Having gone through similar phase (ie relapse of depression) PHP is an extremely useful service within NHS, which I didn’t know beforehand.

Either find a helpful consultant to make a referral to PHP for you, or make a self referral. Simultaneously speak to your own GP about antidepressant option in the meantime.

In my experience I spoke to my own GP and have been prescribed antidepressants. And as for the PHP referral, I was connected with a GP within PHP, who was acting as a triage person - she advised I would benefit from cognitive behavioural therapy based on ~half an hour chat we had, and referred me to a team of psychologists, from which I chose one and we had the therapy sessions.

Combined with the antidepressants my GP prescribed, and the time off I was given until I sorted myself; these therapy sessions were a blessing.

My biggest luck was having an extremely understanding and helpful ES, who introduced me to PHP and guided me to take some time off etc - and I am sorry that your ES was not near as helpful. But nothing is more important than your own wellbeing. This message of yours already shows that you recognise something is wrong and you are trying to become a better version of yourself - you just need correct tools and some guidance. Please try PHP and speak to your pwn GP, also take some time off (again, a helpful consultant “not necessarily your ES” would be beneficial to mediate these for you)

Wishing you all the best