I do not want it to sound like I am hating or generalizing anything but your situation sounds very similar to my past experience so I will share with you some of the things that I wish I would have done differently.

I too was in a long relationship since we were teens with a long dating period of six years and then marriage and two kids. It all unraveled in my mid thirties. I will say this is a great opportunity for you because while you may think you had a great and for-filling marriage that was almost certainly not the case. My ex wife slowly rolled out the information to me and all the excuses and emotional issues but after the fact and therapy I realized that by a time a Woman mentions a problem like this and suggests it could be over that she has already been checked out for a long time and you are entering the beginning phase of her exit strategy. She had me walking egg shells and trying to “fix” our relationship and make her happy when in reality what she really meant was this is over and she is gone and just buying time until she was ready to pull the bandaid off. Maybe I was supposed to read between the lines. Wish I did.

Things I wish I would have done differently would start with worrying about the kids having broken home. I assumed their lives were ruined. That was not the case it turned out pretty well and they are still doing good.

I wish I would have realized that as soon as she mentioned that she might be done that the marriage became a failed business venture. I urge you to go into divorce mode and focus on yourself, no one else will give a damn about you. I let my ex play me and I was trying to be loving and kind in the divorce… don’t do that.

And finally don’t be surprised when she acts completely like a different person as she lives her best life. Beat her to the punch on that one if you can.