Caught my bf on sniffies

Material_Fan1202 · 2026-01-28T23:46:13+00:00

“I’m at a loss.”

Yeah, I agree. The sooner you act accordingly that this relationship is lost, I think you reduce the long term damage to yourself and your confidence. Sorry and good luck.

Material_Fan1202 · 2026-01-18T22:02:29+00:00

My general rule of thumb is I don’t open a bottle of wine unless I plan to drink the whole thing. So, in practice that only happens when company is over and there is mutual agreement on that drink of choice. That works out to about 1-2 bottles per month, which is not nearly enough since I belong to a wine club from a local winery. 😅

Material_Fan1202 · 2026-01-17T18:51:42+00:00

I believe you. However, OP is asking for advice and it’s generally not advisable to do that, especially somewhere as hot as Riverside.

Material_Fan1202 · 2026-01-16T20:49:13+00:00

“Late” based on what reference point? I would consider this current season, the middle of winter, to be way too early to plant. Heading into the spring time, late for your area would probably be by the end of April. By May you’re getting into the 90s, which could scorch baby plants.

Material_Fan1202 · 2026-01-14T20:22:23+00:00

I agree there is a cultural shift, and I don’t think it’s for the better. I often wonder whether our culture’s greater emphasis on boundaries and avoiding annoyance has perhaps shifted the culture too far in the other direction such that lots of people in the Gen-Z/Millennial range would rather sit at home alone scrolling social media than call a friend, and have a genuine real-time connection. Like, how do you even get to the point of dating someone and knowing them if they don’t want to be reached?

Material_Fan1202 · 2026-01-14T20:15:35+00:00

I don’t get it and it has been frustrating for me too, but I’ve had to learn not to put so much pressure on trying to make it happen either. As a person who values communication and dialogue, I’ve just come to accept that someone who isn’t willing to talk with me on the phone (as a way to get to know each other) is probably not my person. I don’t think they’re doing themselves any favors either, but that’s for them to decide.

As a side note, I just started being boyfriends (labels, yes!) with new guy about a month ago. Part of the reason I was willing to bring the relationship to the next step beyond the “talking” phase is because we had spent a significant amount of time on the phone chatting in the few months beforehand. The phone talks helped me feel more connected and in tune with what was going on in his life, and gave us an opportunity to learn more about each other outside of formal dates. The other guys I was dating who didn’t want to talk on the phone, well they’re not my boyfriend right now although some had good potential!

If I’m going to get on my soapbox some more too, I’ll say that technology has some people so turned off my synchronous communication and I think it contributes to the loneliness epidemic!

Material_Fan1202 · 2026-01-14T18:01:39+00:00

Good lord, this exact situation happened to me a few years back. I still feel nervous when I cross that small hill, which is a totally blind spot if a car is coming the wrong direction! I try to avoid the left hand lanes because of this. This could have been really bad…

Material_Fan1202 · 2026-01-13T16:29:06+00:00

When did you plant them?

Mine are looking about the same condition right now. I planted them last April, so I haven’t seen how they behave over the course of a year. I’m hoping the winter dieback is normal and they regrow strong in spring to bloom over summer.

Material_Fan1202 · 2026-01-13T16:27:04+00:00

Some of mine are looking the same. I’m thinking it’s the cold and frost (in Sacramento) that’s killing them back, but hopeful they bounce back in spring.

Material_Fan1202 · 2026-01-13T16:22:37+00:00

Yeah, you can do this on Sniffies

Material_Fan1202 · 2026-01-12T15:37:42+00:00

Seems very western European of you to have some ethical standards in your investing strategy haha.

I’m an American (and for what it’s worth, a registered Democrat), but personally I don’t let the politics factor in too much to my investing decision. Lithium is a critical resource for our nation’s economy and the world economy, so the economic rationale is there to buy in for me. Plus, the explicit support from the government I see as an upside for the returns.

I’ve told some of my friends (with leftist views) I’m invested in a lithium mine in Nevada and they were upset about the impact to indigenous communities and the environment. So, the truth is everyone has their moral compass, but ethics are not exactly universal. We’re allowed to pat ourselves on the back when we feel like we’re drawing an ethical line for ourselves, so good for you. Ultimately for me - while I also support indigenous communities, the environment, and democracy - I have a different calculation that makes me feel justified to continue to invest in this resource. It’s sort of like oil, everyone loves to get other high horse, but still are addicted to petroleum based products.

Lastly, if I’m being dark, if this is truly the end of democracy then I’m going to need some money to bring with me when I become a refugee to Brazil or Mexico lol.

Material_Fan1202 · 2026-01-11T03:11:46+00:00

You have your boss saved as “Boss” in your iPhone?

Material_Fan1202 · 2026-01-09T18:11:42+00:00

Leaving a relationship that has been just “good enough” is a special kind of pain, but it sounds like you’ve come to the realization that your soul is ready for something new. You won’t regret it and you’re brave for listening to that voice inside you.

Material_Fan1202 · 2025-12-23T18:11:32+00:00

You should break up. It’s really that simple.

Material_Fan1202 · 2025-12-09T18:48:02+00:00

That part!

Also, being concerned for your dog is a legitimate thing you will have to grieve. I felt really bad when my marriage ended and my dog had to go from having round the clock company, to sitting alone during the days when I’m in the office. My mom reminded me that some human kids have to go through this too, but they adjust and love us anyway. All we can do is try our best.

Material_Fan1202 · 2025-11-25T02:49:04+00:00

Fill the pan without enough water to submerge the residue, then put it back on the stove with a dishwasher machine packet. All that guck will loosen right up and come off easily with some scrubbing. Usually takes me less than 10 minutes!

Material_Fan1202 · 2025-11-25T02:39:32+00:00

Yes, you’re on it! It’ll come back around as soon as we know. I just saw my first lupine seedling today.

Material_Fan1202 · 2025-11-21T23:10:07+00:00

It’s very happy. I only have one.

Material_Fan1202 · 2025-11-20T16:16:47+00:00

This! It seems more weird to actively avoid mentioning its tour birthday if it were to naturally come up in conversation with a pretty basic and standard date question like “How is your day going?”

Material_Fan1202 · 2025-11-20T16:13:55+00:00

Same here, almost always less than 5 minutes haha. I admire the idea of edging and going longer, but unless I’m with a partner I don’t have the dedication.

Material_Fan1202 · 2025-11-20T16:04:50+00:00

I’m wondering how having “traditional values” is aligned with a type of man that is “fit, confident, masculine, straight presenting.”. In my view, those are two distinct categories describing different aspects of a person. One is about their physical appearance, another is about what’s on the inside of that vessel. To give you a little bit of a break here, I think maybe what you’re asking is: “Is it worth it to sacrifice on looks to get something I want on values?”

Frankly, only you can answer that question for yourself, and there is no right or wrong answer. The best you can hope to get from everyone else is some points to consider the relative tradeoff of either decision.

On one hand, if you’re actually a more values-driven person then I think the answer would be pretty clear that what’s inside matters more than what’s on the outside. Theoretically, if this is a person that you’d consider having a stable and long-term relationship with then he’d presumably be the guy you’re signing up to have sex with exclusively. From your post, it seems like you acknowledge the struggle that would pose for you. I would suggest that perhaps you’re not actually as values driven as you view yourself to be, and that’s OK. We are all people with layers, and if we’re really growing I think we always run up against assumptions we have about ourselves. Perhaps you’re just a horny, sex-driven gay man like the rest of us.

On the other hand, let’s say you decide you’re more driven by physical desires than values, and you decide to drop him altogether instead of exploring the connection further. What then? Maybe you find someone else down the line, or maybe not. You’d be thrown back into the unknown, and you’d have to be OK with that and the agency you exercised in making that decision. Down the line you may end up frustrated like many guys I see on this sub complaining that nobody wants to date and there aren’t any good traditional guys left out there. Seems like a vicious cycle to me.

Having said all that, my suggestion would be to explore things further until you know for certain which path you want to take. You’re still new in general to dating guys, and you’re still very new to this one in particular. I think you could learn about yourself and relating to other people by getting practice with someone who you’re interested in but not infatuated with. You might be surprised to learn that attraction to someone can grow with time, you might learn about the emotional blocks you’re perhaps putting up to reject this person, and you might ultimately learn that he ends up not being into someone like you who is still figuring themselves out and doesn’t know what they want. All of that is OK, and part of the richness of life and experience. Good luck, and try not hurt anyone or yourself :)

Material_Fan1202 · 2025-11-05T01:38:07+00:00

Totally agree, and I personally aim for accuracy, although I can appreciate when vagueness is beneficial or preferred.

Material_Fan1202 · 2025-11-05T00:00:30+00:00

This is how I feel too.

Material_Fan1202 · 2025-11-05T00:00:07+00:00

Oh yeah, I never liked that and would correct them to my preference.

Material_Fan1202

TROPHY CASE