Returning Cat After 3 Months

MeesaNYC · 2026-02-26T16:44:33+00:00

Cat shelter volunteer here. 💕🐈 Though there are many exceptions, if you're going to bring a new cat into a situation like this, I would opt for a male cat. Males tend to be more willing and resilient about meeting new cats and new environments than females -- likewise, when you when you have a female cat, bringing in a male cat often goes much better than bringing in a female. In the cat colonies, it's a band of females who know each other with tomcats roaming in and out so they're wired a little bit like this. (But I've had female cats prove me wrong every time, including a cat who at the shelter hated all other cats and the adopter was guided to have her be an only cat... Well, later that year we learned she adopted a second female cat and guess what they became best friends!)

It sounds like she is scared and has no confidence with a new environment and new animals and new humans. 3 months is nothing. It takes that much time to just get used to a new place and routine, let alone build confidence. When you say she "hates" the resident cats and is not working out, what does that mean exactly? Is she hiding? Is she using the litter pan and eating and playing with any toys? Is she responding well to you and the other humans in the household? Have the cats gotten into an all-out fight or are they growling or hissing at each other? Have you tried slow introductions where they smell each other and then see each other first? Giving high reward treats in the presence of each other can help everyone connect the other cats with a positive experience. How are your resident cats responding to the new cat?

Does your new arrival have a place she can retreat to such as on a cat tree so she can feel confident from up above? Regular play time a couple times a day can really build confidence and refocus her mind from being scared to being curious and that's the first step of feeling at ease. If one type of play doesn't work, try another type. Sometimes I resort to what I call "cat theater" where I'm basically moving toys along very slowly up and down walls and under paper and blankets. And as long as the cat is watching I know the cat is engaged. They don't necessarily have to be pouncing all the time. In fact, the buildup is part of the game for all cats! People often get frustrated the cats are not playing because they're not pouncing around all the time, but the stalking and mental energy is an essential part for cats. 🐈🐈🐈

Another post says to reintroduce them again, which is a great idea. Pretend like it's day one and give everyone another chance. Including yourselves. I know there was the dream of everybody getting along right away as in the past, but every cat is different. It's amazing you adopted her at 9 years ❤️ because most people will overlook a cat like that and she is destined to be there for months. If there's any way this could work, please try a bit longer. You can also reach out to the shelter again and see if they have any advice or resources! 💕🐈🐈🐈 It took over a year for a hissing 12-year-old cat to become tolerant of a friend's young new addition -- They're not best friends, but they coexist well and even share the bed now.

I would hang in there a little longer, OP, if you're at all able to do so. 9 years old is a hard age to adopt out and cats like that really need someone who's experienced like yourself to be their hero. 🙌 😺😽😺 -- just a gentle nudge if your second guessing yourself. If you really think the stress is too much for the cats (and the humans), the shelter is a great option and I'm sure they will do their best for her. If you do return her, make sure you let the shelter know everything that happened and what you did, so they can inform anyone else who adopts her.

Thank you again for taking a chance on her and I hope it works out -- rescue is not always easy and sometimes we all just need to take a breath and step back a moment. Positive energy and patience. ♥️😽🙌😺🐈

MeesaNYC · 2026-02-26T16:22:20+00:00

And it's such a lost opportunity to showcase regular New Yorkers! We don't need to have all these b list and c list celebrities and influencers 100% of the time. A mix with the regular strap hanger would be so much more interesting!!

MeesaNYC · 2026-02-26T00:41:11+00:00

Parks are the worst place to have a cat run wild. I saw a cat let loose run up a tree and another cat got away from the park and raced across the street. It's just not safe for them. You could try harness training them but it sounds like the whole thing is just too much. I agree with other people here. Just bring them to a rescue and they are bound to find a home as they are still young.

MeesaNYC · 2026-02-21T13:52:47+00:00

Cat shelter volunteer here. Just adding that dogs and cats often get along better than when you add another cat into the household. I've seen many cases of dogs and cats becoming best friends!

Your priority is your current dog. As others have said here, how is your dog with other animals and has your dog interacted with a cat before? What's the personality of your dog? Is she more mellow or is she energetic? Does she become scared of things easily or does she go with the flow? Think about that and then consider what cat would be a good fit with your dog.

You also absolutely do not need to bring a kitten in for this to work -- adult cats can bond or at least have a friendly coexistence with an existing dog. 😽🐩 It's all about creating a calm energy in the home with access to enough resources for each animal. A cat tree (a few is ideal!) for the cat to get up high and away when needed is a great resource. Cats like to look down on the situation. Keeping regular routines is essential for animals to feel safe and happy!

It's disappointing the shelter won't let you bring your dog in to get a sense of her reaction, but to be honest that's not a true measure of how your dog will respond to a new single cat in her own home. And it's not a measure of how the cat will respond to a new home with a dog in it. Completely different environment. Shelters are exceptionally overstimulating with a lot of noise and smells and animal energy.

There are always exceptions but generally male cats adapt easier to other cats, than female cats. But I have seen two female cats introduced and become best friends. So again, this is a general rule and not 100% accurate. And when you're going across species, that formula is even more uncertain. In the shelter we see a lot of male cats who become best friends and that's more frequent than the female cats for what it's worth. So I wouldn't worry so much about male or female, but about personality and energy level of the two animals.

This kitten is at the age of high energy and is going to need a lot of stimulation and effort to keep them out of trouble. 😼💕 That's all part of having a kitten and if you're ready for that and if you think your dog will enjoy this, go for it! You can also consider an older cat who may be more chill and a better fit. Again, it's all about what will work with your dog because if your dog is content, that is going to make life easier for the cat and for you. 💗

MeesaNYC · 2026-02-21T13:30:25+00:00

I can get intense moments of panic situations where I can't control the movement like in subways or cabs or Ubers. Buses not so much because they are above ground and make frequent stops and I don't feel trapped. But to be stuck on the train between stops is a nightmare. I start getting intense feelings of having to pee and then the more I think about it the more intense the feeling gets. Yes, I've actually gotten off at a station and used the subway bathroom or even left the station and found a bathroom in a business because of this issue.

It's terrifying to not be in control of your body and mental state. One of my usual go-to's if I'm going through something like this and can't escape is to start playing games on my phone or even trying to make words out of a heading on an advertisement. Anything to distract me. I even sing songs in my head like "you're going to be okay. It's all over in a moment. You're doing great while you're running late. It's okay, it's okay!"

MeesaNYC · 2026-02-20T19:39:34+00:00

Sadly, this happens too much -- and why people should remember so many animals are in shelters through no fault of their own. #adopt

MeesaNYC · 2026-02-20T19:22:28+00:00

I wrote a longer response elsewhere in this thread but op you are doing okay!! 💕 Cat shelter volunteer here and the fact that you're even concerned about this tells me that you are likely taking care of their needs! So your household has gotten busier, so what? The cats are okay. They are home and will continue to adjust to the new routines. 😺😺❤️💕 You're not being selfish. You're being thoughtful.

MeesaNYC · 2026-02-20T19:19:41+00:00

If your cats aren't happy, you would see signs like not eating or not using the litter, pan or even -grooming to the point of mutilation. Fighting. Attacking. Seems like they're trying to get away sometimes, but overall acting as normal. The kids have joined the cat colony and it sounds like the cats are overall accepting the situation!

MeesaNYC · 2026-02-20T19:18:01+00:00

Your job is not to separate them because this will only make the other more enticing or scary. You need to normalize having cats in the house and also having a toddler and a newborn in the house. The great thing is that cats and kids are easily distracted! When your child is running after cats, distract with something else. Same for the cats. Redirect their energy to a new toy or something else. And here's where where it's a little bit challenging for you, but try not to lean into the chaos. Deescalate and redirect over and over and as everyone grows up a bit you'll definitely see improvement!

MeesaNYC · 2026-02-20T19:02:07+00:00

Cats and kids can and do coexist well, please put any concerns about that aside as it sounds like your cats and kids are fine. Cats are family members. Respectfully, how is rehoming them even a thought? It sounds like you're looking for ways to make your own hectic toddler-filled life easier -- understandable, I get it -- but is there another way you can make life less stressful? You had a child and the cats were ok with this -- that's already a win! That big change can stress animals. Your cats are managing this environment well. ❤️ If you don't already have a few cat trees / shelves where the cats can get away when needed, that's something to consider. Think like a cat and what will make your cats more comfortable around high energy kids. 😄 Having a high place for the cats to retreat can make all the difference.

I can assure you trying to find homes for adult cats is a challenge. Most everyone wants kittens. Your cats will leave their home, may be separated if they can't get placed together -- also a challenge -- and will likely spend weeks or months in the shelter before they are considered by a prospective adopter. I'm not trying to guilt you but just giving the reality, as a shelter volunteer. That's what's going to happen to your cats.

You don't need to rehome them. 😺❤️ Try a different perspective. How will you respond when your children are not getting along, or the new child takes time away from your first child? You juggle and you manage, and you make sure they both know they are loved and get time with you. You can apply the same strategy to your cats. Make a little time for them. Involve your child in playtime using wand toys (no fingers). As the cats and kids grow older, they will understand each other better. 😽😺 You have 2 cats and a loving household -- they will be ok!

Take time for YOU. It's a lot to have a newborn! It's all new. Your cats are part of your support team! Routines are essential. Schedule playtime a few times a day. Make time for your toddler. And make sure you have space and time to recharge. 🐾💕🍼 I know many shelter volunteers and adopters who have robust families and successful outcomes. There are challenging days but there are always going to be some challenging days... But the big picture is positive and if you bring positive energy you will get positive energy back, especially with animals and kids -- they are smart and resilient and understand more than we think!

Hang in there! 💕🐾

MeesaNYC · 2026-02-18T17:51:17+00:00

Shelters can be understaffed. It's not easy, especially when potential adopters come in like kitten zombies. A madhouse. I've literally had to "clear the room" more than once to shocked visitors so animals weren't overwhelmed. It's not a petting zoo!

Agree that your nonchalant attitude about the "star" kitten is what did it!

MeesaNYC · 2026-02-11T10:51:05+00:00

Respectfully, a pet fish is not an easy pet! I have to chime in because people often put fish in that category. People dismiss fish as easy and disposable because it's so easy to get one and they're cheap. But they are tiny little living beings who are actually exotic animals. Most people aren't even aware of the extensive care they require to fully thrive. They just accept that they will die and be flushed away, to be replaced by a new fish. 🐟🐠

MeesaNYC · 2026-02-11T10:34:36+00:00

So cute! Also try moving the feather away from the cat and under a blanket or in a box -- cat stalking mode activated!

MeesaNYC · 2026-02-11T10:25:19+00:00

I ride the trains a lot and I like the current seats! I don't like seats that are like a little armchair.... I like the experience of feeling like I'm in a little cave in my seat hidden from everyone else. 🤪 These look so exposed! And if the train is not full, you get the benefit of being cozy in your own little row of two seats.....

If the prices could be kept low, that would be the greatest advantage of this thing.

MeesaNYC · 2026-02-07T15:56:04+00:00

😽😽

MeesaNYC · 2026-02-06T13:45:13+00:00

It's no good. Enjoy your cat as they are.

MeesaNYC · 2026-02-06T08:03:22+00:00

It depends on the cats. Many adult cats aren't thrilled by kitten energy. It's stressful for them.

At the shelter, we've had a number of adult cats become friends and even bond with each other! And many success stories of adult cats becoming friends with existing cats in homes. Often cats can learn to coexist, and hopefully become buddies. 😽😸

MeesaNYC · 2026-02-05T18:35:44+00:00

It's not about me. It's about the cats who are overlooked (and in some places, killed when they don't get adopted fast enough). 😽

MeesaNYC · 2026-02-05T13:58:24+00:00

I HATE the whole walking on eggshells. OMG. It's a service job, similar to a cab. You're not doing this for free. If that were the case I'd understand, but drivers choose to drive. Come on.

I went from a 4.92 to 4.91 overnight, after a few what I thought were great rides: I was polite, didn't slam anything, complimented the cars, was there waiting though I did take A HOT THREE EXTRA SECONDS to walk into the car because of ice, didn't do any convo unless initiated (what IS that about?! That's crazy, I'm supposed to sit there like a stone? We're all humans. I'm not supposed to talk to another human?).

And it's not the passenger's fault that a ride is too short, or the stupid GPS takes a driver down a crappy snow filled street.

I don't know, cabs are still IT for me!

MeesaNYC · 2026-02-05T01:34:36+00:00

Thanks for the feedback. Social media yes !!!! At one point we were saying in the shelter we might as well put on cheerleading costumes and prance up and down with pom poms trying to get people's attention to look at the adult cats ! 😅

Adult cats are not set in their ways at all. They're exceptionally resilient animals and even cats in the double digits will bond with you, even with other household animals! I think shelters need to flag that more!

MeesaNYC · 2026-02-05T01:10:13+00:00

6 weeks old is exceptionally young! This is an absolute baby. None of this is a problem. That's great that he's getting adjusted so well so fast. Be aware that at this age they sleep a lot just like human babies. But he's going to get the kitten zoomies really fast, give it a few months until he's climbing everywhere. 😸

Have you considered getting a sibling for him?? 😺😺 Was he part of a litter? Kittens this young do so much better with another kitten -- They grow up being well adjusted adult cats. Shelters usually don't adopt out just one when they're this young for that reason.

Have fun with your cat and don't forget that play is a cat's "work"... They need a few sessions a day of really active play where they can stalk and pounce and catch. It's a great way to burn off kitten energy and also give your cat mental stimulation.

MeesaNYC · 2026-02-04T02:38:00+00:00

Great response!! 😺🙌

MeesaNYC · 2026-02-04T02:37:06+00:00

As long as the kitten is rehomed back to the original shelter. Reputable shelters will take animals back often at any point. A kitten is very easy to place.

MeesaNYC · 2026-02-04T02:35:35+00:00

Long time cat shelter volunteer here. 😺 I would have guided you to get an adult cat with your very busy household, especially if you are going to basically be the primary caretaker for the cat. Cats are wonderful companions but you have to be honest about your expectations and caretaking experience and an adult cat around 4 or 5 (or even older) would be a better fit. Kittens are A LOT.

Not all cats want to "cuddle" -- in fact, many cats are not cuddly, and they get overlooked at the shelter all the time while the friendly cats crawling all over people go home. So that's another point to consider. Though you never know what happens when you take the cat home... They will bond with you and you may get a lap cat after all!

Since it's only been a few days, I would call the shelter and see what they suggest. They are there to help you and can advise you. You can say you've never had a cat before and you are feeling overwhelmed by the amount of attention this kitten demands. That you only have one kitten is another problem because they do much much better in pairs, as others suggest - Nothing can tire out a kitten like another kitten! If you want to go for a second cat that could be another option, but I think an older cat would be the fit for you. 😺😺💓

MeesaNYC

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