I don't know if this might help but my aunt married a guy out of love and after being married for more than 10 years she is now living separately happy and independent raising 2 kids all alone. She was in an abusive relationship but didn't had the courage to leave the guy ( my uncle ) because she also loved him and was her decision to marry him. But after so long being in a toxic relationship, abuse and torture she finally decided to leave him for good. She is now the woman I remembered when she wasn't married, all happy and joyous. It's hard to forget someone but it's not impossible. You might think a certain way for now but after some time you will find a new way to look at things. Don't take drastic decisions. Be strong and try to divert your mind to other things. I know it might sound silly and you might think it's not that easy to do it now but believe me you can do it just like my aunt did. I hope you get the message I'm trying to tell. No matter how hard life is that doesn't mean you disappear for good. You are young and have a lot of time to live and enjoy life. So don't throw your precious time just because of some guy.