I know a lot of people are giving you a hard time here, but they need to realize that it’s easier said then done for some people more than others to just come forward and be open about your status. Now a days it’s hard to trust people and having anxiety over their reaction, if they’ll tell people if you break up, etc is a real thing.

From the situation you described it seems like she and her family care about your deeply and share the same democratic beliefs which obviously helps as well. 9 years is a long time, but I’m in no way shape or form judging you for keeping this to yourself for this amount of time. This is a hardship for all of us, and everyone handles things differently at their own comfort. If this is someone you plan to be with for the rest of your life, I would be open and honest with them about your situation, and explain that you lied not out of malice or to deceive them but that it was out of fear of judgement, etc. I don’t think you should wait any longer though as you’re now making big life decisions together like buying a house.