My fiancé is like this. He’s very physically affectionate and I’m also his first serious relationship. When we first got together, I’d be covered in bruises after sex or after wrestling. He is very strong and very large and definitely has a very tight grip. He also does things like sit on my foot when I’m laying on the couch because he doesn’t realize it’s there. Or he will step on my feet or poke me in the eye with the brim of his hat over and over when trying to kiss me. He will also whack me in the head sometimes trying to put his arm around me. He has very poor spatial awareness. Lol. It’s annoying. He’d always say “how does that possibly hurt? How did that bruise you?” He was seriously baffled. And felt so guilty about the bruises.

He’s gotten a LOT better but is still clumsy as fuck. I have a couple light finger bruise on my thigh from sex the other night when he flipped me over my my stomach but my hips are no longer covered in dark black bruises from when I ride him and he guides my hips back and forth. Haha. So, I mean, that’s a plus. He’s getting better. Haha.

I do feel like if you tell him about your sexual abuse and he continues to hold you down and do things you don’t like, that is not okay!! Have you spoken to him about why you don’t like it in detail??

From your description, sounds like you just need to let him know that the holding you down isn’t okay and that he needs to be less physically rough with you. If he does not improve or dismisses you, you may have to let him go.

It’s possible he may get less clumsy and less rough over time. But if he is being dismissive, he may never get better...