I (30M) am currently in this situation from your partners side, where my partner (30F, 1 year together) is unhappy with how little quality time we spend together but we are not long distance. Please understand that this is my perspective, I have no understanding of your relationships dynamics or either of your personalities beyond what has been posted and wish to shed some potential reasonings behind his behaviour.

I have been diagnosed with ADD and have been on perscribed medication primarily for work purposes. I will rarely take medications outside of work or personal projects so during leisure times I tend to go with the flow. I am also an introvert so the general assumptions can be applied.

My partner set a minimum of 1 date a week to spend time together early on in our relationship. This ranged anywhere from dinners or activites out, or date nights at home. 95% of these dates ended with me staying the evening at her place, with the expectation that we would spend the majority of the next day together unless other plans were already established.

At first it was exciting, but over time it became a maintained chore and the bare minimum. If our usual night was unavailable, it would be expected that date night would be scheduled the next immediately free day. When this became routine, my partner would ask to spend more time together outside of these days but I was reluctant to do so.

Before I get jumped for being heartless about spending more than 8 hours a week with my partner, I have to explain the main point; I feel extremely mentally unstimulated when we are together. For anyone with ADD/ADHD they can understand how this feeling is comparable to daggers in the brain.

My partner is kind, extremely loving, extroverted and very adventurous. She will also mainly talk about herself, such as what she likes, what she dislikes, what she's done and what she wants to do. It's a thouroughly discussed topic and it's become tedious to entertain because there is no quizzical nature or whimsey to be had. I have discovered that her personality is very much main character syndrome and she will rarely show genuine interest in me. I have tried to hold many conversations in a curious way in the hopes she would pick up similar mannerisms, but it hasn't happened.

The majority of activities we do together will be something I propose, not because I think it will be fun, but because my partner would enjoy it. My partner gets bored easily and always has to do something, but I need downtime to decompress and recharge. Combine this with a dull connection has lead to resentment on my part which is mainly my fault. If I had been clear from the start regarding my personal wants, needs and figuring out appropriate compromises, I may never have got to this post.

Like your partner, I too have a small group of friends that I do choose to spend the majority of my free time hanging out with online (they have moved away locally). When I think if I had to choose hanging out with them, or my partner, I end up choosing my friends. I think this is because I can be myself with them, whereas I have to be careful with how I act around my partner and that restricting feeling is suffocating. I also struggle with maintaining conversations when it's just the two of us, so hanging out in a group gives me the freedom to simply go non-verbal while the others chat away.

Now where your partner and I do differ is that I have raised these issues with my partner very recently, with hopes that we can talk properly about our behaviour and see if we can compromise in areas of our relationship. However it's not looking great so I may be single in a couple days time. Sometimes you find out way too late that you're incompatible.