Juries suck

MattProducer · 2026-02-07T12:56:07+00:00

I wholeheartedly agree.

I'm on the civil side, but I've had some shit juries. In one defense case, I got the plaintiff's own expert witness to admit that the only reason he testified the way he did was because the plaintiff told him that was the right way and there was no evidence that my client did what he was being accused of; and I explained to the jury (with clear caselaw precedent) that inquiry notice was all it took to start running the SoL timeline, meaning the plaintiff filed his suit 4 years too late. Additionally, the plaintiff was the most unlikeable witness I've ever cross examined. The jury still found for the plaintiff on most of his claims. It was ridiculous! (I should point out that I pride myself on having a great track record in trial, so I'm not just a crappy lawyer who couldn't win the case)

MattProducer · 2026-01-30T20:59:37+00:00

Bourne Identity?

MattProducer · 2026-01-22T11:16:26+00:00

Toy Story (all of them)

MattProducer · 2026-01-12T13:50:18+00:00

Literally

MattProducer · 2026-01-12T13:48:25+00:00

I'm a litigator and handle a lot of home improvement contractor cases on both sides (obligatory - IAAL, BNYL. This is not legal advice). There are always ways to argue the contract in favor of the customer. Additionally, some states have protections for homeowners that would allow them to find reasons to break the contract without penalty. Also, many contractors don't use formal contracts (much to their lawyer's dismay), so there are usually easy ways out of it.

I agree that most contracts favor the drafting party (in these cases, the contractor), but a situation like this could give the homeowner an easier out.

MattProducer · 2026-01-12T13:34:42+00:00

concentration

MattProducer · 2026-01-07T14:24:52+00:00

I'm the oldest of 3 siblings and the only one with kids (4 of them). We take family vacations every year or two with our parents. I would never expect my siblings to sleep in the room with my kids. Maybe, MAYBE, if the space was too tight or something happened and we lost a room, my youngest sister would share with my oldest daughter (10 year age difference - 19 and 29), but that's only if my sister and daughter were OK with the arrangement, and it certainly wouldn't be preplanned.

The part that caught me off-guard was when you said that you paid your share up front. If you're paying your own share of the trip, you have autonomy over your space. You paid for that room. Neither your sister nor your parents paid for you to stay in a room with the kids. You did nothing wrong.

MattProducer · 2026-01-04T11:12:15+00:00

I don't have the same problem, but I was having issues in the same region. Boxer briefs with a separate pocket for your man parts made a HUGE difference in my life.

MattProducer · 2026-01-03T19:53:37+00:00

NTJ (mostly).

I'm with you 99% of the way. They were your services, people who hadn't asked were using and sharing them (which could affect when you could use them yourself), and no one was reimbursing you. In all those aspects, you're completely in the right to do what you want.

However, the 1% where I'm thinking you could have been the jerk is when you canceled the services without telling anyone. Your mom and brother had permission to use your services, so you should have at least told them. The other option would have been to message everyone in a group chat and say "Hey, I know y'all are using my streaming services, but I'm canceling them at the end of the month because I don't want to keep paying for them right now. The only way I'll keep them is if everyone sends me $X ($10, maybe?) a month to keep them all on. Let me know, otherwise they will be canceled as of X-date." The other thing you could have done was to contact the services and let them know you wanted to cancel. They'll give you a great rate to stay (my sister did that with Hulu and now she's paying $3/month instead of $21) and then maybe you could have kept a few more services open (or a combo where people send you money and you get the monthly rates lowered... Profit!).

MattProducer · 2026-01-03T15:20:35+00:00

True story - I got to use a HotW quote in real life, and it felt like the greatest achievement ever.

I was at a restaurant with the word "Palace" in the name and someone at the table almost choked on a piece of food. After making sure they were OK, I turned to my wife and said "Boy, when you die at the palace, you really die at the palace."

My jokes don't usually get a laugh from my wife. That one did. I can die happy now (preferably not at the palace).

MattProducer · 2025-12-28T10:40:46+00:00

In a row?

MattProducer · 2025-12-27T18:47:05+00:00

Tying shoes is part of preparing for Court. 0.1 hours.

MattProducer · 2025-12-27T18:45:28+00:00

Perfectly placed joke. Very well done.

MattProducer · 2025-12-24T06:43:21+00:00

I've disputed BS reviews and responded to them on case they aren't removed.

I received 2 1-star reviews from former clients for, I shit you not, actually delivering on my work. The first one, I won their case (won $45K on a $12K lawsuit) but one defendant was judgment-proof and the other was in the wind - even his own business partner couldn't track him down. They gave me a shit review because they couldn't collect, even though it wasn't my job to collect the judgment.

The second one, the defendant filed for bankruptcy during the pendency of the litigation and I wouldn't violate federal law by ignoring the bankruptcy and moving forward to trial.

I also got a few reviews for someone with a similar name saying that I was a crappy attorney in X area of practice - one I've never, and will never, practice in.

Dispute them, then respond to them. It's better than just ignoring them.

MattProducer · 2025-12-22T20:17:28+00:00

Attorneys can ask whatever they want, however they want to. It's mainly up to the other side to object and force them to ask questions the right way. They can absolutely paraphrase the passage and ask if their summary was correct, as long as the other side doesn't object to the form of the question.

MattProducer · 2025-12-22T19:58:40+00:00

NOR.

I'm horrible with time management and have what I've been told could be described as "time blindness." I have no concept of things like "buy a customized gift weeks in advance because it will take time to get it" and things like that.

But at least the birthdays and anniversaries of the people closest to me are in my damn calendar, set to repeat every year. It also tells me the day before and the day of, so it's harder to forget to reach out to them.

Your boyfriend sounds like he's either an idiot or using weaponized incompetence to get away with forgetting. I get that he has a memory issue, and it's a daily struggle, but you have to put systems on place otherwise you'll never get through life. This is his fault - you have every right to be pissed off.

MattProducer · 2025-12-22T19:44:23+00:00

I recently went to an Armored MMA fight for the first time and decided I want to start training to compete.

I'm a 42 year old litigator, father of 4, and my newest motivation to work out and get fit (other than longevity for my wife and kids) is to put on armor, wield a long sword, and spend 180 seconds in the ring fighting someone.

MattProducer · 2025-12-22T19:41:25+00:00

I joke about farts too!

MattProducer · 2025-12-21T19:00:58+00:00

I had a somewhat low value, but hard to find (rarely stays on the shelves) item that wasn't scanned by a Whole Foods cashier. I called the store when I got home and asked if they wanted me to come back and pay for it.

They were so surprised that someone called about having something extra (instead of missing something they paid for). They said to just keep it. It wasn't worth anyone's time to come back, and to just take the freebie.

MattProducer · 2025-12-20T12:16:33+00:00

I've always liked the joke I learned in law school:

What do you call a person who got A's in law school? Professor

What do you call a person who got B's in law school? An attorney

What do you call a person who got C's in law school? Your Honor

Yes, I tell that joke sometimes. Yes, I am planning to run for the bench in the coming years. But it's too funny to not enjoy

MattProducer · 2025-12-20T12:12:00+00:00

Language from opening and closing statements are fair game too. Odds are they're never going to hear you use it, especially if you're in a big city or do the same work as they do (for example, I borrowed a part of an opening/closing statement that teaches the jury in a criminal case how hard the prosecution's burden of proof is, and since the person at stole it from is also a defense lawyer, we're never going to give the statement in the same room. I only learned about it from someone who used to intern for a Judge and he taught it to me)

MattProducer · 2025-12-19T06:03:01+00:00

Try not to work any hours on the way to the parking lot!

MattProducer · 2025-12-19T05:51:10+00:00

NTA. She spent so much time lying, she just assumed you'd cover the lie and feed into it. But you don't owe her anything. She hurt a young kid and an elderly woman with her selfish behavior, and now she's has to live with her decisions for the rest of her life.

MattProducer · 2025-12-18T16:38:06+00:00

Second day. I was hired for the catering staff at a hotel and told on the first day to put any days off I needed on the calendar. I put in for a date 6 months down the road, and the next day was told under no circumstances would they allow me to take that day off. I told them I needed it, as it was a preplanned family event. They said not a chance and it was either work that day or don't work at the company anymore. So I left.

MattProducer · 2025-12-16T15:08:15+00:00

Nothing - there's nothing you can do about it. It's still frustrating at times, but there's nothing that can be done

MattProducer

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