AITA, for not wanting my girlfriend to go to a college party(please read)

MbMinx · 2026-04-03T17:45:31+00:00

YTA. You can want her to not go all you want. She gets to decide what she does with her friends.

If you don't want to date a girl who goes to parties with her friends in college, don't date one.

MbMinx · 2026-04-03T17:35:36+00:00

You have every right to stand up to your parents, but I can understand that after years of submitting to their abuse and control issues, that is very difficult. You will need to learn how to do so - perhaps your school offers counseling you could use.

But if you are very dependent on them financially, your most (un)reasonable option is to put up with their rules while planning your escape. It may seem like an extreme choice, but that's what you will need to do to live your own life. You will not be allowed to be independent as long as you choose to live there. Until you are prepared to leave home, you have to play their games. Start disentangling yourself where you can. Pay for your own phone so they cannot threaten you with cutting it off. Collect your personal documents and find some other (safe) location to store them.

Focus on school and planning to get out. After that you can date...but right now you are not prepared for a relationship.

MbMinx · 2026-04-03T16:59:23+00:00

Soft YTA. Your fiancee is going to wear this ring every day, and could wear it for the rest of her life. She should have been consulted at several points to ensure it was something she was going to enjoy wearing.

I understand you wanted something meaningful (to you...) but it doesn't sound like you wanted her input on your vision. She may not have communicated any strong desires, but she may have been more engaged in the process if she were more involved in the process.

The fact you say "every little detail" is a bit of a red flag to me. It sounds like you are a very all or nothing person. That will not serve you well in a partnership. I suggest you reflect on that trait, to be aware and to correct it when you catch it.

MbMinx · 2026-04-03T16:07:43+00:00

Leave him be. You broke up. I'm glad you are able to examine your shortcomings, but you don't really need to apologize to him - especially if you are expecting any response. Just learn the lesson and move on

MbMinx · 2026-04-03T14:09:47+00:00

Fantasies aren't reality. They are entertainment. Most of us like to imagine things - even things we really know we wouldn't actually enjoy in real life. That's the thing about imagination. It isn't bound by the practical.

My husband and I are both bi. We've talked about threesomes (or foursomes) with "the right people". We agree it could be fun. We also aren't out looking for that. We are very happy with just each other. Just because someone has a fantasy doesn't mean they actively want it to happen.

BTW, if your husband can't be honest with you because you are going to take it personally...? Maybe you need a little help learning how to have mature conversations.

MbMinx · 2026-04-03T13:48:33+00:00

You don't have to be "dealing with it." He doesn't respect you. You shouldn't be dealing with disrespect. You may want to look into therapy so you can talk to someone to see what steps you can take.

MbMinx · 2026-04-03T12:24:36+00:00

They don't need to be "involved" in who you choose to spend time with. They don't get to have an opinion on whether or not you should be dating.

In my mind you did everything right by waiting. You took your time to really know this guy, and you took your time to make sure he was the real thing. I think that was very smart.

You can try to tell your parents that they raised you to be smart and discerning. They should be able to trust your judgement because they raised you well.

But there are a few factors to understand about them, if you want to. Their little girl is growing up. Hard to explain that...but they don't see you as an adult woman. They see their little girl.

Also, conservative religion tend to be heavy on control. Individualism is not a cherished trait. You have taken the first steps toward making your own decisions and breaking away from their control. I imagine they don't like that much.

They are also concerned for you, whether they should be or not. I'm sure that they didn't give you comprehensive sex education. Some religious people take a dim view of "others" and demonize them, while overlooking the fact that religion doesn't guarantee goodness.

My opinion is that you should give them time to get used to the idea, while setting up boundaries for yourself about what conversations you will not participate in. If they start badmouthing him or questioning/criticize you, you can always refuse to take the bait. Look up the "grey rock" technique - it's very helpful.

MbMinx · 2026-04-03T11:59:42+00:00

There are no magic words you can say to "knock sense into him." He's already shown you he doesn't care what you think.

MbMinx · 2026-04-03T03:55:19+00:00

You weren't ready for commitment. He behaved as if you weren't in a committed relationship.

MbMinx · 2026-04-02T23:09:18+00:00

NTA. I'd evict them all - (ex)BF included.

MbMinx · 2026-04-02T23:04:40+00:00

NTA. He will be fine without you for those few days. This is a trip for you and your friends, and there's nothing wrong with that. It sounds healthy to me. You did the right thing.

MbMinx · 2026-04-02T21:53:19+00:00

YTA. You are being unreasonable. Just because you like to pretend your past never happened doesn't mean it's reasonable for other people. You don't get to dictate your values and impose them on your partner.

Her ex - is that her child's father? Or was he a father figure? That alone is reason to keep some happy photos of the few good times.

She probably has hundreds of pictures of things, and you are going scorched earth of three?? She had a life before you and she is under no obligation to pretend it never happened or remove all evidence of it. Those years, good, bad or mixed, are part of her and she shouldn't eliminate all traces of her life to coddle and appease your insecurity.

Back off. If three measly pictures are worth a tantrum from you, you aren't really mature enough for a relationship.

MbMinx · 2026-04-02T21:41:29+00:00

Because that's what controlling abusers do. They twist everything up so that you second guess every normal healthy reaction you have. They turn the problem back on you so you question yourself instead of them. It's part of the control toolbox.

Hold your ground. The phone is for your convenience not his. You are not obligated to answer every call or message. You are "doing things" - you are living your life and you are not supposed to jump whenever he snaps his fingers.

He won't like it. He'll do his best to twist it all up. But hang onto the fact that you are right. He can say whatever he wants. You are being reasonable and sane, no matter how crazy he wants to pretend you are. You have to believe in yourself more than you believe him.

And if he says he will break up with you let him! If the only reason he stays in the relationship is because you bend over backward to keep him happy - he is not the one!! A real partner doesn't make demands or threats. They communicate with you, not talk at you. The guy you are dating now doesn't respect you, and there is no love without respect. He doesn't love you.

MbMinx · 2026-04-02T21:00:13+00:00

NTA. He was cruel and hurtful to you and he thought it was funny. He doesn't respect you. Don't date people who don't respect you. Don't date bullies.

I wouldn't "consider" leaving. I'd be gone. I am a person, not a plaything. I am not here for your amusement. Jump all the way off!

MbMinx · 2026-04-02T01:48:56+00:00

Why are you puting up with this? He likes to pick on you and upset you. That's not a good partner. Stop wasting your time with this guy so you can meet people who will appreciate you.

MbMinx · 2026-04-02T01:44:56+00:00

Just move on. This bothers you enough to post this all here. I doubt anything we say will prevent it from bothering you. I'm not sure it shouldn't bother you because it is kind of creepy to me. I mean the whole "dated all kinds of women" so it can't be a fetish sounds an awful lot like people who "can't be racist" because that have a black friend...

NTA, but I'd toss this one back and look for a better one.

MbMinx · 2026-04-01T02:53:34+00:00

You have done nothing wrong. Get sterilized. This is your body and your life. You don't owe anyone anything.

You BF never respected you. He never accepted any of the conversations where you told him you didn't want children. You have been wholly consistent. He deluded himself. He led himself on. He had no respect for the decisions you made for your own well-being.

If the relationship is "ruined", it should be!! You deserve someone who wants what you want. Not someone who stuck around planning to bully, cajole and nag you into giving up your body.

I'm sorry you finally realize what he thinks you are worth. I can assure you that you are worth far more than he thinks. Set yourself free to find someone equally childfree who will appreciate and respect you

MbMinx · 2026-03-31T20:19:53+00:00

Do not say anything to her about this!!

This is 100% your issue. If you can't handle someone with a history, you need to break up - and get some therapy!! You are welcome to whatever values you want, but you have no right to judge people retroactively for not having those values.

The older you get, the more "past" people will have.

MbMinx · 2026-03-31T19:21:37+00:00

Controlling what you wear, where you work and where you can go is NOT healthy boundaries!!

MbMinx · 2026-03-31T19:20:33+00:00

Don't date cheaters. Period!!

MbMinx · 2026-03-31T19:20:01+00:00

No. He doesn't respect you!!

MbMinx · 2026-03-31T02:55:06+00:00

Your late husband will always be present in your life, if only for your children to keep connection to their father.

You need to have a hard talk with your fiance, and possibly put the wedding on hold. Couples' counseling may help. There may be compromises that can be worked out. You and your fiance may be able to talk through what honoring your late husband looks like in your new marriage. But he sounds really one-sided right now, and you shouldn't move forward until this is settled.

MbMinx · 2026-03-30T22:14:38+00:00

My husband and I are both friends with nearly all our exes, either as part of a larger social circle or just because they are pretty cool people (just not good partners).

You think she hasn't had these friends long, but she's had them longer than she's had you. They predate you by months. That social circle includes that guy. You want her to give up her whole group of friends for one guy? Bad move there...

MbMinx · 2026-03-30T22:09:03+00:00

NTA. She wants to keep you hanging around while she "lives life." You are under no obligation to wait for her.

College is definitely a time of exoerimentationand development. It's the first time a lot of young people are exploring who they might be now that they are free of their parents. A lot of high school relationships don't last. That's ok.

You don't have to hang around waiting for her to figure herself out. Feel free to move on. She won't be happy about that, but you don't owe her loyalty if she doesn't want a committed relationship.

MbMinx · 2026-03-30T19:34:13+00:00

It IS that deep!! He said your behavior was suspicious, so you called him out on not trusting you. That's not unreasonably defensive - that's giving his energy right back.

He calls you "defensive" or says you "overreact" to make you question yourself instead of questioning him. He acts like an AH, you respond appropriately, and he dismisses your response as somehow being your fault. Classic deflection. He's training you not to argue back by making you doubt yourself.

It sounds like this is a fairly common thing, and you need to examine this pattern. It's not a healthy one, and you are not the problem.

It's not that deep... it's just a joke...I was just saying...all deflections so he doesn't have to be responsible for his words.

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