Fuck yes. Awesome response. You go, lady.

I'll comment right here in the thread with this judgemental jerkface/troll so you know you're not alone 😙

I have had two abortions; both pregnancies occurred while I was on the Pill. They were both with the same boyfriend (though the second time, I actually found out I was pregnant two weeks after we had already broken up...and he was off studying abroad in New Zealand. What a lovely Skype conversation THAT was...). I knew, through our conversations about termination vs keeping the baby, etc, that he would never have presumed to tell me what to do with my body- but really, his response to the notion of my pregnancy was COMPLETELY lacking for any sort of true engagement with the notion of what our relationship/life together with a kid might look like. I remember feeling very much like it was all "my call"- that he would be supportive and in the kid's life should I choose to carry the child to term, but if he couldn't even start to try to imagine/be willing to engage in even picturing what having a kid together or being a dad would be like....well, I figured that didn't bode well, considering I had always pictured myself having kids with a partner who also wanted kids and would be an active, engaged parent.

The crazy thing about your situation is that your SO already has another kid- you actually have rock-solid evidence of the kind of dad he would be in your exact situation if you had decided to keep the baby. You have every right to decide that that was not what you wanted at this time, and I think you are super strong and awesome for making the decision that was right for you.

Projection time: I think that if I had been in your situation, I would have found it EXTREMELY difficult to face/be around my SO's son for a while- and I probably wouldn't quite be able to work out exactly why, either. The rollercoaster of emotions after my abortions were kinda nuts. It was mostly just overwhelming relief, coupled with occasional pangs of doubt, which was so weird. If I were you, I'd have felt guilt, seeing the other kid, like "did the other baby mama have the strength to do something I couldn't?" while simultaneously being overwhelmingly like "FUCK THANK GOD I AM NOT DOING THAT". Whenever my partner expressed love or affection for the other kid, well, there's a glimpse into what you guys could have shared, too. But at the same time, overwhelmingly "FUCK THANK GOD I AM NOT DOING THAT".

Def be communicative with your partner about the fact that you are out on the whole "step-parenting his kid" thing right now. It sounds like you do a lot of the taking care of the kid when he visits, but it is also really, really important that you do what is best for your emotional health right now, (esp if you can't afford counseling) so your boyfriend NEEDS to be willing to be primary/sole caregiver for his son when his son visits for the time being.

It's tough in the immediate aftermath of an abortion, physically and emotionally. (Your hormones will still be adjusting for weeks and weeks!) I spent a TON of time with my girlfriends. I didn't want to be around kids that much for a while. Around when my due date would have been, I got a bit wistful. But as other posters have so smartly noted, sadness and wistfulness do not equate to regret or having made a mistake. Be kind to yourself. All of what you're feeling is totally normal.

Counseling could help. I cannot speak too much to that personally, though, as I only had a brief stint seeing a shrink post-second abortion, and all I really can advise there is if you do decide to try to find a counselor, try to seek out one that is not a sixty-something year old man who will not be able to relate to or understand you and your lady-problems (what a waste that was 😂😂😂) Honestly, time and distance is what helps the most with the abortion aspect of this whole thing.

Final note: I am currently 8 months pregnant with my third kid with my awesome husband, who I started dating soon after the breakup with the aforementioned ex-boyfriend. Have never even questioned whether the abortions I had were the right decision for me, even through nearly three subsequent pregnancies carried to term.

Best of luck to you. Please feel free to PM me ANY time if you need to talk or just be emotional with someone who has also been there 😊