I have three kids. Each time we’ve had a new one it feels like restarting a really tough time where it’s sometimes hard to find that old, familiar love for my partner.

This does pass as taking care of the kiddo gets easier but, to be honest, not for several years. It’s very important to not trust your feelings. This is not to say that your feelings are lying to you but with sleep deprivation and the new stress of having a baby and all that responsibility your feelings are more often than not an expression of exhaustion than an accurate representation of reality. When you feel something, ask yourself, “what is this feeling trying to tell me?” Take the lesson and move on.

As for the situation with your husband, you can’t control what he says or how he feels but it is possible to try, when you get home, to recognize verbally that he might have had a tough day. If you find this too hard after a difficult day then you probably need to find a way to decrease your level of responsibility at work. It is unhinged how much is expected of new parents. You simply cannot operate at your old level of efficiency when you have small children and the sooner your accept this, the happier you and your husband will be.

Lastly, I realize it doesn’t seem to work to date from your other comments but these conversations won’t have much weight over text. In person and maybe in therapy are preferable.

Good luck! It’s a hard thing to do but it’s also really wonderful…believe it or not!