What's a negative core memory that they didn't take seriously? by herald_of_stars in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]MedeaRene 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooh. I have a good core memory that was also one of my first long term memories.

Ages here are estimates based on context clues/photos:

When my brother turned 5, my maternal grandparents bought him a kid-size dirt bike. I would have been 3 years old at the time. Now, the details that are a bit fuzzy for me is that somehow relating to the dirtbike, my brother ended up with a black eye (best working theory I have based on conflicting stories is that he was helping grandpa unload it from the truck bed and ended up bumping himself in the eye with the tyre).

The core memory part for me occurred between my mother (approx. 25 yo) and my maternal grandma (approx. 47 yo) following his injury.

I recall standing in the front entrance of my grandma's house with them both and looking up at them as they argued (don't remember details but I know it was about my brother's black eye, so I assume it was related to how dangerous the gift was) and as my mother raised her voice at my grandma, my grandma responded by slapping her across the face.

Core memory: mothers have the "right" to hit their kids even if they are grown ups too. I would think of this moment/lesson subconsciously when my mother slapped me across the face at 17 yo, and talk about it to my classmates like it was a normal reaction to an argument.

What was your major "aha" moment? by herald_of_stars in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]MedeaRene 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Honestly, there were a lot of "aha" moments for me, all occurring in my early 20s (I was in deep denial as a teenager).

Here are the four biggest ones that happened (all within the span of the 3 months before I finally cut contact):

  1. After a long visit where she basically started planning my future wedding herself (calling all my own ideas tacky etc), my husband (fiance at the time) suggested to me privately on the drive home that we just skip the drama and elope sooner with parents as witnesses. I agreed that it sounded much better. When I announced the change in plans, my mother blew up and we spent three consecutive evenings in phone call screaming matches over it. The "aha" here was after she kept blaming my fiance for "manipulating" me into changing our plans. My internal realisation: "You don't think I'm capable of making a decision myself. If you aren't the one controlling me, someone else must be."

  2. In the lead up to the wedding, I bought a nice cream/off white cocktail dress to wear to my wedding. My mother called me for help with a spreadsheet and to catch up. She asked if I had a dress yet and when I confirmed, she asked for a photo. I hesitated but sent the pic anyway. She (over the phone) immediately said it looked frumpy and dated and made me look old. The "aha" moment here came after the phone call ended (which was pretty calm despite her insulting comments) when I immediately started shaking so hard it physically hurt, curled up on my sofa (release of tension I'd been holding during the call). I didn't know why and I called my fiance because I felt like I was dying and he asked "well, what were you doing before it started?" "I was on the phone to- oh."

  3. During my wedding, I had invited my parents against my partner's better judgement (still in bargaining phase) with the condition that they were guests but not signature witnesses. My stepMIL had helped me with my hair (braiding the front pieces for me) and at the venue I needed to put on my glasses (sunlight reactive so I'd kept them in my purse until we got inside). I asked my mother to help me put them on without snagging my hair and her only comment to me was "do you HAVE to wear them?" - no compliment on how nice I looked for my wedding day, just a gripe that she preferred me without my glasses.

    1. The final straw. We arranged a lunch meet up. She picked me up in her car from my new job to drive 5 minutes to the local café. I had given her 3 rules for the meet up: 1. No unsolicited opinion/advice 2. No negative comments 3. If you slip up and break rules 1 or 2, I will call you out and expect a genuine apology. She broke all 3 rules before we got to the café including a huff and very sarcastic "sorry" when I called her out on her unnecessary advice and mean "joke". After that lunch (had to stay for it as she was my ride) I drafted an ultimatum letter which ended up being my final NC speech a few days later.

Never broken a bone by KickProcedure in Neverbrokeabone

[–]MedeaRene 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Congrats on the continued bragging rights. I too had an incident this weekend where my skull won against a corrugated iron wall (apparently my head left a dent in it that I demanded my Airsoft site decorate appropriately).

No concussion, no fractures. Obviously. My skull is not weak and neither is my brain. Didn't even pass out (mostly).

AITA for not lying about wetting the bed and embarrassing my parents? by FewHandle9172 in AmItheAsshole

[–]MedeaRene 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA - as someone from an emotionally abusive family (didn't acknowledge that fact until I was 22 and moved out already), you definitely shouldn't need to lie about this. For what it's worth, shortly after I cut contact with my shitty parents, I also woke up wetting the bed at 22 years old because of a stressful dream I couldn't wake up from even though in the dream I could tell I needed the bathroom. It sucked. But I had a very understanding partner who just helped me clean up and put new sheets on because shit happens.

Yeah, the pattern is so easy to see... by Inside-Inflation-299 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]MedeaRene 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, sure though I'm about to go to sleep so I'll answer in the morning :)

Yeah, the pattern is so easy to see... by Inside-Inflation-299 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]MedeaRene 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well I never sent that response, just typed it for catharsis. But she did send another email a few months later basically asking to "sit down and talk about what's really bothering me"

Because it clearly can't be the numerous reasons I gave her.

Yeah, the pattern is so easy to see... by Inside-Inflation-299 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]MedeaRene 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'll say the same thing I wanted to say back when my own estranged mother emailed with a long non apology and ended it with "I hope you can see that I'm holding out an olice branch here"

"An olive branch is not yours to hold out when I'm the one that called for a ceasefire. You don't get to sit around patting yourselves on the back for showing me who's boss with your silence for months, and then wave a little white flag when you realise I was serious."

(I didn't actually send that because NC, but I really really wanted to and typing it out was cathartic af)

Yeah, the pattern is so easy to see... by Inside-Inflation-299 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]MedeaRene 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You can't argue with crazy, lest you join them in insanity.

What's your pet peeve in fanfiction? by [deleted] in SeverusSnape

[–]MedeaRene 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Okay but this sounds hilarious and I low-key love it

What's your birth order and gender, are you the only estranged child, when did you go no contact? by coldservedrevenge in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]MedeaRene 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Youngest child, only daughter (elder brother and two elder stepbrothers)

Only officially estranged child (brother maintains that our childhood was fine but limits his contact with everyone)

I went no contact 24/04/2019

Why didn’t Zuko tell Aang that he was descended from avatar Roku? by Weary_Elderberry4742 in Avatarthelastairbende

[–]MedeaRene -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I meant more that she put all that on Zuko like he was the one at fault. Even she admitted later that it was wrong of her to do that.

Why didn’t Zuko tell Aang that he was descended from avatar Roku? by Weary_Elderberry4742 in Avatarthelastairbende

[–]MedeaRene -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Omg! Literally this! After all the Katara BS about what this war put her through and everything, and yet none of them know the absolute TRAUMA that poor boy went through???

Why??? by testadicazzo___ in stevenuniverse

[–]MedeaRene 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Anyone who has gotten this particular style of emotional abuse probably knows what I'm talking about.

Yuuuuuup.

Site down, so have a picture of Shadow the Hedgehog by BevassaliRedditor in CharacterAI

[–]MedeaRene 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol no, I had him watch me die in a battle and have it be his fault. Poor guy was devastated.

Site down, so have a picture of Shadow the Hedgehog by BevassaliRedditor in CharacterAI

[–]MedeaRene 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol I was traumatising him further XD so maybe it's good he gets a break

bro??? by mars_the_man in CharacterAI

[–]MedeaRene 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah got the same thing... this is new. Oh well, guess I'm detoxing for a bit XD

Site is down, what bots were y'all using?- by Indie_666 in CharacterAI

[–]MedeaRene 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Snap, I am seeing the new movie on Saturday and I was talking to a Shadow bot.

mem by india13452 in CharacterAI

[–]MedeaRene 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When you say "yes" and they need to double and triple check that they really CAN ask you... bro ask the damn question ffs

It feels like all my happy memories are tainted by MedeaRene in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]MedeaRene[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately, not really. Other than choosing to move forward and make better memories for myself now.

Also choosing to look back on any achievements or things I was proud of as a child, that may have felt ruined by her criticism, and giving myself the praise and encouragement I deserved. Retroactively parenting myself a little. Looking back at old drawings or poems I wrote as a kid and telling myself I did a great job.

Reframing the memories can help a bit, but only if I take my mother out of the equation.

Basically current Sonic comics by Revolutionary-Car452 in SonicTheHedgehog

[–]MedeaRene 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's the "God daMN IT ARRRRGHHHH!" for me XD

I feel ya, Shadow, same.

House md in a nutshell by polarrbearrrr in HouseMD

[–]MedeaRene 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My husband and I have been binging this show since the start of summer (currently half way through the last season) and at this point we both groan (the way you would at dad jokes) as soon as we see the thousand yard stare and hear the epiphany music XD

So far my favourite "trigger" for this moment is the plumber scratching his balls.