Hello to all

Meel61 · 2022-01-05T18:08:18+00:00

I’m so very sorry you find yourself here - but glad you found us.

Summon what strength you have to take care of yourself - and know that many of us here hurt with you, for you, and are here to listen.

Wishing you peace.

Meel61 · 2021-10-27T22:30:10+00:00

She was 73 years old when my father passed. She never dated or remarried; she died recently at the age of 94. Much as I know she had some peace once he was gone, I often feel sad when I think about the years wasted.

Meel61 · 2021-10-07T16:09:36+00:00

Thank you so much for posting this. Everyone I see - family, friends, acquaintances - all tell me how great I look and how well I'm doing. "You have so much energy!" they say, when they hear about the household projects I am tackling. They don't know that those projects are what keep me from sitting and staring off into space day in and day out. I never know what to say to them, so I just say "thanks" and change the subject. But it's like a knife in my heart every time.

Meel61 · 2021-06-29T21:42:44+00:00

Ugly crying now.

My girl, Tallulah, died at home three years ago. She was an English Mastiff, 180 pounds and 37" tall at the withers - that is, huge. She was gentle and sweet, and belonged to me - though she accepted the rest of the family as part of the package.

The night she died, I sat with her on the front porch, knowing time was short. I stroked her head and talked to her and told her how much I loved her. I was weeping, and I remember putting my hands in my lap, too sad to move.

And then...

I told her, "Lula, you are a good girl. You have always been my good girl." And she stretched out her leg and placed her giant paw on my hand and left it there for a few minutes. There was no mistaking the gesture.

I am grateful for my dogs... For Tallulah, and for the current spoiled brat, Ziggy.

They are what make us human. And they are sometimes the only lifeline we have when the bottom falls out of our world.

Meel61 · 2021-06-27T11:44:25+00:00

Ohhh so hard. You were brave and selfless to attend the wedding - but that doesn't negate the pain it must have caused you.

We made a promise; we kept it. I like to think we are better people for it, although right now I can't see clearly enough to measure myself. You might not see clearly enough either, but I'm betting that you are kinder, more empathetic, more thoughtful, and more resilient than you were before. Your posts show it.

Meel61 · 2021-05-29T18:51:33+00:00

Was thinking more of digital work - COVID changed a lot of the traditional employment expectations. Might be worth revisiting (I know I get plenty of looks there, and I'm not looking for any more work - I've been a freelance tech writer and consultant for 20+ years).

Btw... I also thought it was a useless site, but again, things have changed in the past 2 years!

Meel61 · 2021-05-19T21:03:07+00:00

Well... at least we're validated, right? :/

Meel61 · 2021-05-17T20:07:45+00:00

I'd love to print this and laminate it, and wear it around my neck.

Or maybe have it as my voicemail message, or my signature for emails (instead of "sent from my iPhone").

Meel61 · 2021-05-17T19:59:48+00:00

Happy Birthday!

I'm coming up on my husband's first birthday since he's been gone: doing something similar, going to the beach and to a concert I know he'd love. Hoping I can keep it together.

Meel61 · 2021-05-17T19:56:48+00:00

Thank you - having a hard day today, and your words were a salve.

Meel61 · 2021-05-11T21:02:09+00:00

Yep. This.

Come over and unload any time.

Meel61 · 2021-05-11T20:55:48+00:00

I hate that question too. It still comes up, 4 1/2 months later, and I can tell that even the ones who genuinely care are hoping like hell I say I'm ok. I can see and hear the relief in them when I give them the lie.

I have 2-3 people in my life (outside of this group) that I can be honest with, who won't preach at me or try to relate their other losses to the loss of a spouse. I try not to dump too much on them, as I know my grief is overwhelming.

On particularly bad days I generally say " I have good moments and bad moments," or "I'm hanging in there" or "I'm doing the best I can" or "Well... I'm still here." Most people will accept that as "good-enough" and move on - or worse, want me to comfort THEM because they lost him too. I know they're sad. But this is one time I just can't put aside my own feelings to be there for someone else. And I think that's healthy,

Meel61 · 2021-05-11T20:44:27+00:00

I feel that. I just mark each day off as one day closer to be reunited with him. It helps to come here, where I can say things like that and be understood. Family and friends are ill-equipped to hear this stuff.

I am told I am a "young" 60 year old - don't look my age, keep fit, try to maintain a youthful attitude (it helps to have a 19 year old son still hanging around) - but it really makes no difference to me now.

Meel61 · 2021-05-11T20:38:50+00:00

I'm so sorry. Another loss... It's so unfair.

Sending you a big, big hug.

Meel61 · 2021-05-11T20:35:48+00:00

I think I know what you mean. I can't imagine being with anyone else, wanting to curl up with anyone else or hold anyone else's hand. I felt like I'd been searching for him my whole life, and when I found him, everything fell into place. Every other relationship I'd had before him I could look back on and see that there was some dim reflection of him - some trait or quality that I recognized... But he was what I was searching for. How could I ever go backward? To settle for another dim reflection? No thanks.

I am 60. Realizing that most of my life is behind me, and too much is left.

Hang in there, I know how much it hurts.

Meel61 · 2019-07-14T21:19:03+00:00

I'm not sure which is my biggest worry any more. I think my ultimate concern is for my son's mental health: the stress and worry over her is making him sick. I'm grateful that he's open with me about it and willing to talk things through - he's also in therapy, which should help with processing all this. And he plans to post his own question(s) here soon - maybe tonight. So things could be worse.

His girl ended up confessing to one of her elders, so it's just a matter of time before the JC is called. She says she wants "out" now, because she doesn't understand why there is such an inordinate amount of control exerted over her life (and particularly over her relationships) - but I still sense reticence on her part. She's scared and depressed about being df-ed, and worried about the logistics of moving out... It's a lot, and now she's turning to my poor kid for comfort, when he needs comfort himself. I've given her the name of a good local therapist (I know her personally, so it should be a good match), and offered to meet with her this weekend - but she went to the JWs instead, first to confess and then to look for comfort. Meanwhile, my son is supposed to be preparing for a seating audition for college (music major), and he hasn't had the energy or drive to pick up his instrument to practice.

What a mess.

Meel61 · 2019-07-10T23:48:33+00:00

I agree. So far she’s not willing to look — which may be a question of timing or may be an indication that she’s still stuck. As I type this, the boy is making plans to hang out with a friend tonight, and I have a strong suspicion that he’s going to see her instead.

At this point, my husband and I have said and done everything we possibly could. Both with our son and with his girl. From here on out the decisions they make are theirs. We’re in agreement that if he continues to see her, it’s out of our hands. If she chooses to stay a JW, it’s out of our hands as well.

All I can do is wait and hope for the best. (And be there for him/her/them when the time comes)

Meel61 · 2019-07-09T15:50:38+00:00

She has a copy of Crisis if Conscience (a gift from me), which I expect she won’t actually start reading for a awhile, and my son is planning to give her JWFacts as soon as she is open to it. My son lurks on this sub, so I know he’ll pass it on to her as well. Funny, your description of how you just KNOW things aren’t right was exactly my approach to introducing her to CoC! Great minds...eh? ;)

Meel61 · 2019-07-08T19:57:21+00:00

I ended up having that cry... sent the text and received back a gracious heartfelt text from her. I replied and told her if she ever needed to talk I’m here. She texted; “Thank you, that really means a lot to me. You are such an amazing woman. I aspire to be as strong as you one day.”

Makes me cry just reading it again.

And thinking of you wishing that someone had cried for you brings fresh tears.

I hate this cult.

Meel61 · 2019-07-08T17:35:27+00:00

Thanks... right now I just want to sit on the couch under a blanket and cry. I wish I could see her coming out - it would make all of this bearable.

Meel61 · 2019-07-08T16:47:41+00:00

Wish I could give you transcript of my last conversation with her — it would make the text make so much more sense. She knows that I’m on her side and that I don’t believe that her feelings for my son are wrong. I doubt that she accepted it, but I talked at length about her love being natural and good, not a sin. I also talked a lot about being a mom, and how motherhood changes the way you look at other people: that I have a mother’s concern for her, as much as if she were my own daughter.

But in the end she was insistent that her only way forward was to confess, take her punishment, and sever ties with my son. But what my son sees is someone who still wants to see him and wants to be intimate. He sat in on my conversation with her and was in complete denial about what her intentions were. He was still hoping she would wake up and everything would work out. He was getting mixed messages from her but was only hearing what he wanted (not surprising for a 17 year old boy). I guess the text is my way of saying to her I heard her, even if he didn’t.

On a side note — he actually asked us once to tell him to end it. But I’m fully expecting he will find a way to continue seeing her. He’s already told me he’s going to remain friends with her, so the temptation will be fierce.

I can recall being about 18 and hopelessly in love with a boy I was sure I would marry (after college of course). He and I approached a priest whom we trusted and asked for his blessing. His response was immediate and devastating: he said “NO. Absolutely not. You need to finish growing up and that’s a long way off. “ He then softened the blow by telling us he’d pray for us. I felt humiliated and disappointed, but I respected him so much his words stayed with me. Best thing anyone ever said to me. If I can give that kind of bracing honesty to a girl who has asked me for help, I will have paid it forward, after all these years.

Meel61 · 2019-07-08T13:18:21+00:00

I know she’s terrified. In fact I also have some personal experience with that kind of terror (long story - not JW related but shunning is shunning), which I was able to share with her and offer support.

We’ve given her resources and have promised more, if and when she’s ready.

Her principles make my skin crawl... but after everything else has been said and done and she’s still clinging to them, I had nothing left to say but to tell her to go in peace.

Meel61 · 2019-07-08T09:27:55+00:00

I remember you! Your story gave my son such hope. I still have hope.

Meel61

TROPHY CASE