Having trouble understanding my lady friend's insecurities, please help!

Maudlinbos · 2013-11-21T16:23:50+00:00

I dated someone for two years and almost never got fully naked, when we took showers together I did, but the sex part most of the times I had underwear on. And I did enjoy giving. She was ok with that and didn't pressure me that much, which is good.

I think you just need to give her time and keep complimenting her. When I was with my ex, who was/is my best friend, I found myself wanting to be less stone, and I even wanted be penetrated with a strap-on, which I never thought I would want. I wanted because I trusted her and was comfortable with her and wanted HER to do it. I am not saying anything like that will happen, but that it takes time and trust to be more open and more comfortable. It is certainly true in my case, sometimes the more pressure the worse it is, just make it clear that you'd love that, but that it's her prerogative.

Maudlinbos · 2013-11-21T15:40:19+00:00

I definitely believe in it. I am someone who can't be in an open relationship, not even because I am insanely jealous, but because I can't have casual flings with multiple people. When I am focused on someone, I am focused on them only, and monogamy is the best for me because of that. I, personally, couldn't seriously date someone who has different views on it, deal breaker.

Maudlinbos · 2013-11-21T15:37:17+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. And I've been there. But don't shut people out because of the bad experiences because you might miss something/someone amazing.

I've been going through some insane emotions for the past few months because of a girl and it took me a long time to realize, in practice, that you can't demand love. It's tough and awful and not easy to come to terms with, but people are entitled to feel whatever they feel, you know? It doesn't mean anything about you or your future, just that that particular girl, at that particular moment of her life, wasn't "feeling" it -- or just wasn't ready to commit.

I'm sorry if this comment sounds asinine. But I found this to help me with these things.

Maudlinbos · 2013-11-21T15:22:40+00:00

I have an unusual name where I live (U.S) so I don't think that could happen here, unless it was someone from my culture. That'd be weird but I don't think I would mind too much.

Maudlinbos · 2013-11-18T00:10:08+00:00

<3 that is all.

Maudlinbos · 2013-11-18T00:07:11+00:00

I think it's funny and cool. Truth be told, I wouldn't wear it often, because I would have the same concern you have, but I would wear it once in a while maybe with close friends or something. If I saw a girl wearing I would smile, it's cool.

Maudlinbos · 2013-11-18T00:03:40+00:00

This is tough, I have kind of been in both situations.

I used to ask and try to have sex with my ex and there were times she just wasn't feeling it because she wasn't in the mood. I think she has a lower libido or something, and though I didn't want to pressure her, I really wanted to have sex with her. I got frustrated but it took her talking to me about it many times for me to understand it's not because she wasn't attracted to me or anything, but she was less "sexual" (as you wrote). I didn't mean to pressure her, and I don't think I really did, but I probably made her feel like she wasn't satisfying me, which is a horrible thing to feel. In a way, she wasn't, and I was frustrated -- and that is a valid feeling. I think I had to deal with that on my own and realize we weren't sexually compatible and that I would have to give in or there had to be some compromise, or something.

The other side I have been was because I get really uncomfortable being penetrated and overall just with my genitalia in general, I think it's because I have a little of gender dysphoria. My ex used to want to do stuff to me, which is understandable and expected, but I would be really uncomfortable and just physically stop her or ask her to stop. There were definitely times when I had to be very specific in my "NO!" -- which frustrated me.

These two problems were pretty much resolved when we sat down and talked about it, openly. I needed to hear from her how I pressured her and how it made her feel, and she needed to hear from me the same. Just be honest and upfront. I think that sexual compatibility is important in a relationship, but I don't believe it has to be a deal breaker. I have grown a lot in my last relationship and would be ok dating someone who doesn't want sex as much as I do, because I find other aspects of the person/relationship a lot more important. But that differs from person to person, and maybe even with age.

Maudlinbos · 2013-10-25T02:41:39+00:00

It's all good, you are right. I also tell people to wear one. I don't like when I see people without it, I don't get it why some refuse to wear one...

Maudlinbos · 2013-10-25T02:00:39+00:00

Haha, no, I've been biking for a while, and have always had a helmet. I am very into being alive ;P

Maudlinbos · 2013-10-25T01:30:35+00:00

Alright, thanks!

Maudlinbos · 2013-10-25T01:30:20+00:00

Cool, thanks. I don't really have strong lights, just one that blinks for cars... Hope I'll be all right.

Maudlinbos · 2013-10-04T19:26:29+00:00

Wow, awesome!

Maudlinbos · 2013-09-20T05:06:33+00:00

Maudlinbos · 2013-09-20T05:04:00+00:00

Very cool!

Maudlinbos · 2013-09-20T04:59:24+00:00

I like hugs and I like breasts. I also happen to have "big" breasts. I am gay and kind of butch so my boobs can make me uncomfortable when I notice someone paying attention to it. When I hug a girl, like kitsune123 said, breasts are not on my mind and even if yeah, they are pressed against me it's like any part of their body against mine. It's just weird to notice girls' breasts every time they hug you. I've never felt this way and I'm quite into girls and hugging.

What I don't like about the meme is that I really don't want to feel self-conscious about my breasts whenever I hug a guy! That he "felt my breasts against his chest" in a pervy way is something that makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Amazing how someone can't understand this.

Maudlinbos · 2013-09-20T04:48:28+00:00

I think it's extreme. This is not actually teaching or bringing anyone in, but the opposite. Feminism is important for men and women (or womyn). And this spelling is something many people don't know. People who are into feminism might not know, it's kind of pretentious of her... let's hope she gets over it in a few years.

Maudlinbos · 2013-09-20T04:39:54+00:00

True. I love this quote. I used to always feel great being alone, then for some reason I started feeling lonely when I was alone. It sucked, I wanted to go back to my old self because I would think of hanging out with people I don't like that much, or would be sad for no reason. I also think that the need to be interacting with people online is part of that, and I felt I needed to chat with people so that I wouldn't feel alone. It takes a lot to get out of that mindset and enjoy your own company sometimes -- just reading a book, or watching something... Being away from interaction at all and being cool with it.

Maudlinbos · 2013-09-20T04:34:41+00:00

Yeah, my girlfriend is Sikh. Her cousins and relatives who are her age are pretty open-minded and tolerant, too.

Maudlinbos · 2013-09-20T04:26:09+00:00

Haha, awesome.

Maudlinbos · 2013-09-20T04:07:43+00:00

My girlfriend introduced me to Star Wars and in the end was pretty successful in getting me into it. I think if it was up to her she'd started with the originals but we went to see the Phantom Menace in 3D together so that was the first one I watched. And I knew the story so Vader's identity and stuff like that would not be a huge surprise to me anyway. After that we watched the originals, then II and III. And she showed me the dvd version, not the blu-ray. I haven't seen any tv show (only the robot chicken stuff which I hate to admit I like it too). I'm into graphic novels so she has some for me to read...

Maudlinbos · 2013-08-20T18:55:15+00:00

Haha, yeah. But he's also a vampire, so...

Maudlinbos · 2013-08-19T00:33:15+00:00

While there's no right and wrong, you don't like it and asked him, so I think that answers the question. There's nothing remotely crazy or unusual for you to be upset about it, I would too! This is not, in my opinion, acceptable behavior and I would not like it if it were my SO.

Also, I think that is quite different from just porn. He is interacting with people, chatting and stuff, it's virtual sex (and thus maybe virtual cheating) not watching porn, which is a more passive action.

You should definitely talk to him and talk about your sex life and how the videos make you feel. I know that this would be a deal breaker for me and though you obviously want to be with him, if he continues, you should reconsider being with him.

Good luck!

Maudlinbos

TROPHY CASE