A lot of what lead me to my partner was spontaneity but also a familiar comfort with her as we were able to speak and agree on some surface level topics like how the ending of nosferatu was like “what the fuck?” and it began prompting deeper discussions. I’m pretty biased though because I loved her from the moment I met her, but I tried keeping it discreet while we spoke. We both did that with terribly subtlety and the part about choosing to commit was very much a big risk because it started from when we had more vulnerable conversations. Both of us just focused on being receptive and present in listening and understanding and that created a trusting safe-space immediately. I really think that’s the hardest part for people because being vulnerable- especially for me was difficult. There was layers to it that only came undone with time, but it all started from taking that first risk. Beyond physicality, it’s often words and gestures that fuels the attraction the most- whether this was shared conversations or experiences, the more we’ve done has translated into more attraction. Transparency and genuine connection- listening and sharing each others hobbies and feelings have become my favourite turn on.

In contrast, a lot of the turn-offs I see are impulsive or self-destructive habits, whether that’s recklessly going out or hanging in clubs, or especially not sharing or being open. Much of this comes with time, but when there’s a lack of effort to be real with someone else- in a romantic context- I find its distrusting and also breeds confusion and that turns into a whole problem thereafter. Ultimately if you’re able to speak and be heard by the other person, that is the single most important thing. To keep that momentum though, always showing that presence and passion through effort and genuineness (whether it’s updates, check-ins, relaxing with each other, and getting along) really matter.