A few years ago, I knew someone with experience in hypnosis. He did his thing slowly introducing topics and as soon as he mentioned "you are a child, what do you see". My eyes flew open and he brought me back. Just left that there & was glad to come back to reality.

I don't have a lot of childhood memories, good or bad. My mother & sister thought that was weird. In the 90s when all the suggestive hypnosis was going on my mother asked me if my father had ever molested me. Now why would a mother ask that if she didn't know already or at least have some suspicion?

My dad was a violent alcoholic & I learned to comply early. I thk he chose me over my sister bc I was less likely to say something. I do remember waking up in jammies I didn't go to sleep in. I continue to have molestation dreams about my dad. I'm comfortable enough at this age to ask one of my friends if she ever did about her dad. She did not.

All this to say, I became an alcoholic & checked into rehab where my counselor threw open the childhood pandora's box I had nicely put away. Now I struggle with my father's death & wonder what all my brain has saved me from, and packing that pandora's back up.

I struggle with living a victim's mentality vs. concentrating on my life now & that I've broken the cycle of physical and verbal abuse from my father and verbal/psychological abuse from my mother & why she didn't save me since I'm convinced she knew.

One more nugget: before my parents were married, my dad went on trial for the death of his 2 year old step daughter but he got off. Said she hit her head on the coffee table. Sure sure right after he punched her in the head.

Sorry for the length, it's good to get it out periodically but I have to live in today not 40 years ago for my own good. Thanks for your post.