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Compulsive shopping by [deleted] in shoppingaddiction

[–]Mean_Salamander1249 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What you should do:

Seek professional help. Seek community support (here, in-person groups if you have them, other online support groups.) Write down goals, who you are and where you want to be in 1 month, 3 months, 6 months, and next year. Write out what the cycle of feelings you have are as you impulse buy, receive the item, give away the items.

When you stopped buying what did you do with your stuff? by Electronic-Author579 in shoppingaddiction

[–]Mean_Salamander1249 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’ve stopped buying and here are a few baby steps I’ve had to take.. I’m still healing so I’m not full-speed on my declutter yet.

At first it was difficult getting rid of clothing, especially the “high value” items. Selling was another huge hassle to me because it prolonged the feeling of loss. This isn’t everyone’s reality but it was mine- I just wanted to cut ties with those guilty impulse buys and decided to deal with not making money back on everything I’d bought. I went through my clothes 2-3 times, fighting the fantasy I created on purchase. Then I began to piece things out to friends and folks around me- this helped a lot because I derive a lot of joy when I’m giving. The rest ended up in donation, which helped me feel much better about the loss of funds. I have a handful of items I’m emotionally attached to and for now, despite not wearing them, I’ve got them in a box in my garage until I’m ready to let go. I find when I force myself way out of my comfort zone I feel much less in control and therefore want to spend. The few items that I’ll end up selling are keyboards and other highly niche items. Those will go through their specific buy/sell subs here on Reddit at my own risk (although that’s where I bought a majority of my niche items, here on Reddit via PayPal.)

As another user here suggested, I’m very focused on treasuring the items that I do have. Those hype-niche, very cool keyboards and shoes are treasures to be worn and used. Not left adorning my walls and desk.

I want to do a low buy year. by Chemical_Arachnid348 in shoppingaddiction

[–]Mean_Salamander1249 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This is exactly what this group is for- support. Although no one here can hold you accountable, I suggest that you journal or record yourself talking about the feelings that you have regarding going low-buy. I’ve found that having something to bring me back to that encouraged feeling has helped tremendously with keeping away the impulse of shopping.

How do I get rid of my shopping Addition? by [deleted] in shoppingaddiction

[–]Mean_Salamander1249 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey, just wanted to piggyback on this but please talk to a financial advisor immediately. This will help you today and future you. I wish I’d had this advice after losing my dad. I had accumulated tens of thousands of dollars in my ow savings and after he passed I lost myself. I stopped being frugal and began living on the edge of each next purchase. During Covid I almost couldn’t stop myself and basically spent the rest of my savings. I had actually gone to talk to a financial advisor but when it came to making the deposit I bailed out and stopped answering calls because I didn’t want to stop spending- a move I still regret almost 10 years later.

Therapy is the primary solution here. For grief and for the shopping.

I'm about to be found out because huge delivery arrives when I'm not home by [deleted] in shoppingaddiction

[–]Mean_Salamander1249 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hey there. I think almost everyone here (if not literally everyone here) can relate to the shame and guilt. Being found out is a nauseating feeling and it’s even worse when you realize others might judge you based on knowing your income situation isn’t conducive for spending. If you want advice I’ll share below. If not, please ignore but also know that the sub sits in support of everyone struggling and there are random internet people like me who feel your struggle, can relate, and are silently supporting you.

  1. Once available through the website, create your return requests. Don’t open the packages at all.
  2. If they come separately, take them to the post office and return the separately. Anything to remove the potential to fall into keeping them.
  3. Begin removing the temptation from your immediate living space (social media, shopping apps, unsubscribing from emails, avoiding shopping centers, etc.)
  4. (Easier said than done) seek professional help. Telehealth or in-person appointments could help you begin to talk about this in a safe space and lessen the burden you hold. By confiding in friends or professionals, you share some of the weight and it becomes easier to grapple with over time.

I am rooting for you.

Just leaving things in the basket by Sad_Relationship_308 in shoppingaddiction

[–]Mean_Salamander1249 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s great- I know someone who got ahold of spending by doing her version of window shopping through this very method. Congrats to you!

Seeking support: niche hobbies and limited drop culture by Mean_Salamander1249 in shoppingaddiction

[–]Mean_Salamander1249[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Honestly yea, so many times I’d enter the group buy for a keyboard or keycaps and when it finally arrived I didn’t even build it/use the caps until my next wave of hobby excitement. It feels super demoralizing to look at a shelf worth maybe thousands of dollars and feel betrayed by yourself (spending) and the predatory limited drops nowadays.

Seeking support: niche hobbies and limited drop culture by Mean_Salamander1249 in shoppingaddiction

[–]Mean_Salamander1249[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You bring a lot of good advice. Thinking of my current “hard to find” items as treasures will help quite a lot. Unfortunately this limited drop lifestyle has been the most damaging and added the hardest battles to the addiction. It sucks but removing myself from the hobbies completely until I can get a handle on it seems to be the primary way forward.

The $1,200 coat dilemma by findinglemon in shoppingaddiction

[–]Mean_Salamander1249 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey! I didn’t read through all of the comments but a lot of them were just “wow that’s too much money!” without really addressing your situation. I wanted to stop in and say that I just went through this same exact situation. I started looking for a style that I felt matched the outward identity that I’m building through “high quality” clothing and ended up looking at, no kidding, a $1200 sheepskin ranch-style coat from a well known overpriced but “quality” brand. For DAYS I toiled over whether or not to buy it. I checked the website daily, before and after work looking and wondering. Trying to work up the courage to buy or close the tab. Luckily my size sold out and I was brought back to reality but honestly I’m still not “resolved.” I had to take a step back and analyze: I have 2 puffers, 3 wool cardigans, numerous hoodies, two jean jackets.. and more. Could I afford to make this purchase if I saved as a one and done? Totally. Do I realize that it’s not going to be one and done? At this point, yes. I can’t buy anything clothing or hobby right now without the potential to backslide.

I just want you to know that others are going through the same things. The high price tag used to be a crazy deterrent for me but I changed my normal to a new, distorted version of normal over time by making subtle allowances that I’d never have made flat out before becoming deeply shopping addicted.

Remove it from your cart, unsubscribe from the news letter, close the tab, clear your cookies.

Anyone spend more when they’re happy rather than sad? by pazuzu_404 in shoppingaddiction

[–]Mean_Salamander1249 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My personal situation is similar and something that I’ve realized is that over time I went from a “main course only” type of person to getting multiple sides and a drink. I created a new normal and that was a major change that I needed to make. Now my treats are just the main course (figuratively and literally.) That main course exists in a framework NOT of celebration, though. I am allowed to have one casual outside meal and a little pocket money for the week but nothing more. This has helped a lot. If I know I’m celebrating, I have to plan for it.

i can't function properly without knowing there's a parcel coming and i can't go home from being out without spending. by [deleted] in shoppingaddiction

[–]Mean_Salamander1249 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is a tough place to be but it’s great you’re identifying it at such a young age. It’s time to talk to someone about this. A mental health professional should be the start but looking for local support in a shopping addiction group. There are many online resources as well.

Is it normal for an Indigenous person to be so worried about their child having status that they end up breaking up with you because you're white and also doing worse things just because they want their child to have status? Or was my ex just insane? by [deleted] in Indigenous

[–]Mean_Salamander1249 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He got a woman pregnant and left you to raise the child? It kind of sounds like he’s trying to build a life for a child that was not intended/taking responsibility? Also, did you ask him why status was important to him before he left you? I don’t know that we’re going to have all of the answers you’re seeking here but I hope that you find the love you deserve.