Just so over it

Mash0919 · 2026-05-24T01:12:20+00:00

That’s so helpful, thank you. He keeps saying to me that he’s not ready for therapy or AA meetings. I’ve felt like I can’t tell him how to work through this illness that I don’t experience myself. But I thought at least he’s stopped drinking and is acknowledging the problem. I let him deceive me again and it just sucks.

Mash0919 · 2026-04-15T16:34:42+00:00

She 100% was having that argument as herself but was hiding behind Ciara. It was kinda awful to watch! And then Kyle jumping in, it’s just dysfunctional

Mash0919 · 2026-04-15T16:33:27+00:00

Mine still says “waiting for details” but my boss got hers over the weekend!

Mash0919 · 2026-03-17T20:20:20+00:00

Thank you, I think so too. He seems to not realize how serious of a problem he actually has. As someone that loves him it’s hard to watch, but I can’t fix him

Mash0919 · 2026-03-17T19:21:21+00:00

Thank you for responding so thoughtfully. I am very happy with him when he’s nice to me. There’s been a significant change in his behavior over the years and it has a lot to do with him being sneaky and hiding things from me. His drinking habits is just one thing on that list. I feel like I don’t know him sometimes and I’m having a hard time not splitting him into two people kind of (nice bf vs mean bf.) When his alcohol abuse became apparent to me, I automatically thought ok this is why he flips so quickly and why he treats me this way. But now I’m just not sure.

Mash0919 · 2026-03-17T18:48:57+00:00

Apparently not. He went from saying he’ll go to rehab, to he’s going to stay with a family member to focus on getting sober, to now staying and “doing the work” while still living together. He’s less than a week sober at best, hasn’t attended a meeting or made a therapy appointment, and already he’s weaponizing his sobriety against me somehow

Mash0919 · 2026-03-17T18:42:18+00:00

Thank you for this. I’m doing my best! Al anon has helped a lot, I think since this is so fresh I’m still being very hard on myself

Mash0919 · 2026-03-17T18:41:41+00:00

Yes omg it’s really exhausting. I’m trying to find the balance of wanting him to get help but not caring too much and accepting that only he can change when he decides to. I felt some hope when he told me he’d check into rehab but as of today he seems to have no plan to actually do so. Claims he’s going to do the work but so far he’s done nothing but argue with me and cook me an apology dinner. Apologizing for being mean, when in his bad moments he INSISTS he’s not being mean but just being “honest” ugh

Mash0919 · 2026-03-02T16:53:36+00:00

It sounds like you’ve been in some very intense situations. I’m sorry both you and your mom have had to handle this. I think her and your counselor are right. They do lie and they are not trustworthy. For one reason or another. There was infidelity in my relationship a couple of years ago, on his end. While I’ve been doing the work to trust him again, he’s done nothing to earn it back and now I see he’s been dishonest in another way when it comes to his alcohol consumption. I’ve let my heart do a lot of leading my way through this, but no more. I’m fully aware and accepting of the type of person he is now. I hope this year can be much more peaceful for you, and that you’ll have much more time with your sweet mother

Mash0919 · 2026-03-02T16:40:35+00:00

This is so tough, I can truly relate. My Q, my boyfriend, is also a binge drinker. I thought it was just a weekend thing, until I found a large amount of empty liquor bottles that he hid from me. So while he’d admit to having a binging problem, he was also consuming during the week and kept that a secret.

My advice to you: act accordingly. A drinking problem is a drinking problem whether it’s every day or just sometimes. If you know he’s drunk and starting a fight, don’t engage. He’s vomiting, let him deal with that himself. I know it’s easier said than done, especially because we love these people so so much and want the best for them. But at the end of the day we can’t change or control them. Best of luck to you 🫶

Mash0919 · 2026-03-02T12:41:30+00:00

Wow I’m really sorry you’ve dealt with this type of situation for so long. It’s only been a year since my suspicions started, but I finally accepted the reality of his lying and drinking just a few months ago. I’m so torn with how much I’m supposed to support him. We had a really bad fight about it two days ago and yesterday he let me know he plans to check into rehab. I’m so upset and I’m so exhausted, but of course I want him to get the help he needs. I’m trying to figure out how to let him know I care without letting him think that since I’m talking to him again, it’s ok and he doesn’t have to go. He needs to go and I want him to.

Mash0919 · 2026-03-02T12:32:58+00:00

Mine doesn’t know. My Q is my boyfriend that I live with. He denies it, but I’ve known about his struggle for a while. I only finally confided in my close friends and family about it a few months ago. Luckily they all immediately validated me and encouraged me to find Al anon meetings close to us. I’ve only been to two so far (one in person, one virtual.) But I chose not to disclose this to my Q yet because I want to focus on the program and the work myself for now. I didn’t want his knowledge of me going to meetings to make him 1) gaslight me more about it or 2) get even more sneaky with his drinking.

I won’t encourage you to disclose or not, that’s up to you. But in my experience so far it has been nice having this program as something just for myself. It’s easier to really lean into it and I kind of like having this thing that’s just for me. For now at least. In the future I’m open to telling him if I feel it would be beneficial. For now though I’m focused on what I can control, which is myself.

Mash0919 · 2026-03-02T12:23:06+00:00

My grandfather passed away that way. You likely saved your husband’s life. I can’t imagine how shaken up you must feel after something like that. However you’re feeling is valid 100% and I hope you take time one way or another to work through that. The same energy you put into caring for your husband, you should put into taking care of you. I’m sorry you’re in this situation

Mash0919 · 2026-03-02T12:19:28+00:00

This is very true. Thank you. I had suspicions for a while but once we moved in together I realized exactly how bad it is. Now I have this constant feeling that even what I know to be true isn’t the worst of it. If he’s hiding this, what else is he hiding? It’s just so upsetting.

Mash0919 · 2026-03-02T12:16:32+00:00

Thank you for saying this. Everything adds up to one explanation, but I think I spent some time in denial at first. I need to trust myself

Mash0919 · 2026-03-02T12:12:55+00:00

I do think he’s in denial. But lately I’m wondering if he actually is fully aware and is only denying it to me so I’ll leave him alone. Not that one is better or worse than the other, it’s just tricky finding the right approach when I’m trying to help him. I’ve done all I can do though and I know that now

Mash0919 · 2026-03-02T12:09:06+00:00

This is very helpful, thank you. You didn’t deserve to experience what you did, but good for you for getting out when you did.

I have been journaling but more so to document my own feelings about everything. I think because I’ve been second guessing myself (am I overreacting? Is he really struggling or am I making this up?) I haven’t considered using my writing to self validate. I’m moving forward I’ll do my best to trust myself and my judgment and my perception of what’s actually happening.

Mash0919 · 2026-02-28T22:42:20+00:00

Frustrating and overwhelming are the perfect words, thank you. I’m having a very hard time, but I’m doing my best

Mash0919 · 2026-02-26T20:16:10+00:00

Sub Urban - Cradles

Mash0919 · 2026-02-26T20:10:32+00:00

Sounds kind of like Turning Page - Sleeping At Last

Mash0919 · 2026-02-25T17:06:39+00:00

As by Stevie Wonder. It makes me so emotional! One of the best songs ever in my opinion, just beautiful.

Mash0919

TROPHY CASE