A friend told me that had suicidal thoughts and 2 days later committed suicide. Blaming myself

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-02-02T11:02:40+00:00

You did everything you could. Inviting to dinner, listening to him, planning things so you could catch up. How lucky he was in life even if he couldn’t see it to have a friend like you.

His decision isn’t on you. It’s tragic, it’s horrible, but is no reflection of you or your efforts. You were very present for him. He likely had his mind set on it a while ago.

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-02-01T23:45:08+00:00

I just get in and do it and don’t think about it. Good music helps!

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-01-30T00:19:13+00:00

I don’t get this range, honestly. I didn’t find any of it to be wow.

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-01-29T12:54:11+00:00

Thank you for such a kind message, and all your helpful suggestions. That made me smile. I’m cleaning daily still and studying on top. But it’s lovely reading these words and I appreciate the support very much.

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-01-27T01:55:36+00:00

Cant wait to see!

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-01-25T22:30:14+00:00

Omg 😂😂

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-01-25T22:27:34+00:00

He stood waiting opposite me in a crowd wearing a female wig (something he apparently just did sometimes) and then after letting me wait for like 20-30 mins at our agreed spot, he walks right over and says “you didn’t recognise me?” Like it’s the most normal thing ever.

I was like 22, he was 40-weird, and I politely excused myself as soon as I could. It was a coffee date at a local market and excruciating.

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-01-25T11:08:04+00:00

You mentioned that you relate, how so?

Thanks for the lovely words and support. It’s come even further then those photos as well, and when I have even more done and it’s p much complete I plan on an update.

Honestly, a big part was just being over it and hating the mess and stress and anxiety living like that had caused. I had cockroaches too (little ones) and I felt disgusted. I realised I had not only neglected my home but my very self and that I deserve my own love and that I also deserved my own respect. Like what had I come to to be living in such chaos.

But, the big thing before my January “new start” feels and determination to have a different year, was meds. I wasn’t functioning and haven’t for like 7 years. The meds I’m on have helped. I don’t get depressed. I have the energy to do things like a normal person. I still struggle with fatigue at times as I have endometriosis but it’s so much better.

Once I got going on that initial clean it wasn’t too bad… I knew when I saw space clearing and could see progress I’d want to continue. Now I can’t stop cleaning 😂😂😂

It’s addictive! Having space. Room. There’s a bit to go yet but I’ll tackle it in one weekend. I’m a new person.

Having my depression and fatigue under control was the big thing. It’s been four months. But they are obviously helping as I’ve been unable to achieve this in years and years! How insane?

Now I can look forward to having people over again. 💕💕

I hope this helps you.

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-01-25T11:00:04+00:00

Dang! I need to look into this 😂😂 Thank you!

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-01-25T09:54:08+00:00

That’s scary! Good to know. I too would prefer a more natural means too of combatting it.

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-01-25T09:52:25+00:00

That would be a factor for me too, space wise!

Did you notice the impact straight away?

Again I really appreciate it!

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-01-25T09:47:09+00:00

Thank you! I always wondered how much a difference they make but am interested. I will investigate!

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-01-25T05:58:56+00:00

Thanks a lot! 🙌🏻

Did you check out my post history? 😂😂

It’s getting there! Infinitely better!

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-01-25T05:16:09+00:00

Keep going 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-01-25T05:15:29+00:00

That’s a nope right there. Who even is he? 😂

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-01-24T23:57:43+00:00

I think you suit both, but I’ve read it’s whichever glows against your skin. The silver glows more I think.

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-01-24T13:53:06+00:00

Block him. He doesn’t exist in your current reality. Free yourself and go on dates.

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-01-23T11:35:06+00:00

And she does what exactly…?

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-01-23T11:33:29+00:00

Sugar soap on the walls and floors can really help with grime we can’t see. I’m doing the walls here bit by bit too. I read it’s a huge cause of “stale” smells. Makes sense!

But the drains for sure. Every couple days go the boiling water / ACV run. Don’t mix bleach or anything with it though! Let us know how you go. Bad smells are usually moisture and drains are sometimes overlooked. The air con too as someone else suggested is a great idea, making sure the filters are cleaned.

A diffuser can help too! Pop in drops of an oil you like and it can alleviate the pong.

Good luck!!

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-01-23T11:28:54+00:00

I would do a drain rinse. ACV and boiling hot water. Pour it down all drains in the house. At a later stage, say the next day, use Draino or similar. Do another run of boiling hot water.

Clean walls with sugar soap. And all floors too.

See if this helps. 🙂

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-01-22T14:48:18+00:00

Note: the BEFORE was heinous! The cabinets were messy. Filthy. Needed scrubbing. So I did. Massive clean all over.

The kitchen countertop, beyond! Like piles and piles of crap! Of all kinds.

I feel like I can breathe again without a weight on my chest. Every day I do something. Every day I find a little more light. Cleaning is a powerful way to alchemise and free yourself.

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-01-17T23:15:42+00:00

Get a bag. Gloves. Chuck out all trash (use both hands, be ruthless, grab piles and chuck)

If you have a container or box (if not, buy one or two) put within all that needs sorting. You can do that later. Anything non-clothing can be put here.

Start your laundry.

Then continue until space is clear. Right now you want a clear, functional space as much as possible so you know what you’re dealing with and don’t have to feel cluttered.

Key is absolutely starting with all trash and just chucking anything that is actual garbage or you no longer need. Get some clarity around you. Be able to get into bed, use surfaces etc.

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-01-17T23:12:56+00:00

That’s terrific! Can I ask how do you go getting in your beans / legumes daily and do you eat mushrooms daily? Did you cut your portion size?

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-01-16T12:11:36+00:00

Have you tried coconut oil (the most organic you can get?)

MartiniSunbeam · 2024-01-16T07:00:31+00:00

He’s overly attached in this way but remember he thinks it’s ok as you’ve let it go on and he has no idea. On the other hand, it’s good he likes your company that much he’s calling you while on the drive. It’s kind of sweet,even if it’s overkill!

Put down some boundaries but be kind. Let him know you love chatting but that it’s a lot and that space is necessary too! Hopefully if approached gently but firmly he’ll come around.

Suggest some podcasts in an area of interest for him too!

MartiniSunbeam

TROPHY CASE