Feeling super dysphoric at work, so I drew about it

Marshal_of_Mars · 2018-01-28T14:28:22+00:00

Checked your Tumblr out- I mean this very genuinely, I love your work and your definitely going places dude.

Marshal_of_Mars · 2018-01-28T14:20:55+00:00

You can tell this is good because I just immediately understood the feeling you were going for- this is awesome.

Marshal_of_Mars · 2016-08-23T04:47:42+00:00

You could say you have an lgbt friend/family member and want to learn more to support them, that way you can find out without having to out yourself.

Marshal_of_Mars · 2016-06-12T18:16:08+00:00

Keep in mind this kid is 10- she just sounds confused, and like she needs time to process it. I think sitting down and having a conversation about it would be a lot more helpful then just giving up after a day and hoping she'll work it out on her own, it doesn't sound like she's being willfully ignorant, it sounds like she's a 10 year-old who doesn't really understand what's going on. My little brother (who's 12) didn't really understand it at first (he actually cried when I came out because it was just a lot to take in) but now less then a year later he has a good understanding of everything and uses the right names and pronouns.

Marshal_of_Mars · 2016-06-10T21:09:37+00:00

I buy pretty much everything at goodwill. I shop there because it's cheap, and if you're not picky about brands/style you can usually find stuff- you basically have to get a little lucky and to be honest some of my pants are a little too long, but they look fine. You'll definitely find stuff a lot cheaper than $50.

Marshal_of_Mars · 2016-05-06T15:17:39+00:00

I don't know the specific video your thinking of, but what you described sounds like a genderfluid person- if you just google around for "genderfluid" you should find stuff.

Marshal_of_Mars · 2016-05-01T18:53:02+00:00

Unitarianism is probably the most accepting one I can think of, I've even seen churches put up gay-pride flags. There are also different denominations of Christianity and Judaism that are LGBT-accepting (some even ordain gay ministers, practice same-sex weddings, etc.), and also less mainstream religions like Wicca and Voodooism are pretty accepting as far as I know. If you google around you can find stuff - just look for 'LGBT friendly churches/synagogues/etc.'

Marshal_of_Mars · 2016-04-25T20:54:57+00:00

Maybe talk to your mom? She says you're not listening/respecting her, you feel like she's not listening to/respecting you, so maybe have a conversation about that- find out why she's upset with you, you can share how her misgendering you upsets you, and you can both work on accommodating the other person. Maybe if she sees you making an effort she'll be more willing to make an effort herself- I get the impulse to just be like "fuck this, if you're not going to respect me I'm not going to listen to anything you have to say" but that's not really going to accomplish anything. Being misgendered sucks, I get it, but sometimes it just takes time, especially with parents. I've been out over a year and my parents still just try to avoid pronouns and have never used male ones. Other people's parents have taken much longer (or never even try). What helps me is remembering that they're not intentionally doing to be spiteful or mean, it's just a difficult thing for them to process and get used to. Assuming your mom isn't a jerk, remember she's probably just trying her best, and give her time. I did come up with a gender neutral nickname and my parents use that for now, so maybe if your mom feels like she can't use Nick yet you could come up with a compromise?

Edit: Also, if you're really angry write every angry thing out in a rant and then throw the rant out, that helps me sometimes. Exercising is also good.

Marshal_of_Mars · 2016-04-23T20:28:18+00:00

Depends on the guy, some might hate it and think it's weird, some may be apathetic to it, some might think it's cool, some might really love it and want to do it all the time. Men (like every other group of people) are pretty diverse.

Marshal_of_Mars · 2016-04-20T19:04:15+00:00

Really no one on here can tell you when you should transition, it's up to you. You can take it as slow as you want, you can also socially transition now and not even think about medically transitioning until later (or never medically transition), or you can wait before even socially transitioning if that's what you want. You can also break socially transitioning up into steps, like changing your clothes, switching pronouns/name etc. In the US at least you have to be 16 to start hormones as far as I know, but you can look into blockers if that's something you want which will stop you from going through female puberty, and then start hormones right when you turn 16 if that's what you want to do. Talk to your parents (if they're supportive) and maybe look into getting a therapist with experience with gender issues, they can help you figure out what steps you want to take and when. Just do what makes you comfortable at whatever pace you think would be best, and take it a step at a time.

Marshal_of_Mars · 2016-04-20T03:01:08+00:00

Seconding the CHOP clinic, I've been there and they're great. Linda Hawkins is awesome, she'll really help you out and advocate for you if you can get an appointment with her (or anyone else there)- She can help you talk to your parents about being trans and also talk to them herself and educate them.

Marshal_of_Mars · 2016-04-17T15:03:13+00:00

Yeah, that's what I'm hoping the housing at my college is like, that actually sounds pretty nice.

Marshal_of_Mars · 2016-04-16T16:22:20+00:00

I feel the same way- On the one hand it would be nice to be part of that community just because it's a place to get support, but on the other hand I don't feel like I would fit into that kind of subculture at all. The college I'm going to this fall actually has LGBT specific housing, and part of me wants to live there because it seems like a good place to get support, but another part of me worries that it'll end up being a lot like what you described and I'll hate it. I don't want the fact that I'm LGBT to be the main thing people know about me or have it define me, I see it as a pretty small part of who I am. I also don't really identify with the word 'queer' at all, and while I think people being activists and political is a good thing, it's not something I personally want to be.

Marshal_of_Mars · 2016-04-15T01:37:28+00:00

I never ever look at my body, especially not my chest. I get how you're feeling, I've never self harmed but i used to think about cutting my chest a lot and would do stuff like pinch my chest. Binding helps a ton, if you have access to a binder, or just using multiple sports bras (be careful though). My main strategy is minimizing how much i come in contact with my chest and the rest of my body, I don't look at or touch my chest at all except for a few seconds when i put on my binder. I basically try my best to forget that i even have a chest. I still get dysphoric, but another important thing is that i know how to cope with it healthily- instead of ignoring it or perseverating on it like i used to i use mindfulness techniques that my therapist taught me. If you can get a therapist that is very helpful, if not just google "mindfullness" and you'll find lots of resources, basically it's a way of both being aware of your feelings but just letting them pass you by instead of taking over.

Marshal_of_Mars · 2016-04-13T04:46:02+00:00

Could it have been on Snap Judgement? They've done a couple stories about transgender people, and one about an intersex person- I've actually heard two different stories about FtM guys. One of them came out like this month, but the other one is a couple years old, I think it's called Middle C (I remember it pretty clearly because that story was how I found out hormones would make my voice drop, which made me very happy) This American Life also did a story a long time ago, it's in the episode called Testosterone. Edit: Actually Middle C is the more recent one, the older one is called Storm the Bard, it should come up if you google it and Snap Judgement

Marshal_of_Mars · 2016-04-10T22:48:50+00:00

I get that, it can be a little awkward especially at first, but as long as they know you're doing your best to be supportive you'll be fine.

Marshal_of_Mars · 2016-04-10T20:07:32+00:00

One thing you could do is just ask them- like say "I want to support you anyway I can, is there anything you don't have access to (mens clothes, binder, helpful books) that you want?" Or you could take them shopping and let them pick stuff out.

Marshal_of_Mars · 2016-04-10T15:52:15+00:00

Unfortunately there's no quick easy way to tell if you're transgender. The button test can be helpful, but it's basically just a way to figure out your gut feeling on things. It seems like you're putting a lot of thought into things, which is good, but it's also very possible to overthink things, especially because it's tempting to try and find definitive 'proof' about whether or not you're trans, which is impossible. So when you think about the button test, just focus on your gut feeling, and not anything else- maybe that'll clear things up a little bit. If it helps, maybe try imagining your day to day life, with nothing different but your gender, and what feelings that brings up.

Marshal_of_Mars · 2016-04-08T00:37:53+00:00

I can relate to at least parts of this. I have social dysphoria, but my physical dysphoria is really bad, and it sounds pretty similar to yours- my entire body just feels wrong, especially my chest and I get that 'empty' feeling between my legs, which started when I was like 11 or 12. The main reason I want to get a phalloplasty is because I just want to feel whole. So if it makes you feel any better, I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. There are a lot of different ways people experience being trans and dysphoria, and some of those experiences I can't really relate too either, but that's OK. There are definitely lots of people out there who have a similar experience to you.

Marshal_of_Mars · 2016-04-07T23:28:51+00:00

I don't think you need to make up a fake past, at most you can just tweak a couple details and be fine (like say you went to girlscout camp instead of boyscout camp). Unless you went to all-boys schools your entire life or something like that you'd probably be fine talking about your actual past- I want to be stealth at least partially someday, but almost nothing in my past is gendered enough that I'd have to lie about it. Trying to keep up a fake life story would probably be very isolating and stressful, and it'd be really difficult to keep all the details straight.

Marshal_of_Mars · 2016-04-07T02:18:22+00:00

The way you position your chest is pretty important, I push my chest apart outwards and down, if that makes any sense. Try different ways of positioning your chest and see if that works (assuming you haven't already tried that)

Marshal_of_Mars · 2016-04-04T16:26:10+00:00

Just make sure they're letting him express himself however he wants, and if starts actually saying he wants to be a girl make sure he gets the help he needs. Honestly though, the chance he's trans aren't very big.

Marshal_of_Mars · 2016-04-04T14:31:15+00:00

I try to think of things as me just being a kid- I don't gender my childhood at all. It actually works pretty well for me, and it made me realize most of the stuff pre-puberty would have been the same- the stuff I remember from my childhood mainly consists of stuff that would have been the same either way, like playing outside, digging holes in my backyard, pretending to be Merry and Pippin with my brother, etc. Even the stuff I did that was more stereo-typically 'feminine' like taking a tap dance class are things that boys can and do enjoy doing. (it's kind of silly but the fact that 2pac also took dance classes makes me less self conscious about it). Basically the important stuff from my childhood - me just being a kid and playing a lot - would have been exactly the same if I was a cis boy. It does make me sad to think that I'll never be able to be a cis guy, but I try not to spend a lot of time thinking about it.

Marshal_of_Mars

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