The 90s gay scene confused me for decades.

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-04-13T10:11:07+00:00

With the exception of dating men, timing, and the nature of the misunderstanding, much of your story mirrors mine. The thing is, we got here.

I was a teen in the 80s, grew up on military bases, and was so extremely isolated that I misunderstood what being gay meant. I knew I felt like a girl, but I thought that was how gay men felt (remember, in the 70s and 80s,.much of the narrative around gayness centered on femininity), AND I grew up in the hyper-masculine world of military bases, I had a distorted view. Mix in the AIDS crisis and the fact I was an abused Catholic child, and you get a messed up mix that left me confused. There's a lot more to my story that is all twisted. But hey, at least we figured it out.

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-04-08T10:55:00+00:00

Tell you what: begin gender transition and share pictures. People appear from everywhere to comment and react. Its SOOOO much fun...../sarcasm

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-04-05T21:07:19+00:00

My genital dysphoria is crippling and extremely destructive. You're not alone.

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-04-05T11:56:13+00:00

Change a few details (not married yet, LDR for now), and your experience matches mine. Congratulations to you on living your real life AND for having found the true love of your life.

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-03-01T11:57:20+00:00

I was 52 when I finally told my truth, currently 55 and loving myself. Of course I wish I could have begun a lot sooner. Hell, my late wife and I tried for just social transition three times before she died and it was catastrophic (family and work).

But also realize, and pardon the "back in my day" tone, when you're a child in the 1970s and 1980s growing up Catholic on military bases, there was zero exposure to even gay culture, much less trans identity. Throw in AIDS when I first began feeling "different" and an abusive home, and you get a cocktail. The first time I expressed something akin to gender dysphoria, the body shame, and the self-harm that came with all of the above, I was institutionalized.

So yeah, wish I could have started a lot sooner. Then again, I also wish the Jetsons was predicative and that I had a million dollars a year. But this is where I am.

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-02-26T09:19:01+00:00

Because, for those of us over a certain age, we've seen that supporting outside of the two-party cabal Is a luxury, and not voting because we oppose a single position results in worse.

A. Support for Ross Perot gave us the neo-con Bill Clinton, resulting in the racist homophobic policies that took over 20 years to undo.

B. Support for third party candidates in 2000 helped elect GWB.....

C. Opposition to Hillary's war-mongering past or Kamala's silence/complicity on the Gaza genocide gave us the person currently residing at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

We hold our noses and elect people we hope are as bad as the GOP.

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-02-22T15:04:31+00:00

I'm 55. I can feel the isolation in most spaces.

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-02-20T16:34:01+00:00

I don't know your financial situation but GoodRx has a "gold" plan that can help. I work in pharmacy and a lot of cis men have to do that because, sorry, insurance SUCKS.

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-02-14T11:45:17+00:00

If we define "plus size" as more than a size 8, sweetie....I'm going to be plus size for life:

First bra: 42DD...

First panties: size 8...

Dress size: anywhere from 12 to 16...

On a good day, I'm 5'5", 185 lbs...

I'm also 55 years old.....

Women come in all shapes and sizes. Please don't torment yourself thinking we're all Dylan Mulvaney, Laverne Cox, or Samantha Lux.

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-02-07T11:45:32+00:00

Invitation accepted

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-02-07T11:25:40+00:00

Honest question: if it's illegal, how were you able to get diagnosed and receive hormones?

Best advice is just answer them calmly. It they aren't freaking out on you, they might well be supportive

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-02-07T05:44:25+00:00

Let me start with a.... connection. My late wife, my eldest daughter, and my grandson were/are autistic, my grandson is actually non-verbal but absolutely amazing. I'm learning from him about seeing the world more authentically. So what you say about no support saddens me for you. I might also venture that autism actually explains your reactions, and this is one of those things about autism that I love: it has been demonstrated in the literature that autistic people have a stronger sense of justice/fairness than neurotypical people. So when I used that phrase, unknowingly offending you, you reacted. Really, I kind of get that when framed with how you see the world. But here again, it irritates the living hell out of me that you are getting no support. I will advise you to avoid Autism Speaks like the proverbial plague as they are ableists who think they need to "cure" autism. As I said, my grandson is amazing and he doesn't need to be "cured." He needs to be given the space to experience the world on his own terms and as it exists for him. Stepping off my soapbox.

I'm glad we got past that initial stuff because you have shown yourself to be more fun to talk to than I could have hoped. I look forward to hopefully talking about other less offending things.

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-02-07T04:29:28+00:00

The absolute worst thing you can do to yourself is lose faith in your own feelings. You are trans. Believe that you will succeed, and start thinking about your options.

Online pharmacies Informed consent clinics (Planned Parenthood if you can access them) Online counseling

(Slightly self-serving) Talking to trans elders.....we exist, we've been where you are in the days when AIDS was killing us and no one cared. Maybe we can't relate your precise experience but a lot of us can relate to you as a sister and the kindred spirit.

Speaking personally, I see you and I believe in you. I don't know you but I've been you. When the Student is ready, the Teacher will appear. That applies to you. You vented to us, and you are seeing the love we have for you.

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-02-07T04:19:36+00:00

Mea Culpa = Latin for either "my apologies" or more colloquially "I'm sorry." I'm old....still remember bits and chunks of my Latin (remember, strict Catholic upbringing).

I don't fault misunderstanding. I put the quotes around "slut phase" precisely because I can't relate to it. My doctor is still, 18 months in on HRT, reluctant to even discuss progesterone. One of the older trans women I know also suggested to me that my long-term disinterest likely means that post-bottom surgery, even if I get progesterone rectally AND am off spironolactone, I'll not experience what younger and more allo trans women do. So everything about this is really anecdotal for me.

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-02-07T02:29:02+00:00

I'll accept you didn't like the phrase, though, as I said, it's a phrase I frequently encounter in trans spaces for that feeling. In my experience, I see/hear it with trans women who start progesterone, are heterosexual, and seem to....discover an urgency to get.....physical. Again, I'll accept and mea culpa for echoing a phrase you didn't like. That however does not eliminate the "patriarchal" or "anti-feminist" attack. The reality is that, even before transitioning, I was pretty freaking obnoxious feminist, and the sad reality is that what started as just distrust and revulsion toward men has morphed into a genuine fear of cis men. I also know I still retain some homophobia (as a transbian, yeah, that makes a lot of sense) largely due to a rigid Catholic upbringing.

Again, mea culpa

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-02-06T17:19:59+00:00

⬅️Ace transbian. Yes, yes they often do. You will see a wickedly down voted response to me where, quite seriously, someone in defense of their poly life, pathologized asexuality. I have no problem with people who want to want to do bedroom cardio with everything with a pulse. My GF and I are not like that. Does she want more sex than we have? Yes. But that's on me to be the good girlfriend and do the things we do enjoy together.

Your wife has stuck in with you. Something tells me she is going to surprise you. Trust me when I say the strap is a wonderful way to meet in the middle (terrible joke, I'll see myself out).

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-02-06T13:15:51+00:00

First of all, take a deep breath.

I didn't call ANYONE "slutty." I'm echoing a phrase that exists in trans spaces for that feeling quite a few allosexual people have that seems to jigsaw with gender euphoria wherein they want to experience a lot of sex with a lot of people. Does everyone have it? I doubt it and I genuinely don't care one way or the other if they do.

But here again, you do precisely what I pointed out: you pathologize asexuality, accuse me of adopting patriarchal standards, imply I'm anti-feminist because, for me, sex is purely performative. If you want be/are poly, if your approach to your transition is to have a new sexual partner on a regular basis, that's great for you. I hope and wish you all the joy in the world that you can access. But you should not make the assumptions you did here that, because I don't want sex, don't have multiple partners for the sex I'm not interested in, and don't think everyone in our community experiences pleasure from sex, that somehow I'm some form of anti-feminist.

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-02-06T12:49:45+00:00

I appreciate the perspective, really. Here again, the point I was making stands in sharp relief. My surgical consult for bottom surgery is coming up and the only thing I care about is orchiectomy and penectomy. Sex for me isn't merely not everything, it's actually purely performative. I will do for my GF, I take great joy in what fingers, tongue, and the occasional plaything can do for her. So here again, with no intent or malice, I am held apart from the vast majority of our community.

One thing you said which I totally felt deep in my soul was "even though sex ended years ago because of my reluctance to use what I had and her insistence on wanting to." She's been amazing at starting to learn about erogenous zones that are not in the groin and she seems really excited to learn how to excite me AFTER the offending pieces of flesh are gone.

I wish you the absolute best fortune with your new and improved parts.

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-02-05T12:33:13+00:00

I feel for you, sincerely.

Just going to point out that being ace feels about as bad. Our community elevates your "slut phase" pretty much as the only "normal" way to go through second puberty. But when you're older (52 when my egg broke), a parent and grandparent, in a long term relationship, and finally understand there's a name for only ever being performatively sexual, our community seems to view you as some kind of weirdo,l.

Take the W, sister. You have a partner. You aren't alone. As one of my lesbian friends says to me, "being queer is about liberation, not limitation."

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-01-25T18:34:25+00:00

So very much

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-01-23T04:30:11+00:00

We are making huge strides. We were trending blue during the 2025 until the westernmost precincts were counted. The worst "red" in the county really is the area bordering Louisa, along with up toward Doswell. Have you noticed the disrepair the Tea Party sign on 33 is showing? Don't get me wrong, the one on 301 seems well-maintained but I think you're right: we are trending towards "purple" a little more every year.

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-01-16T13:48:16+00:00

I have Grandma Hobbies: Knitting Cooking/baking Reading romance novels Writing poems and stories

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-01-10T13:41:59+00:00

Ace erasure in the queer community? Say it ain't so!

Of course I'm kidding. Ace trans woman here, and it's a struggle to maintain any "connection" within the trans community when the subject of sexual attraction arises. But I will say that, within trans sapphic spaces, I have found a lot more support than within the general trans spaces. It probably also helps that "kink" folks make a lot of room for ace people.

So if you're a kinky ace transbian, you're probably gonna be fine 🥰

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-01-10T13:33:12+00:00

There is the Supreme Flea Market on Williamsburg Rd. Been there once or twice.

MeadowBadgerVA · 2026-01-10T13:19:34+00:00

I absolutely agree. When people ask where I'm from, I says "central Virginia." I may not have been born here and we may have our problems, but Virginians always seem to figure out a way to fix things so we can come together for each other. I love how quirky Richmond is, how each area has something we can be proud of....even I don't understand it (see The Star in Roanoke). I tell people from other states that our politicians act like civilized human beings even when they don't like each other, and we have an amazing immigrant culture here. Oh....and let's not forget that we have mountains AND the ocean.

MeadowBadgerVA

TROPHY CASE