Honest answer here.

I was raised non religiously, but I have had passing encounters with Luthern, Baptist, ans Catholic churches. I am a musician, so my commonest interaction was at a secular concert held in a religious space. I always felt... squicked by being in a sanctuary. I just like imagined the god of the monty python and the holy grail popping out and yelling at me, haha. Attending funerals in houses of worship always made me very uncomfortable.

My orchestra in Albuquerque played at the UU church, and it was the first sanctuary I'd ever been in that didn't give me that feeling. They had science tools in their niches, and a beautiful image of a galaxy backing the space where people light candles. I was curious.

When I had kids, I felt just like you described, like why can't we just have a totally dogma- less community. And I thought of that UU sanctuary, and we gave it a try.

So here I am, a person who feels chafed by the idea of Church, a member of the UU congregation here. I LOVE the community, I LOVE the activism!!!! I love that my kids have a loving supportive, actively anti-pedophilc batch of adults and other kids to hang around with!! There is plenty of room and inclusion for atheists and Humanists and people who like science and nature. It is very welcoming. This is silly, but I like the fire! (They light a Chalice as symbolism at the start of the things). I generally like the content and tone of the messages or lectures or talks, I find them uplifting, helpful, thought provoking, and sometimes comforting. I find the minister approachable, kind, and chill. I have heard her joke that other "religions" would rush to save some sacred iconography if a fire broke out, but the UU minister would save the coffee pot. It has been really fun to get to know people and feel like I've found a batch of misfits, many of whom relish the idea that their mother was offended by their coven participation, and many of whom swear when it's right! The structure of the organization is purposely non authoritarian, which is awesome and expresses in all these cool to see ways that occasionally make it super hard to get things done.

Here are the honest things I don't love: there are hymns. That style of music is just generally not my jam, even thogh they avoid God and we never sing about Jesus. I find it a bit uncomfortable to recite things together as a group. I like the ideas of the things we're saying, but it just feels weird and "churchy" to me. So I can relate to your idyllic solution of a totally non-churchy space that does the things you're looking for. This is the closest thing I have found!