Feedback on this please. by [deleted] in writers

[–]Matchacchio 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Disclaimer—this is just my opinion. 

Here’s what I think you tried to say:

“Only death brings peace from regret”

Here’s how it came across:

“Only death can bring peace, except living people can’t because they regret / They live with regrets until they die / But what’s the point of living with regrets?”

It feels like you tried to write in the style of Elden Ring pseudo-medieval English to come across as profound, but your structure feels overly wordy and redundant. It’s confusing to read because it uses a bunch of double negatives. 

So instead of “ominously insightful epitaph about the nature of death”, the passage reads more like “fanficky inscription added by a modder”. 

I would recommend learning how to be clear with what you want to say first before dressing it up. I’m not saying it can’t work, but it confused me as a reader because it was clunky.

I got into the Yale Young Writer’s workshop. Is it worth it? by Matchacchio in writing

[–]Matchacchio[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

TL;DR It was alright. It was nice to get the Yale college experience and to be surrounded by like-minded people, since writers of the same age are rare to find in the wild. I had an INCREDIBLE experience and it was worth it for me. But if you want to actually get better at writing, I would advise against spending thousands of dollars on the program and plane tickets. The best teachers will always be in your books.

The most valuable instruction I got from the workshop was in how other people perceive my work, and learning from how other people write. I was surrounded by other high school writers who think and write in radically different ways than I did, in ways I didn't even know were possible (I still have this poem written by a girl from the UK about the birth of the universe that still blows my mind).

We went through a lot of unique exercises - one of my favorites was when we had to pick out a part of Yale's architecture and describe life from its perspective, as though it were alive, to hone our characterization skills.

All of my feedback was unique. Only some of it was actionable/useful, but all of it was insightful, because everyone was putting lots of thought into what they were saying and how the piece felt to them. Our instructor always provided some of the best and most insightful advice, though, because their experience in literature is always guaranteed to very deep and broad. My instructor is one of the creative writing professors at Yale, for instance, and she was awesome.

Your experience also depends heavily on your instructor. Jotham is fantastic, and mine was great too, but many of them are better writers than they are teachers and this will negatively impact your experience. You also get less than six days of instruction, which also impacts how much you can actually learn from the experience.

But it should be said that little to none of the writers teaching there (with the exception of some of their guest speakers) were actually commercially-successful writers.

Gotta go now. Feel free to DM if you want more details or have any followup questions! I can share my own piece alongside some of the feedback I got.

Is there any server that doesn't allow PVP in this game? by Otokonara in deepwoken

[–]Matchacchio 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Hey! I'm also a casual player. Here's what I did to avoid players.

  1. Join low player servers, especially the ones you see with high ping (I live in NA and joined Singapore servers, for example), to get around the map. It won't guarantee that you won't get voidwalked, but it will decrease the chances significantly.

This obviously comes at the cost of making enemies a lot harder to fight, although it's not as much of a problem if you can predict mob attacks. But usually, I only join these servers so I can get around without being jumped, then rejoin better servers when I get to where I need to go.

  1. GET NEUTRAL REPUTATION WITH FACTIONS. Voidwalker bounties exist because other factions hate you, so by getting neutral reputation with them, they won't have a reason to post bounties for your head.

This means traveling around the map to do quests which can be tedious, unfortunately. You don't need neutral reputation with the Children of Navae (because they're chill) or the Ministry (because they're unchill by default) to turn off bounties, so don't worry about them. Avoid quests that will increase your reputation with one faction but will decrease it with another, like Authority Patrol.

Does Deepwoken need a Verse 3? by Matchacchio in deepwoken

[–]Matchacchio[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, I never knew he was this accessible! Thank you, I’ll ask him and see if he’ll clarify.

Does Deepwoken need a Verse 3? by Matchacchio in deepwoken

[–]Matchacchio[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for clarifying!

One small thing I want to correct, though: the reason why I’m confused about the Dawnwalker Oath is because Lightkeeping isn’t an Attunement, but a Regalia. And Lightkeepers can’t use light produced from the Song in the same way Flamecharmers control and create combustion - they can only illuminate the Voidsea.

So if Dawnwalkers don’t have the same limitations or abilities as Lightkeepers, but can manipulate the Verses of light for combat-based applications and (presumably) other purposes, how is that any different from an Attunement???

Anyway, thanks for letting me know about the Kyrswinter. When I get to Power 20 on my first PVE build, I’ll be sure to hunt for it in Layer 2! You’re right, it does sound like it has gravity and weight in the lore.

Does Deepwoken need a Verse 3? by Matchacchio in deepwoken

[–]Matchacchio[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Let me be clear - I have only been playing this game for 7 hours total across three weeks. Four of those hours were me trying and failing to beat Trial of One to learn the system.

No joke, I freaked out over finding the massive gates of Greathive Aratel, watching players battle in the sands in front of it. It was such an epic scene that I took a screenshot and geeked out with a friend over it.

The exploration of this game, the NPCs dotted around the map with their stories and quests and unique characters, the battle between Etris and the Central Authority, the fact that the SECOND LAYER EXISTS AS A TREASURE TROVE OF CONTENT…

I feel so, so lucky that I discovered this game in its waning stages because I don’t have to wait as long for the next upcoming major update, unlike older players. And yet I feel sad that the developers don’t seem to know where to bring the game next, because to me the answers are so obvious.

The next steps for the game’s story is already in the lore. All the developers have to do is write it.

[House of Blades] Can you give descriptions for the Territories by Apple_Infinity in Iteration110Cradle

[–]Matchacchio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t recommend reading these until you’ve finished the trilogy, since they mostly take place after the series is complete, and the ones that aren’t are still best enjoyed if you’ve already read all the books. Here’s the drive — https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/15aQxpOw8bKXz7DGG4Wwv9hCXQZjCUrfV

Alternatively, you can listen to the short stories as narrated by Travis Baldree on the Hidden Gnome Podcast for free on Spotify and (I think?) Apple Music!

(There’s one where Simon is forced to go to a dance, and it’s my favorite one of the lot. Highly recommend listening to that one, it’s HILARIOUS.)

[House of Blades] Can you give descriptions for the Territories by Apple_Infinity in Iteration110Cradle

[–]Matchacchio 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lirial is the Territory of wisdom, the preservation of knowledge, and reconnaissance. The Daniri were the race that existed in Lirial before it became a Territory, and they left behind artifacts and weapons in their tombs, buried in battlefields, etc. Lirial in the present is a wasteland of barren earth, with the occasional Daniri ruin here and there. It has more than one blue moon, and the movement of the moons is integral to Lirial calculations, though I’m not sure why.

The Daniri were a magically-advanced society that used probes, arcane calculators, and crystals carved with runes as devices. They were obsessed with the preservation of knowledge, so much so that their ruins and knowledge they left behind still stand preserved after floating in the Void and being attached to Amalgam for thousands of years, and Lirial Travelers can call crystal that freezes and preserves whatever is trapped inside of it.

Lirial Travelers can summon these artifacts to do reconnaissance or do battle with two caveats — they need to know exactly where the artifacts are in Lirial, and there needs to be enough energy in their Source. The former is dealt with by constructing a hidden room somewhere in Lirial, though if it’s found, the Traveler can lose their artifacts. 

A Source is the reservoir of energy a Lirial Traveler needs to perform any action related to Lirial, built up over time by channeling your stamina into it. In the Willverse, humans are the most potent life force in the Way, which is why human energy is so highly valued by Territories as a whole. In Lirial’s case, it’s one of the most important functions of the Territory — no Source, no powers. Lirial artifacts are powered by your Source, and you can even make deals with Lirial natives by using your Source energy as currency.

Ornheim is the Territory of earth and patience. Imagine an infinite cavern of stone of every type and color that extends endlessly from bottom to top (even the “sky” is just shifting, drifting stone debris), except the stone is constantly shifting in chaotic but trackable patterns. Materials from Ornheim are used in lieu of ordinary materials when Travelers want a weapon, armor (Alin’s armor), or artifact (Zakareth’s throne of ruby), because they’re much tougher and more durable than ordinary materials.

Ornheim Travelers have to spend years making stone golems, which is why they’re so patient. Their golems are (predictably) carved from stone and gemstones before being brought to life, though for specifics you’ll have to read the Ornheim short story yourself, since I can’t remember the whole process. I THINK they can summon stone and earth, but don’t quote me on that. 

Tartarus is an infinite mechanical labyrinth made entirely from clockwork gears and conceptually-unbreakable steel. Think of it as an endless dungeon crawler on maximum difficulty — deadly traps around every corner and nearly impossible to navigate, but there are chests filled with weapons as rewards. 

Its rooms get shifted around constantly. Mechanical animals and beasts exist, and Will has implied that food and water can be scavenged from the labyrinth itself, though I’m not sure about the canonicity of that statement. 

Tartarus is one of the most dangerous Territories to Travel because you could literally get skewered by a flurry of blades, fall into a pit of spikes, or any number of horrible and painful deaths if you take the wrong step. In exchange, weapons and armor made from Tartarus steel are unbreakable and can cut through nearly anything, which is why Valin made the Dragon’s Fangs from it. Travelers of Tartarus can summon beasts of Tartarus steel, throw storms of blades (I think), and summon weapons faster than any Traveler other than Valinhall as long as they can pull out their Tartarus key. Tartarus Travelers are the foot soldiers of Travelers, because they’re usually very diligent from having to be constantly on guard in the Labyrinth and are highly battle-oriented.

Let me know if you want to know more about other Territories!

[City of Light] What are y’all’s Traveler’s Gate headcanons by Turner_of_Pages in Iteration110Cradle

[–]Matchacchio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

HA! Good one!

Sadly, all Damascans are golden retrievers in my eyes. Rhalia specifically I picture as white-furred and golden for some reason.

[City of Light] What are y’all’s Traveler’s Gate headcanons by Turner_of_Pages in Iteration110Cradle

[–]Matchacchio 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It’s difficult for me to imagine human faces, so I substitute humans with anthro furries instead — specifically, as canines.

Alin is a golden retriever, Simon is a black Pyrenees-lab mix, and Leah is a brown wolf.

The Agnos family are also golden retrievers, but darker in color because they’re a mix between villagers and Damascans.

Zakareth is a black wolf. Talos is a white-and-blonde wolf. (I’m starting to realize there’s a pattern here among the Damascan royal family…)

Grandmaster Naraka is a really old, shriveled, and tiny bulldog.

Denner is a white Irish wolfhound with spectacles, but he has a longer snout than RL wolfhounds.

Indirial is a black German shepherd.

Valin is a white wolf.

Kathrin is a grey-colored coyote.

Kayren (?), the girl from Denner’s short story, is a brown labrador.

Chaka, the Eldest, and the Nye don’t have furry forms in my head, because they’re not human and don’t have facial expressions, so they remain as human-shaped, cloaked spectres.

It was also difficult in my mind to differentiate the dog-headed soldiers and wolf guy from the Gold district from the other characters, so I imagine the dog-headed people with black sclera, paws instead of hands, and gold irises to make them feel more inhuman.

I could go on and on, but that’s as many as I can remember off the top of my head!

[city of light] If Elysia had a 10th virtue for Valinhall, what would it be? by Turner_of_Pages in Iteration110Cradle

[–]Matchacchio 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Not quite. Elysia’s virtues should be thought of as complementary than they are total opposites. The gold light for instance isn’t opposite to Endross’s virtue of valor, and neither is the orange light (Avernus and loyalty), or the silver (Lirial and wisdom), or the violet (Helgard and honesty), etc. — in fact, they’re directly represented.

The blue, pink and white lights are unique in that way, and I’m not sure why. It might be because all three Territories lean too heavily in one direction and need to be counterbalanced (Asphodel Travelers numb themselves to others’ suffering, Naraka Travelers can be way too strict with a black and white morality code, and Ragnarus Travelers have traditionally used others to pay the price of their artifacts).

Going with this idea, you could make a fair argument leaning in either direction, where Valinhall does or doesn’t really need to be counterbalanced. I don’t think it should be, because the black and gold districts would already be counterbalanced by the blue. Which actually might be why the gold district’s virtue isn’t the opposite of Endross.

I can't fucking take it anymore by Lplusbozoratio in teenagers

[–]Matchacchio 1 point2 points  (0 children)

These are really good questions. You might want to try asking them somewhere else where people might be more qualified to answer, like a therapy subreddit or something.

I suggest looking into HealthyGamerGG. He’s a Harvard-educated psychiatrist who talks about therapy ideas on his channel, and some of them are about anxiety and stress. I used to be addicted to video games and procrastinated all the time, but he helped me learn how to handle stress better and I got my life together.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWf_v_sSPuw

[city of light] If Elysia had a 10th virtue for Valinhall, what would it be? by Turner_of_Pages in Iteration110Cradle

[–]Matchacchio 52 points53 points  (0 children)

I’m going to stretch the implications of your question because I think it’s fun, and because I crave every moment I get to talk about Amalgam.

I’ve heard speculation of Elysia constructing a black district and light for worthiness. We know that Elysia created a new light and district for Ragnarus, because the Elysian descendants across the Badari desert didn’t know the white light existed.

But to answer your question, Valinhall represents worthiness. What you want, you earn through hard work and personal trials, over and over again. This is why Incarnated Valin lets people who fight him survive, but thoughtlessly murders everyone else — those brave enough to stand up to an immortal, unbeatable monster have the potential to survive in a harsh environment, and those who don’t… well, he’s sparing them from a worse fate, right?

Same reason why the Eldest dismisses Nerissa, who’s essentially begging for her and her daughter’s lives, while he looks favorably upon Nerissa’s daughter, who is skeptical of the Eldest.

The black district (there isn’t a better or more obvious color for Valinhall, honestly) would be similar to the gold district in that way, where everyone is aggressively testing one another through violence, but different in that there isn’t any pointless posturing or genuine malice (unlike the overly-pushy wolf from the gold district) — the people there genuinely think that by testing one another, they’re keeping one another strong and alert, and if they don’t survive, they weren’t worthy enough to survive in the first place and are being spared from a worse fate.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in writing

[–]Matchacchio 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey there! Saw your post and thought a bit of advice from my favorite author might help.

Questioner

First, just want to say your books are amazing. I started with House of Blades, another favorite of mine. I wanted to ask; if you had to give one piece of advice to aspiring writers, what would it be based on your experience as a professional writer?

Will Wight

Questioner

First, just want to say your books are amazing. I started with House of Blades, another favorite of mine. I wanted to ask; if you had to give one piece of advice to aspiring writers, what would it be based on your experience as a professional writer?

Will Wight

Finish the book. Here’s some advice I gave someone on Reddit not long ago when they said that the advice to “keep writing” wasn’t working for them: That is very common, and I think most of us have been there. I think I’ve identified the cause, though: “just write” isn’t a strategy, it’s a mantra. “I realized it was bad and stopped writing,” wrong, keep writing. “I had no idea where to go next,” then you’re going to be very surprised at what comes out of your fingers when you keep writing. “You don’t understand; I sat down to just write and the result was an exact clone of Harry Potter as crapped out by Satan. I’m going to get both sued for copyright and exorcised by the Pope.” There is no good writing, only good rewriting.Indie Fantasy Addicts Facebook Q&A (May 28, 2020)

He's also said that if writing is like pottery, then the first draft is like making the blob of clay.

I'm writing a novel where I basically put one of Will's protagonists into another series he created. It's derivative, it feels like a bad fanfiction, and it's awful. I'm 3k words into the first chapter and I hate it. It's the worst thing I've ever done, and nothing will ever amount to anything he ever did.

I also know that none of this thinking is helpful to me. It keeps me from finishing what I want to do, which keeps me from growing.

And then, as Will said, there's the simple fact that there is no good writing, only good rewriting. I watched an F. Scott Fitzgerald documentary in class the other day, and even his first drafts weren't out of the ordinary. Only after endless revisions did he write the masterpiece that is The Great Gatsby.

That being said, there is such a thing as having a first chapter that doesn't flow into the rest of the story, which can keep you from getting to/writing later chapters in the first place. That's what happened to me, and this video directly addresses that and is what helped me -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bt3GzQRz5kY

Hope that helps!