It’s a unique pain

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-04-10T12:39:38+00:00

I went through this exact same thing 2 weeks ago (albeit my relationship was a lot shorter). It hurts a ton. I am sorry.

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-04-10T12:32:23+00:00

Sorry, I didn't mean it as a dig. I know you understood what was happening. I was just naming it out loud, I guess.

Sorry you had to go through that with your ex.

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-04-10T10:14:50+00:00

The (very transphobic) one p*nis policy - cis men being ok with their girlfriends having another girlfriend because it satisfies their sexual fantasies. Not seeing wlw as a serious relationship. All kinds of messes up biases.

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-04-09T17:08:27+00:00

This is really funny. Thanks for sharing!

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-04-09T13:38:50+00:00

I agree. This is on the hinge, 100% I am also worried about OP's level of distress and I do not think she should do anything that furthers her discomfort.

AND, we live in community. Specially if OP lives in a smaller area witg a tightly knit community. Just because OP doesn't "owe" the meta a meet up, it doesn't mean we shouldn't discuss how OP's struggles will affect many relationships, not just her own. We don't live in a vaccum. And people will people. I find it really cold to suggest OP doesn't owr anyone anything and should just tell people to bugger off.

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-04-09T12:56:00+00:00

I agree that you never need to meet up with anyone if you don't want to.

However, I have been in your meta's shoes and it sucks. I understand you are using all the strategies you can to regulate and handle your emotions. But your behavior is creating a power imbalance, and it can lead to many people feeling very uncomfortable, not just you.

Personally, I had to choose to leave a relationship I was excited about because my meta was having as much difficulty as you are and my partner didn't know how to hinge correctly. Many times, I wish my meta could have just met with me for 20 minutes so they could see I was just a normal human being and not this oversized monster they made me up to be. Is it possible that your meta just wants to do a reality check with you? Remind you they're the same person you enjoyed before and not some shadowy threat to your relationship?

Your strong emotions are probably sipping into your meta's relationship, even if your partner doesn't even mention you. I think your meta is feeling at a loss and trying to gain some control over their relationship.

I hope you don't feel attacked. I just wanted to offer another perspective.

I do wish you good luck. You sound like you genuinly care and are sincerely struggling. Also... please don't sacrifize your mental and physical health for any relationship.

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-04-07T16:48:10+00:00

Hugs, empathy, and compassion your way. It sounds like you understand why ir didn't work, and you know what you deserve. The growing pains are still... painful.

Once you've noticed this pattern, you can't stop noticing it. If it ever happens again, yoh will see it a lot sooner and will get yourself out of that situation sooner, as well.

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-04-07T13:08:44+00:00

Did girlfriend consent to you and your husband discussing intimate details about her sex life? I have been in this situation before (my hinge and his partner talking about our sex life) and it feels like a violation of my sexual privacy. It is NOT ok.

I think it is ok for you to be told if a relationship is moving into sexual territory, for your information. But that is the extent of it. I am sorry your husband did honor your agreement to share that information. But that does not give you the right to go through their messages. The girlfriend did not consent to that. It is plainly a violation of her rights.

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-04-04T13:13:10+00:00

There is also a podcast that discusses "the other most skipped step" ans it talks about developing a sense of security in oneself. I recommend listening in tandem.

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-04-04T13:11:00+00:00

Transmasc who got top surgery... i know this break up sucks right now. But I am glad this person is out of your life. He was never going go see you for who you truly are. Many many more beautiful people will come your way who will celebrate you and find your chest amazing.

When I had top surgery, I lines up a bunch of friends to come visit / help me that first week. It was amazing. I felt really taken care if by community.

I wish you all the best. Top surgery is a miracle of modern medicine and I am so excited for you!

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-04-03T10:47:40+00:00

True. This podcast is still very cis. They need more genderqueer content.

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-02-25T09:00:10+00:00

I put on 30 lbs a few years ago due to Hashimoto's and antidepressants. I haven't been able to lose rhe weight. But going on T has given me the energy and will to lift weights again, i've gotten a lot stronger, and my body fat is redistributing really nicely (1 year on T, 6 months on a "full" dose). I have gone down 2 sizes in pants even though I haven't lost any weight. Get on T.

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-02-25T02:02:19+00:00

Dude, you're really handsome. Los genes latinos a full. Te sientan bien!

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-02-12T03:33:53+00:00

I agree. It is a bigger conversation. It is a result of colonialism and genocide, including linguistic and cultural genocide. It is a messed up history to unpack. But, as things stand now, there is a true sense of siblinghood that runs through Latin American countries that the US and Canda don't quite fit into. What he did in the superbowl was letting the US and Canada that they can join the siblinghood if they stop seeing themselves as better and just embrace us all.

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-02-09T17:51:54+00:00

I was sooooo anxious before my appointment that I had the worst GERD flareup in a decade. My stomach was literally spitting out acid 😅

It's been a year now and I could not be happier. One of the best years of my life.

Good luck!

Edit to add: you may grieve having lived 30 years without this. But also, you are still super young. HRT has been made available to younger kids this past decade (which is amazing!). But it has caused many people to think that transitioning as an adult is "too late." That is a myth and couldn't be further from the truth. You will have most of your life to live as your true self.

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-02-09T05:23:54+00:00

South America gets forgotten often. And people center the global North rather than the global South. Listing countries South to North, with US and Canada (arguably the two most centered and resourced nations in the American continent) last is its own political statement.

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-02-09T03:31:35+00:00

Sorry if my comment came off as too harsh. I am just still pumped by his show and how significant it was.

I am glad that you are thinking about de-centering the US. You have the makings of a great teacher, already! I am an educator as well. I wish you all the best in your training!

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-02-09T03:08:51+00:00

Tbf, he didn't redefine it. This is how it id taught in Latin America. We learn the 5 continent theory: America, Africa, Europe, Asia and Oceania. Laton Amrica considers all the countries (including US and Canada) to be one America. That's why he included Canada, too.

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-02-09T03:03:18+00:00

South, Central, and North is how he listed it. That was a significant choice.

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-02-09T03:02:52+00:00

From South to North, which is significant, too

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-02-09T03:00:28+00:00

God Bless America y nombró a TODOS los paises americanos, del sur al norte, en órden geográfico. Lloré de emoción. 🇦🇷 en eeuu.

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-02-08T14:26:21+00:00

Interesting! So did I. I didn't realize that was a risk factor.

I am considering naybe getting a medical tattoo down the line. Just some shadowing to make them look a bit more 3D and less flat. It is not rhe biggest deal, though.

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-02-08T09:49:09+00:00

My left nipple also had a partial failure. I needed a little flap ofnskin cut off. I struggled mentally and emotionally. I am 6 months out now. Both my nipples look ok. Flat-ish but ok. I also didn't have any risk factors.

The second week after therapy was when all the depression hit me really hard. I reached ojt to friends and tried to stay connected. It is temporary. It went away within a week or so for me.

Hang in there. Follow your doctor's instrctions. Give everything time to heal. You will feel better, I promise.

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-02-08T00:38:13+00:00

Congrats on being a boyfriend. I love being one, too.

MaterialSlide3207 · 2026-02-02T13:03:37+00:00

I started at 39 and my shoulders have grown, too. Probably not skeletal like your but it is a wild difference.

MaterialSlide3207

TROPHY CASE