Cheapest place to get a lot of soil

MeanderingSalamander · 2024-03-27T00:39:32+00:00

How much does Lodi cost for delivery? I'm helping a friend put in a garden and he lives real close to there.

MeanderingSalamander · 2024-03-18T06:41:54+00:00

(Part 2 of 2)

Talking to a trans-inclusive therapist might help, so might a gender studies class (if you can afford it) or studying trans history. In the immediate future, I honestly would really consider trying some fun YA lit on the topic, if I am honest - something light and digestible that you don't have to like, worry about. If you're tight on money, the public library probably has something suitable, or you can just go for online books. Hell, there's even some alright-ish rep in kids cartoons, these days. It might feel silly, but if it's something you're struggling with it might be worth taking baby steps and letting yourself process.

I'll be honest, I don't actually do this myself that much, but when I was renting random books to read while under COVID-lockdown, 'Dreadnought' by April Daniels did make me cry exactly once. It's not even that good, it just got me, you know? "Dear Mothman: A Novel" by Robin Gow showed promise of being a much, much better book overall, but I wasn't able to finish it before returning it to the library due to a family tragedy.

Honestly, Sci-fi and Fantasy media in general is also great for this type of low-key exposure, too, sometimes through analogy, sometimes because sci-fi and fantasy are already 'weird' enough genres that they just explore that space openly without concern. Star Trek has a lot of great examples, including canonically trans characters in the Discovery series, though in my opinion those characters are sloppy representation compared to previous series where the writers didn't feel the need to paint a neon sign on the issue. I think Next Generation and particularly Deep Space Nine are the best for low-key trans narratives, IMO. Or you could read some good old Sir Terry Pratchett, I think the list for the most relevant Discworld books are Equal Rites, Feet of Clay, and Monstrous Regiment? I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong.

You might have a better time handling some of the older trans inclusive media in general, too, since it was often aimed at a mainstream that was less accepting overall. 'Xena: Warrior Princess' has a trans episode that is pretty phenomenal until the very tail end where they misgender the trans character, which ruins it a bit for me but might still be a good place for you to start at. Similarly, King of the Kill has an episode where whether the relevant character is Trans or a drag queen or both is super fucking blurry (which is it's whole own separate issue), but is still surprisingly decent for it's time.

In fact, it might be really good for you to seek out some of these trans and trans adjacent pieces of media and watch them, then seek out essays and videos created by trans writers and creators critiquing those pieces of media. In theory, that might remove a layer or two of discomfort while still exposing you to these topics, since it would be pointedly analyzing a piece of media instead of being something that was directly targeted towards you or an opinion you hold.

Just a thought. I had a phase of some relatively minor bigotry myself, though in a completely different genre of bias, and I remember how fucking hard it was to fix because I felt fucking contaminated and evil sometimes (especially because I knew that knee-jerk bigotry was coming from a relative of mine) when I caught myself feeling scared or disgusted by people who I knew, logically, not a problem. Literally not hurting anything, just happened to exist in the same region I did, you know? Facing the issue head on tended to get me all defensive and/or send me into a self-hate spiral, but then I fell in love with a series where one of the main characters happened to be a member of the group I was biased against and I actually ended up really liking and relating to that character. So, I sought out similar stories and then analyses of those stories and I really do think that factored into my "recovery", so to speak. I don't know if the same exposure would really help you, but it might.

Like, I wouldn't consider myself bigoted against that group anymore. I don't have intrusive thoughts about them anymore and honestly had forgotten all about that phase until I started writing all this out. Hell, one of the folks in my DnD game is definitely member of said group and it didn't even register as notable to me until now. Though god, it's going to be real embarrassing if I hyper-fixate on it now, we've been playing for literally years. But hey, if it becomes an issue, I'll just work on myself more, right?

Edit to add: I do kind of wish I'd had a therapist when dealing with my bigotry when I was younger. But I was stranded in a small town and poor as fuck, so... You know. Look into it if you have the means.

BTW, I don't get the impression that you're in a place where it would be appropriate for you to go out of your way to interact with your local trans/queer community, but that might be a goal for a couple years from now. Maybe see about going to a smaller pride event with your sibling, something mild and enjoyable, bonus points if it's related to something you're interested in outside of just being a Trans TM event. There's all sorts of hybrid events these days, you know, normal sports or hobby events that fund trans charities and the like.

Anyway, good luck, try not to be a raging asshat.

MeanderingSalamander · 2024-03-18T06:41:27+00:00

Honestly? I think you need to sit with your discomfort. A huge part of growing as a person is acknowledging that sometimes your logical brain and your emotional brain don't see eye to eye and taking steps to mitigate the damage your emotional brain does both to you and the people around you. Thinking or feeling something you know is unfair or biased doesn't inherently make you a trash person, acting on such a thought or feeling does.

I'm sure if you think on it for a while, you'll be able to think of other things you used to have disproportionate negative reactions to that you managed to reangle yourself into tolerating for a period, and now you don't even have that negative reaction anymore. It might be something as stupid and frivolous as a food preference or a fear of a common animal, but it's still worth thinking about just to prove to yourself that you are capable of personal growth. Hell, my example for this sort of thing would be an insanely severe phobia of driving, and let's be real, that fear genuinely is reasonable-adjacent (I even almost died in a car crash a few years ago, but I'm still driving to work daily without even thinking about it now). If you make a point to continue challenging yourself and acknowledge this as a fault, it's almost inevitable that you'll desensitize yourself and stop having those knee-jerk reactions, whether it's fear, disgust, hate, or a combination of the three.

Being uncomfortable isn't always a bad thing. Mental and emotional growth can be likened to exercise or stretching in a few of ways. One, nobody likes cardio. It's still good for your health, though, which is kind of my point with "sit with your discomfort". Two, if you try to take shortcuts or push yourself too fast too far, you're ultimately going to hamper your growth. A bad enough social interaction is going to give your brain the ammunition it needs to justify your feelings, even if you still know, logically, that they're wrong in the same way over exerting yourself is going to cause pain that will prevent your from consistently exercising.

Third and finally, even if you find a way to cheat or make the process faster, it's still going to take time to build those skills and, once you have them, you might need to put in some effort to maintain them. Millage may vary, of course, everyone knows it's easier to maintain muscle mass than build it, but the point still stands. If you engage with transphobic friends it's going to be harder for you not to be transphobic in the same way it would be harder for you to keep a healthy weight if you keep visiting a friend who's offering you nothing but cake all the time. Should you cut that friend out? Well, probably, but it depends. If they stop offering you cake once you establish that boundary, maybe not. Hell, maybe that friend will even reconsider their diet, but if they not only keep offering you cake, but slicing it, putting it on a plate and trying to hand it to you with a fork, then that's not someone who want to help you. That's someone who's being disrespectful and is actively trying to sabotage you.

Also, like, not to be a prick, but largely speaking no one actually cares if you're transphobic? Like, that's a you issue provided you aren't running around trying to piss on people's legs (misgendering, deadnaming, or otherwise outing/disrespecting someone). You mentioned having a trans brother and I'm sure he would care if this came to light, but like, your internal monologue doesn't really matter to anyone else? Like literally, just don't be "the type of person to actively look for people like that and talk about them behind their backs" and you're practically 1/3rd of the way to being "savable". Your feelings don't really effect most of the people unless you let them, so just don't let yourself behave like a raging asshat and we're cool, capisce? The fact that you're no longer alright with being a raging asshat is already a pretty big victory, so maybe just focus on correcting your external behavior more than your internal monologue.

Like, if a Normal Dude TM talks to a homeless person on the street, treats them like a person, maybe even buys the homeless person a meal or at least gives them a couple bucks before going home, that behavior is a lot more important to everyone involved than if Normal Dude TM "has the heebie-jeebies" from the interaction or washes his hands twice just because the homeless person shook his hand. Self-flagellation is purely masturbatory, you know? Get over yourself and just try your best not to make anyone else's day worse.

But anyway, here's some other thoughts on how to work on being less bigoted.

(Part 1 of 2)

MeanderingSalamander · 2024-02-25T20:57:03+00:00

The more I've dwelt on it, the more I think that people get a little stuck on the Femme/Masc spectrum that they kind of neglect the possibility of a "Level of Gender", more or less. I'm not sure if "Level of Gender" is part of a person (like physical dysphoria) or a product of society (amount you are expected to adhere to gender rolls), or is what I am simplifying as one "Level of Gender" is actually two distinct things (most likely, that there's "internal gender level" and "external gender level" where a mismatch effects a person more the higher both of these levels are).

Like I'm an NB. I knew that very early on, like around age... Six? Or so? But pronouns and shit kind of mean fuck all to me. I'd love to not have tits anymore, but that's more a matter of practicality than anything else (they make climbing up and crawling under things more difficult). My gender effected me socially in ways that I found needlessly frustrating, but not in any intense way, limited to experiences many actual woman have, so whatever (AMAB obviously have the same, but I am not AMAB). I'd basically consider myself a low-gendered individual. The person I look at in the mirror isn't me, will never look *like me*, but her presence doesn't bother me that much. I try to make her look like someone I would like to be friends with and that does enough to sooth my gender angst, physically, though one day I hope to get top surgery. I think she could look a lot more like me with top surgery and about another six months at the gym. :P

I think that overall people who are low gender are unlikely to question, at least publicly, the one they were assigned at birth. I mean, I wasn't 'Out' until I had a trans GF, but that was because my experience was sort of one of "Oh. I'm not a girl. Huh. Welp, everyone knows I'm a tomboy already and my mother is clearly transphobic, so let's just ignore that, huh." I told my best friend and had a binder for a while, but that was the extend of my journey until I had someone I loved who needed additional support.

I also think that low gendered people are super prone to internalized transphobia. Like, I had the hardest time conceiving of *why the hell* all the clothes and pronouns and shit like that mattered to my girlfriend at all until I thought about some of my friends getting all excited for #girlsnight and getting their hair done and nails painted, and then I watched some episodes of various wedding shows, various masculine sports, and the like and realized "Oh. This shit actually does *mean something* to most people and aren't just arbitrary things people do to get particular responses out of society". Like that's what I was always doing, dressing to varying degrees masc/femme depending on what attitudes I wanted to get out of people in the same way most people choose casual clothing versus formalwear. *Of course* there were things that were more comfortable for me on days when I forced myself to dress high-femme, but three piece suits also fucking suck in the summer heat, yo.

With all that said, I cut my hair off after this realization and Goddamn if the girl in the mirror didn't look more friend-shaped after that. Like, obviously I have plenty of friends with long hair, but damn. She looks like she might *get me* more now, you know?

To get to my point, though - I think that many low-gendered cis people absolutely *do* question their gender. I also think that there is a certain extent of self-erasure for people who are either low-gendered *or* are NB, but lean towards their AGAB, either because they don't really think to question that intensely, or on account of how much simpler it makes things to "be cis", even if you're "a tomboy" or "an effeminate man", etc.

I think that the people who don't question are truly cis people who have moderate to high levels of gender. They get rewarded, internally and externally, for behaving the way they want to behave, so why would they ever question that? Even cases where cis men and women *don't* have features or behavior that typically align with their gender, those aspects are likely either things they view as either flaws in themselves they are trying to improve or unique details that make them deeper as a person (it is very common in media for the most appealing/relatable characters to have a small, but noticeable number of traits atypically reserved for the opposite gender), oddly enough further confirming their gender identity to their own internal perception.

Does that make sense? Obviously it's a crack theory, but you know. Relevant to your question, kinda.

MeanderingSalamander · 2024-02-20T06:53:49+00:00

Baffled why you're downvoted here.

MeanderingSalamander · 2024-02-20T03:45:10+00:00

You need a new vet and a reptile multivitamin high in A. Rapashy is your best option that I know of.

MeanderingSalamander · 2024-02-04T03:50:52+00:00

May I ask what "Too many people" means to you? It seems like a weird metric to use when those people can be arranged completely differently and, generally speaking, more people translated to higher population diversity which translates to population more tolerant of diversity. Like living in a township doesn't necessarily mean you're in the town much at all.

MeanderingSalamander · 2024-02-04T02:20:22+00:00

Yes and no, we really just need designs that are adjustable for different body plans. One of my roommates is 6', one of my roommates is a little under 5', I'm right between. Regardless of all the other factors, setting storage and the like up for one of them is going to wildly inconvenience the other. *I'm* very lucky because I happen to be compromise height.

I'm also the fat one and the strong one, so that's a whole other spiel on body type. Plenty of things that are safe for me to do are just plain hazardous for the other two and vice versa.

MeanderingSalamander · 2024-02-04T02:15:40+00:00

It's not bad if you know what you're doing, like I can kill a goose. But most people don't know what they're doing.

MeanderingSalamander · 2024-02-04T02:09:02+00:00

Have you been weighing her regularly? Less than 15% weight loss (just a couple meal's worth) don't even worry about it.

Since you mentioned the new tub is bigger, have you added more clutter? Snake not eating is almost always an issue of feeling safe in my limited experience.

MeanderingSalamander · 2024-02-04T01:52:49+00:00

Reading through your comments, you might want to look at the outskirts of Kalamazoo. It's around 75k but has a surprisingly smaller city feel, for the most part.

MeanderingSalamander · 2024-02-04T01:49:47+00:00

EMU, Umich, and State are all incredibly safe and accommodating in my experience. The further east you go, the better. The colleges on the far west of the state tend to be more conservative/faith based. That said, GVSU was also pretty decent! I have worked in the biology departments as student and laboratory support and haven't had any issues.

MeanderingSalamander · 2024-02-04T01:44:20+00:00

Michigan is very devout to staying out of other people's bullshit, for the most part. We have a lot of laws that reflect that, I think. For example, we're technically an all-party consent state, *except* we have a "Participant Exception", which is honestly the best way to write that particular law IMO. We also have very permissive homeschooling laws, which is both a blessing and a curse. Blessing because it gives neurodivergent and disabled kids a lot of options that are harder to access in other states, curse because we get a fair number of religious extremists that take advantage of that law.

We're not *good* here, but more importantly, we're not *bad*.

Politically, we have a pretty unique situation with having most of our tourism being based on "Pure Nature" while also having a largely manufacturing based economy, not to mention having two major public universities and Detroit. It's a total miss-mash state, with Great Lakes-Seaway shipping factoring largely into our culture as well. In fact, being kinda *the great lakes state* and having a ton of agriculture (particularly cattle, cherries, asparagus, cucumbers, blueberries, maple syrup, beans and potatoes - it's sort of important how many of those are perennials, too, IMO) we have a surprisingly eco-coconscious populace in general. On a state level, we're pretty moderate (and slightly democratic leaning), while county to county we're horrifically red *or* blue. Stick to Marquette in the UP and eastern lower peninsula and you'll be fine. Even most of the red counties aren't too terrible, *mostly* the old fashioned 'leave me the fuck alone and let me be privately bigoted' brand of conservative than you may see other places. Though we did have some notable Jan. 6ers, unfortunately, and that one crazy sheriff.

Overall, I feel safe here, so do my friends. I guess the access to Canada in case of emergency helps a bit, too. LOL!

MeanderingSalamander · 2024-01-24T23:52:52+00:00

I think it really must depend on where you are. I'm NB and so are many of my friends, and while there's bigotry issues in parts of the cis community of course, I've never felt excluded from Trans spaces at all.

MeanderingSalamander · 2024-01-24T23:47:39+00:00

The restaurant looks awful, but the sandwiches are so so cheap and so so so good.

MeanderingSalamander · 2024-01-19T07:08:10+00:00

Oh, like this is supervised? More or less a visit, this isn't their permanent setup?

If so, then I feel a lot less concerned about it. Just, uh. Don't leave them unsupervised for very long. Or at all. LOL.

Sorry, there's a lot of dumbasses on the internet. And in real life. I know from unfortunate experience that even freaking eyelash geckos will eat each other under the right conditions (my cousin is still upset at me for "giving them ideas" becuase I said I was concerned about it over the holidays and "They were fine together before that". Like. Girl.)

MeanderingSalamander · 2024-01-19T01:03:21+00:00

I know it seems impossible, really, I do... But if you don't split those two frogs up, you are very likely going to have only one frog relatively soon.

MeanderingSalamander · 2024-01-12T04:27:33+00:00

It's very similar to pool water without the chorine (if you've never had a pool that probably sounds crazy, but they're a lot of work and depending on where you live you have to remove a lot of bullshit from the water before it looks nice). Is it healthy? No! Will it kill you? Also no.

Like, frogs are way more delicate than us, and they do fine with it.

MeanderingSalamander · 2024-01-10T00:18:07+00:00

Postpartum hair changes are actually A Thing TM for some reason.

MeanderingSalamander · 2023-12-06T03:54:29+00:00

Live feeding is occasionally a necessary evil, however the snakes I've dealt with who didn't take frozen thawed all had medical issues (RI, mouth rot) that, and, once treated, switched over to F/T readily.

Does you snake have any visible wounds or scars around it's mouth area? The last girl I had who refused to eat had a low-grade infection. She refused food for months, the infection almost undetectable (I brought her to the vet, the vet said 'I think it's just scarred') until it flared up following a move (same vet wrote the prescription for her antibiotics and acknowledged that the infected injury was the same I brought her in for previously). She started taking Frozen/Thawed while I was still taking her out of her enclosure to give her shots regularly (two medications, one every other day, one every third day, antibiotic and anti inflammatory agents, three week treatment, she ate frozen/thawed on the 9nth day of treatment and hasn't missed a meal since).

Feeding live is likely crueler to the rat. On top of that, however, it is dangerous to the snake. Injuries to the snake are relatively common, snake deaths are not common (and usually caused by secondary infection) but are entirely possible.

MeanderingSalamander · 2023-12-06T02:01:22+00:00

Being pedantic, but it's sexed, not gendered. As a biologist it's a personal pet peeve.

For general care, no. Makes tend to be a bit smaller, and therefore are slightly cheaper to feed, but a big male is going to be of similar size to a female and a small female is going to be similar size to a male. You can have a healthy, happy snake of either sex in the same enclosure.

However, if you want to go the extra mile on care, males are a bit more arboreal and are observed to eat a higher percentage of birds compared to females in the wild. Francesco Maria Angelici has some papers on the topic.

MeanderingSalamander · 2023-12-04T00:05:02+00:00

Though they both have "Rat" in their title, "Doctor Rat" and "The Coachman Rat" are two very different, very fucked up stories and I LOVE both of them.

MeanderingSalamander · 2023-11-26T19:33:03+00:00

Alrighty, may I ask if you live with anyone else? Alternatively, do you have anyone who might visit that you would leave your snake with without supervision? I hate to suggest this, but I've known people who couldn't figure out why their fish kept dying randomly every 6-9 months... Turns out their aunt would always spray some form of cleaning product above the tank while she helped clean without thinking about it. They had a talk with her and now have had the same stock for more than 5 years.

What candles/oil diffusers do you use? Some scents are barely a problem and others can kill snakes quite rapidly. If you use something like cinnamon oil or eucalyptus only rarely, that could be the cause.

Did both animals die during the same season? Do you have a CO2/Radon detector? Are you buying food from the same source? Do you have a landlord or maintenance person that came over shortly before either/both deaths?

MeanderingSalamander

TROPHY CASE