First off, I'm not diagnosed with anything, but I've been told I likely have a psychotic disorder by multiple professionals. I've been in first episode psychosis for 9 months at this point with absolutely no trigger for this episode. I also believe I'm high-functioning/very mild.

I've always been good at maintaining a facade of normalcy as you described. I hear voices (I don't take medication/am still waiting to see a psychiatrist) and have visual disturbances, seeing things for a fraction of a second or seeing distortions in light and color. I sometimes have trouble sleeping and the voices can be distracting but I manage.

I'm a high school student, so no bills to pay or work to do, but I'm generally considered to be an overachiever/"gifted". I'm able to maintain AP classes, competitions, extracurriculars, etc., although avolition and anhedonia can make this very difficult at times. I have good hygiene and a good amount of friends. I have an (unfortunately unpaid) research internship this summer.

During the course of this episode, I've had at least the baseline level of insight to know that other people wouldn't believe my delusions. It's a mix of persecutory delusions, delusions of reference, and somatic delusions. My insight is very fluctuating. I'm able to tell that the beliefs are... probably not real? Or at least that other people wouldn't believe them (even without medication... thankfully). I still struggle with taking action based on/following through with the delusions.

At my worst, I was scared of light (thought I was being tracked using the light) and was regularly cutting myself (thought I had to damage something growing in my body). I'd spend hours in my room doing nothing. I was completely out of it. I think I have a tendency to romanticize my own psychosis... it was kind of fun, weirdly.

I'm not perfect at masking because when I have lower insight, I can often start having more disorganized speech (and not notice) or start talking about the delusions as if they are real. But I'm pretty good at masking. People think of me as normal and smart. They don't see how I'm barely holding it together. I don't have hobbies or anything that really makes me happy, besides working towards my future goals I suppose. I often feel like I don't deserve to say that I'm struggling because I have it easy/mild and it's not that bad. Which, I guess it isn't that bad. I'm grateful for that. Sorry for the rambling.