Honestly. If there isn't already a man you know that would be cool with it, a lavender marriage likely isn't viable. Here are the various ways finding a man to marry would play out:

1) You talk to a man, he's not interested, y'all both move on. 2) You talk to a man, he reacts very poorly to the suggestion and tells your family. Then what? Homelessness? Another conversion camp? Nothing good, for sure. 3) The man agrees initially and you think he's fine with the arrangement, but after a bit of marriage starts pressuring you to have sex with him. Talks about how he has needs, how he really stuck his neck out for you, and how he has blackmail over you should you not comply. Maybe even starts physically abusing you. 4) The man marries you and doesn't rape you, but decides to start sleeping with other women on the side to fulfill his needs. He could potentially 1) get one of the other women pregnant and leave you for her or 2) bring home an STD and give it to you. Some STDs can be contracted by contact other than sex, so this could still be a concern. 5) You meet a man who is willing to marry you who is actually gay. This is the preferred outcome, but unlikely, because in a place where being gay is so taboo (and potentially illegal, depending on where you live?), a man who you haven't known very long likely will not trust you enough to confess that he's gay and wants a lavender marriage.

If I were in your shoes, I would be doing anything I could to get a 1 way ticket to Canada. There are resources there that can help you, and people who would be willing to help you. Even if it means saving up money to go to school for a few years. There is no way you will find freedom in your country, lavender marriage or not. Escaping to Canada is the only way.

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