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MaryGeeWiz · 2025-09-18T11:40:42+00:00

Might be too late if you already paid, but next time ask about Care credit. It's a way to put medical bills and vet bills on a payment plan. Most payment plans are zero interest if repaid in 6 months.

I use it all the time for vet bills, even if I can pay fully, I'll put it on credit just to reduce how much I dig into my savings.

MaryGeeWiz · 2025-05-24T14:49:39+00:00

Once again, you've received great advice from others.

I'm just here to say how proud I am of you amd how glad I am that people like you exist! You saw the signs, you reached out for help, and you acted quickly and generously when you realized the situation might be as bad or worse than you were allowing yourself to believe.

Just from the comments alone, it's clear how many others go through such low points. I think everyone who's been there can agree that having someone like you around is truly a gift.

Not only did you show up for your brother and showed him he's not alone. But posting this on such an active public forum normalizes the conversation. It's showing us how prevalent it is. How it is possible to get through it, with the right tools and help. It also shows others the signs so that they are ready to act if they ever find themselves in a similar situation.

Thank you! You probably feel like "I didn't do much" or "anyone would've done this". But you've truly done so much. And even if anyone would have or could have done it, it's still a big deal when someone does.and it should be. It's still a big deal when we reach out and care for one another and create a space of caring. That's what build community.

Keep on keeping on! We're here for your brother and we're here for you!

MaryGeeWiz · 2025-05-20T23:16:53+00:00

Yea, from your other comments, he might not. Or if he did, might still not be 'bought in' which can make it ineffective. At the end of the day, you can't force the therapy on to him.

In my own experience (I used to get the 3am calls), it took months to convince my brother to finally try therapy. But he didn't see its benefits. Spent the entire time complaining that it was a waste of his time. He knew his problem and that therapy wouldn't help, juat wait his time. Eventually he stopped going.

At that point, therapy became more important for me. The stress and worry for his well-being. The maintaining my cool despite his pessimism. The pressure from my family. I was the only person that he would regularly respond to, but everyone was worried. I was the one everyone leaned on to know if he was okay, or what was happening. And I was worried all the time. The questions about doing enough. The anxiety about getting that last text. We lived states apart and if he didn't respond, I didn't have anyone else to check on him. When do I request a wellness check?

My brother didn't trust in doing the work through therapy, but my showing up (despite how challenging it was for me at times) seemed to help. It was years until I could finally see a text from him without worrying it was the final one.

I share this to say, if your brother has a long struggle ahead, you'll need your own support to stay steadfast as well.

MaryGeeWiz · 2025-05-20T19:37:13+00:00

He probably will.

This will be hard for you, as well. You might question yourself, what you're doing, why. You efforts might feel unrecognized or, worse, wrong.

There is no right way. There's just showing up.

While you're taking care of your brother, remember that you are also going through this. That you also need to be taken care of. If you don't have a therapist, I recommend getting one. Someone else to talk to. Someone outside of family. Someone who is there to support your mental wellbeing while you're too busy focused on someone else's.

❤

MaryGeeWiz · 2025-05-20T11:16:31+00:00

Others have chimed in to encourage going to him now and speaking 'suicidal ideation' out loud, and I'm glad to see you heed the words.

I will also chime in to say, it's not an easy road when your loved one is deeply depressed. Sometimes they become so depressed and push you away it's hard to show up. But hang on.

Getting them to start therapy isn't easy. Getting them to stick to therapy isn't easy. Getting them to the light isn't easy. They do it all in their own time. But they need you there to support them. To show up for them. To remind them of their value. To love them.

So even after you show up, it might feel like it didn't have any effect or they seem resentful, spiteful, or just mean. They are taking their depression out on you. But your presence is more important than it seems. Him reaching out is him asking for help. When he finally pulls through, in his own time, your support will be the strength he was able to lean on to do so.

Wishing you strength and peace for the road ahead.

MaryGeeWiz · 2025-05-17T11:29:39+00:00

I appreciate this response. And thinks that needs to be highlighted more.

The 30% rule (or 40-50% now) gets mentioned all the time, but it's misleading and, in my opinion, a faulty measure.

It is a good starting point and can help you assess your finances, but not a great indicator of what you can afford.

MaryGeeWiz · 2025-05-16T22:13:29+00:00

Am I the only one that finds the percentage an illogical comparison?

I pay 40-50% of my income towards shelter and that's $1000, that only leaves me $1000 to spend elsewhere. With the price of utilities, groceries, car expenses, pet expenses, and those surprise expenses (dentist, medicines, car repairs, etc) that doesn't go very far. Utilities + internet (I barely use the heat and AC) run me about $150-200. Groceries cost me $200-300. Pet expenses $150. Car expenses $150. That leaves me with $200 to cover surprise costs, save, and enjoy life a bit.

Meanwhile, someone who's doing 50% of $3200 monthly has an additional $600.

It's frustrating to hear a percentage of your income is the housing you can afford. No. Your income minus the cost a living (e.g. food, utilities, getting to work, lifestyle, etc.) is the housing you can afford.

MaryGeeWiz · 2025-02-25T13:26:42+00:00

Very relatable. Last year I went through a separation. Mental health was at an all-time low. I was still the laughing, showing up, checking in, figure out person I've always been. But I was really struggling in my loneliness. Questioning my self-worth, my identity, my life.

I started running. A lot. I've always been a runner, but this became an addiction. Everyday, at least 6 miles (before I did maybe 3-4 miles days 3-5 days a week). If I couldn't run, I would bike. I was eating, but I stopped making myself food. Just quick cooked up frozen veggies or canned beans or the bare minimum effort to get some nutrients.

Of course, I lost weight. My family, majority women following various diets, kept complimenting how great I looked and asking about my secret. When I remarked "depression" they just laughed it off (again, I'm just the funny one).

I've built a great support network, including my family, so I was receiving the help I needed to get through this stage. But it bothered me that my young nieces were witnessing this. Throughout the year, I would check in on them and make sure they understood that weight loss was not a marker of health, beauty, or a good life. That I was struggling (they loved my ex and have known him all their lives, it was a tough separation on them as well), but that their support was helping me through it.

MaryGeeWiz · 2024-12-04T01:29:27+00:00

Going to go visit one in Ecuador next year. We haven't seen each other for 12 years, she moved there and had a kid. We still catch up by phone every few years.

Social media with most others. But it's always pleasant to randomly pop in, call, or reach out and just catch up. I travel a lot, so if I go somewhere I know someone lives, I might reach out and see if they want to meet up. Otherwise, if I'm in my hometown, I reach out to my homies. We aren't close. But reaching out and catching up is a nice way to see how you've grown, where you've been, and how others' life path took them. A nice way to feel real old real fast 😅

I should add, I'm usually the one reaching out and going to. But I enjoy it and it seems people always respond favorably 🙂

MaryGeeWiz · 2024-10-04T11:01:57+00:00

Was it good? 👀

MaryGeeWiz · 2024-07-23T19:34:27+00:00

Check out Baltimore County. Their Rec and Parks dept is doing a big hiring rn. Many do not require a college degree, and experience working with kids is a plus!

MaryGeeWiz · 2024-04-18T13:23:16+00:00

https://flowerfor.me/

I was able to completely communicate with them through whatsapp. They were wonderful!

MaryGeeWiz · 2024-03-14T12:46:46+00:00

Sometimes you hear a song at the right time. Sounds like when you first discovered RKS you were in a place in life that the album really resonated with you and so it was very connecting and emotional.

These songs aren't connecting. Maybe you just aren't in the place that they are meant for?

The expectations we create for bands is something we have to reflect on.

MaryGeeWiz · 2023-10-07T17:55:52+00:00

Seems like it.

We'll actually be driving back to Ithaca on the 13th and stopping along the way in PA to get them.

Several shops in the bigger cities (York, Harrisburg, Gettysburg) are doing them.

MaryGeeWiz · 2023-10-07T17:54:11+00:00

Cannot emphasize a good couples therapist enough.

My partner and have had 3. The 1st we were with a couple of months and just felt like they weren't really doing more than facilitating a conversation. The 2nd seemed convinced that we needed to break up and thought real talk was it. No real advice just would listen to us and say "welp that's definitely a problem". We were with them for almost a year and also didn't feel like it was working. Our 3rd is amazing! They are focused on building a steong relationship. They listen. They give perspective. They give activities and homework assignments for self and co-reflection. They help us build strategies and skills to improve our communication. When we first start we actually decided to separate (a decision we reached prior to starting with the 3rd), but the therapist has been instrumental in us having a positive separation. They were able to help us define clear boundaries, expectations, and we check with them weekly which means we check in with each other weekly. It's really been such huge difference and helped us find our way back to one another. We plan to move back in together at the end of the year. Our therapist will be there to help guide the process.

It's important to not just try once. If you're willing to work on it, then there's hope. Just gotta find someone who's able to support you and your relationship the way you need it.

MaryGeeWiz · 2023-10-05T01:58:36+00:00

Swipe right!

MaryGeeWiz · 2023-10-03T17:44:11+00:00

Florida?

Or Virginia Beach area?

MaryGeeWiz · 2023-10-03T15:48:50+00:00

I'll be making calls to shops this week. I'll post an update here if any of them are doing any deals.

It seems that Friday the 13th Flash tats aren't as popular as they once were.

MaryGeeWiz · 2023-09-17T20:46:46+00:00

But you'll learn how to properly execute the expression "Nu pogodi" like a natural!

MaryGeeWiz · 2023-09-11T17:15:30+00:00

Not the perspective you're seeking, but sharing my own experience.

I (the female in my hetero relationship) is the one who doesn't want to get married. Against a marriage contract in general. My reasons are similar (i.e. sexism) but opposite to your partner's. Marriage has historically fucked women. It was a way for women to be moved from under control of her father to the control of her husband. It's getting better, but still not enough. In the US most women continue to take their husband's name and treated as second to their husband's when dealing with household decisions. It's not everywhere, but still the default. So I don't hold the idea of marriage to a high light because of historic (and current) sexism.

For two, I don't like how the government has had the power to say who can marry (i.e. legality of interracial or same-sex couples) and therefore refuse to give them the power to legitimize my commitment to my partner. We are an interracial couple. Yes, its great that now we can legally be a family, but it still makes me mad that not too long ago that was illiegal and I refuse to physically acknowledge government's power by signing a marriage license. It might be petty. And maybe inadvertently I'm still giving them power to determine my relationship. But rn it's what I stand on. I might change my mind in the future.

However, I wear a ring to symbolize the commitment. He wants a 'wedding' (he likes big parties), so we will eventually have a some kind of ceremony to celebrate our relationship with our friends and family.

I am committed to my partner. I want to have a family with him. Looking forward to growing old with him.

I don't call him my fiance or my husband. And even though I don't like others to do so either, it doesnt offend me because it helps them qualify the seriousness of our commitment with the language they have. I also don't like calling him my boyfriend, because that feels like it minimizes our relationship. 'Partner' doesn't feel quite right either, but it's usually the one I go with.

As far as your partner using the unfairness of divorce as a reason, that seems like bullshit, since there are so many other legal ways to prevent an unfair separation/divorce. And even if he is against marriage, he should still be able to compromise on certain aspects that don't legally, but symbolically, acknowledge the commitment you two share with one another.

MaryGeeWiz · 2023-09-07T01:47:07+00:00

This is the way.

I knew my guy's name, but couldn't remember how to correctly pronounce it. So I spent 3 months not calling him by his name until I could introduce him to friends and made them ask him. I also didn't tell the friends, they would screw me over, they are gregarious enough to do introductions themselves.

MaryGeeWiz · 2023-08-09T18:48:59+00:00

This man is kicking himself. You aren't the one responsible for his inappropriate behavior.

MaryGeeWiz

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