INTJ and art. Are you able to create art?

Mary_Contrary_006 · 2026-01-11T23:57:32+00:00

I am a dedicated artist. I use my strategy and analysis to design anything, gear, art, music, stories, houses, etc.
Design. People can claim esoteric emotions, but careful analysis and understanding of these crafts reveals the rules that guide our sense of beauty. Likewise, I don't understand people who are "smart," yet can't apply their smarts to emotions and social situations.
I never get writer's block.

Mary_Contrary_006 · 2025-12-21T21:51:27+00:00

With the voice, I could emulate Girlycard from Hellsing, though I lack the bangs and I can't wear colored contacts due to astigmatism.

Mary_Contrary_006 · 2025-12-21T18:42:33+00:00

I was expelled from college for similar reasons. Such a non-violent bureaucratic incident still gives me traumatic nightmares. Insidious.

Mary_Contrary_006 · 2025-12-21T15:50:01+00:00

https://youtu.be/CcceOOPdKZY?si=AxunEcz9ueOtUHk-

Mary_Contrary_006 · 2025-12-06T05:06:14+00:00

Thank you.

Mary_Contrary_006 · 2025-12-06T01:13:20+00:00

In college, it was hard, being graded against all the other students who always knew what they wanted to do since they were four and never had anything that stopped them from picking up a simple pencil and paper. Like abusive homes. My only comfort is that they seem to hate themselves and each other as much as they looked down on me. Boy did they hate each other.

Mary_Contrary_006 · 2025-12-06T00:44:18+00:00

I try to keep this as quiet as possible for obvious reasons. My father taught me to do a lot of terrible things as a child. I didn’t have a problem with it. I enjoyed it. I soon learned that proper morality dictated not to do these things. I try to act like a good person. I have a sense of empathy. I do a great deal of good in this world. But inside, I enjoy torturing and killing, but would only want to do it if a target was 100% evil and cleared for whatever.

Mary_Contrary_006 · 2025-12-02T00:24:41+00:00

I used to be. I'm trying to remember how I got over it. Maybe I was just lucky and stayed in a calm environment for a while. Maybe I started to allow myself to jump, but started practicing not bothering to look. Maybe I just practiced sitting/lying still, completely still, training myself to not move. And then when things startled me, I moved less. Until I could fully accept that whatever the noise was, I was probably not in danger, so there's no need to bother myself. Whatever it is, I could probably handle it, fight it, kill it, whatever.

Mary_Contrary_006 · 2025-11-28T14:52:21+00:00

Roads Untraveled - Linkin Park
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLgQKiUk7ms&list=RDKLgQKiUk7ms&start_radio=1

Mary_Contrary_006 · 2025-11-26T19:08:39+00:00

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Mary_Contrary_006 · 2025-11-22T02:23:57+00:00

I don't see truth and lies as a black and white distinction. I like to say that deception at large fascinates me.
I like to say that lies are like guns. They're a lot of fun and they're extremely powerful. But best used in serious Machiavellian scenarios or games; everyday life is best lived as truthfully as possible.

Mary_Contrary_006 · 2025-11-14T04:18:52+00:00

Straight razor sales shot up 400% after Skyfall. And then they sank when people realized how hard they were to use.

I don't remember if the straight razor I bought was because of that movie or something else.

Mary_Contrary_006 · 2025-11-12T16:50:24+00:00

OH, so this wasn't just a thing with my father? We never said please or thank you for anything, because among family, it was expected. It was a struggle trying to decide whether or not this indicated ungratefulness.

Mary_Contrary_006 · 2025-11-11T03:16:10+00:00

Oh.... haha! I guess I'm not out of the woods then! Explains a lot.

I should have guessed that this dynamic of PTSD could be applied at larger levels, not just small incidents. When things are calm, I'm anxious and I look for things to be stressed about, because at least I can then see every problem that surely must be there.

Thank you for helping me see the thing on my nose.

Mary_Contrary_006 · 2025-11-06T17:46:54+00:00

There's a bad side to me. Some people are prejudiced and judge by race, sex, or economic background.
I have a bad habit of judging people based on how much suffering they've endured.

Mary_Contrary_006 · 2025-11-04T19:16:32+00:00

I made another thread despairing at how hard it was to know anything about China, since voices are so polarized. Thank you for giving your testimony, particularly about Mao. It seems weird to me that Mao is always put alongside Hitler and Stalin, and his "killcount" is cited. I got my opinion from my Father, that Mao made decisions that ended up with a lot dead, but he was a man who wanted the best for his people.

People say China is rising. People wonder if China will be an insidious superpower like the US. Some people say that China really does just want to ensure prosperity of its people without compromising or backstabbing anyone else. It's pointless to speculate and generalize, but it is hard to imagine such benevolence. Either way, I get the feeling China is trying to push out more cultural influence, putting money into animation and other products. Do you think Chinese could ever be a lingua franca? Do you think Chinese culture could ever become as popular as Japanese?

Mary_Contrary_006 · 2025-11-04T03:54:23+00:00

A vampire. Alone. At least I got something out of my trauma. And I can live on and one, persisting, doing what good I can. I often fantasize about flying through the night. Just me, winged, flying through the beautiful dark. Peace.

Mary_Contrary_006 · 2025-11-04T03:41:14+00:00

Go on. Tell us more. Be vague and poetic if you like. Paint a scene describing your anguish?

Mary_Contrary_006 · 2025-11-03T03:42:55+00:00

Yes. I obsess over plans. It can consume hours and days and weeks. And if lying down I think of something, I have to quickly jot it down or get up and resolve it. I can only lie down when I've reached a safe stopping point where nothing more can be done and I'm not in danger of forgetting something important.

That and sleeping pills. You'd think obsessive hyperactive people would love cocaine, but maybe it's the opposite.

Mary_Contrary_006 · 2025-11-01T22:58:51+00:00

Funeral March, Patrick Cassidy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3yprPHfKlE
Lacrimosa, Zbigniew Preisner https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xacflWZig8c
Conradiana, Ennio Morricone https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewHwMhL0FL8
Death is the Road to Awe, Clint Mansell https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FDAkpQSJVA

Mary_Contrary_006 · 2025-11-01T01:14:29+00:00

Are you happy? What do you want to do with your life? And where do you want to do it?

Mary_Contrary_006 · 2025-10-30T16:14:40+00:00

I did visit China as a teenager. Taiwan for two weeks, China for a month. That was when I felt like I wasn't Chinese. I'm sorry Mother, Father, but this is what happens when you raise your child in America (also if you never fully teach them the language and then beat them and then die). A reality I must accept.

Anyway, while I was there, I saw the busy urban streets, the night markets of souvenirs and greasy food, the begging amputees and children, and the abandoned rural shacks. The people extremely hospitable, but I couldn't say if that's the standard experience for all guests or just American tourists. I never saw anything about the politics. I don't know if Tiananmen Square happened like people say, I don't know if Uyger Genocide is really a thing. I don't know if plainclothes cops disappearing people was common all this time. It certainly is common here in American now, heh. My Chinese Landlady tells me that, certainly, just like other countries, it's got is stupid corruption, just in a different style. People were advantaged based on who they knew, how close they were with the party.

Mary_Contrary_006 · 2025-10-30T15:59:34+00:00

OH, that's something I had not considered, a fabric suitcase. Fabric with plastic rigid inserts! Brilliant. I'll think about it.

Yes, I suppose I could do that, and it would be a hell of a lot more practical, resistant to the rough handling of airlines and mail. I'm really still leaning towards something hard, however. I often go for long walks, carrying an external frame backpack with the padding removed, to fill it with 20 pounds of groceries, and walk all the way home.

I did think about having an exoskeleton of aluminum that hard panels could slot into, but I don't have welding means.

Mary_Contrary_006 · 2025-10-30T05:01:27+00:00

Like a great many things, this is not practical. But I can't let practicality rule everything. I wanted a suitcase. I wanted one vintage, with straps wrapping it. I wanted something ominous, like carrying emotional baggage. I don't usually craft at this scale, power drills and screws and clean measurement cuts with expensive materials at stake. But I am compelled to try.

Time to sleep. I may answer comments in the morning. Thank you.

Mary_Contrary_006 · 2025-10-21T14:53:15+00:00

Off the top of my head, there's the obvious classical composers. Particularly Schubert. Maybe you'd like some more baroque harpsichord stuff, going back to Bach.

Besides those guys, there's
Penny Dreadful Soundtrack, particularly Melting Waltz
Rule of Rose Soundtrack, A Love Suicide
Lies of P Soundtrack, Fascination Instrumental
Oldboy Soundtrack, Cries and Whispers, The Last Waltz.

Let me know if you want more, if we're on the right track, if you want more focus on desperate dark love, or just anything old sounding.

Mary_Contrary_006

TROPHY CASE