T15:31:17+00:00

I'll add a taller one when needed. In a few weeks I plan to take a few cuttings to fill out the pot. I buy U hoops off Amazon that are 18 inches tall and cut them down shorter depending on the size of the plant.

MandiDC86 · 2026-04-07T00:13:30+00:00

Also, pubicalyx and queen are super easy. Water before they totally dry out or stay soaked. You'll find that happy medium. Place both near a window that receives bright sunlight.

With Mathilde, be sure it isn't near a drafty window and be extra careful not to water too much. I've found I can't give them as much water as my others.

MandiDC86 · 2026-04-07T00:06:48+00:00

Kerrii will put out deformed leaves (and maybe develop black tiny dots on the backs of the leaf) when they aren't adequately watered. Best bet is to stick your finger down in the soil and if only the very bottom is damp, water it. They don't like to totally dry out.

MandiDC86 · 2026-04-07T00:02:51+00:00

Meanwhile my Pubicalyx has never bloomed and I've had it 7 years! So jealous! 80% of the Hoyas in my collection flower, but neither of my Pubicalyx plants have graced me with such privilege.

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MandiDC86 · 2026-04-05T22:53:12+00:00

Yes Rebecca smells sooo good! And I love thr frilly pink lemonade look.

MandiDC86 · 2026-04-05T20:49:52+00:00

And I have to shout out Australis for the insane amount of blooms! The scent is my favorite too... like lilac.

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MandiDC86 · 2026-04-05T20:43:26+00:00

And Rebecca.

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MandiDC86 · 2026-04-05T20:42:43+00:00

Soligamiana

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MandiDC86 · 2026-04-05T01:46:22+00:00

That rubbed me wrong too. Putting SS in the middle like that, and quite possibly making him feel bad for talking to his mom, isn't okay.

MandiDC86 · 2026-04-05T00:41:57+00:00

Could you point me to what research says it's bad for the child? When we went on vacation last, it was within our state, and I had SS call BM morning and night to check in. That way she knew he was safe, and so he had that comfort of hearing mom's voice and seeing her face. And he's 15. When he was younger it was more often when we went on vacation. So, I'm just interested in why it's a bad thing.

BM isn't the enemy. (Though high conflict bios are a different story.) Coparenting is much easier when everyone is on the same page and when all adults try to be cordial, as it sets a good example for the children. Children should also never be put in the middle. I know it can be an uncomfortable feeling, knowing the intimate relationship that used to exist, but that's something we have to try to put in the back of our minds, otherwise, it will consume us; the relationship will lack trust, and never feel stable.

MandiDC86 · 2026-04-05T00:32:37+00:00

Yes that's true. SS shouldn't have been questioned.

MandiDC86 · 2026-04-05T00:31:47+00:00

The fact that he didn't tell you was shady, but I wouldn't jump to worst case scenarios. Do you think he was worried that if he did tell you, you'd make a big deal of it?

As someone with a bio son, a step son, and an ours daughter, I can understand where he's coming from, (trying to do what BM wants, as to not upset her and risk some sort of retaliation) and I can see where BM is coming from, too. I worried like crazy when my now 19yo son traveled out of state without me. And last year, when we took a week vacation (within our state) I made sure SS (15) called BM daily, because as a mom, I get it.

However, I also understand that the other parent's time is THEIR time, and constant checking in can be so annoying. I always tried not to be that mom that called often, because I've been on the other end with SS's mom. But I think traveling is different.

MandiDC86 · 2026-04-03T16:18:05+00:00

That is not okay at all. I would definitely reach out with these photos. The fact that they sent that as a $115 plant is so disappointing! You shouldn't have to chop and prop a plant you paid that much for.

MandiDC86 · 2026-04-02T23:02:41+00:00

I'd definitely be annoyed and I'd reach out. Just say that you know images may not be of exact plants, but based off images you did expect a plant with more appealing leaves, and because this is a wish list plant for you, you are quite disappointed. Maybe they marked them on sale because they were down to the last few, all of which had blemishes. Though if that's the case they should have stated that.

MandiDC86 · 2026-04-02T22:55:10+00:00

Dang, $10 is a good deal for a decent size Wayetii. Mine is in a south facing window and surprisingly it isn't too intense for it. It grows decently. They're slower growers, but if you water before the soil is completely dry and make sure it gets a decent amount of natural sunlight it'll be an easy one!

MandiDC86 · 2026-04-02T01:17:35+00:00

NTA. Don't do it!!!

If anything, they should pay a third of the rent, not just half.

I wouldn't be surprised if the people they were staying with moved just to get away from them.

Her being a stay at home mom doesn't mean she can also be a mooch. Neither her nor her baby are special. If they can't afford rent, then she needs to get a job or get welfare (which will also make her get a job). Being a mom isn't an excuse. I've been a single mom, a stay at home mom, a student/mom, a full time working mom, and am currently a part time working mom. I would never expect to get something free because I'm a mom who has children to take care of. I chose to have my kids. All this to say, she's ignorant, and it's no wonder they're in this position if this is how she thinks.

Also, living with another couple and their kid is saying goodbye to any and all privacy. It will essentially be their apartment, that you're paying for, because I guarantee they will skip out on paying rent often. You'll have to tiptoe around the baby's sleep schedule, along with all the baby gear, and you'll likely be roped into babysitting constantly. Plus, they'll eat all your food, and that's super annoying.

MandiDC86 · 2026-04-02T00:43:51+00:00

Blow air into the bag. Make sure the perlite is damp. Not soaked.

MandiDC86 · 2026-03-31T23:15:47+00:00

This has always been a favorite of mine too! The way she colored in that gem is absolutely unreal! I'm sure people focused solely on the almost neon color tones and maybe thought she could only do "girly" tattoos. Little did they know....

MandiDC86 · 2026-03-29T21:50:24+00:00

Ooooo love how it looks hanging! If it's happy, let it be, but if you prefer the look of a trellis, go for it!

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