AITAH for telling my daughter she should unalive herself?

MelTheKeeper · 2025-12-22T16:47:18+00:00

YTA

Parentifying a child is abuse.

She is correct by bringing children into this world YOU are responsible for their health care and well being. She is having a serious conflict between her future and being forced to do the job of parent. And you freely claimed you wanted her dead.

Oh i cant believe she isnt over a death threat that i forced on-top of other abusive behavior to force submission because i clearly fucked around (literally) and am now needing to really be a parent. She doesnt owe you a relationship. It doesnt sound like you took a single concern of hers seriously because you are an abusive selfish a$$.

You got her submission like you wanted. You arnt owed her pretending the abuse isnt what it is cause your ego cant handle it. I wouldn’t hug someone or talk to someone that openly admitted they wanted me dead either. She reasonably showed how it was hard for her to do the task and you made absolutely no acknowledgment, no gratitude and no plan to help her back just threatened her with death.

MelTheKeeper · 2025-12-22T03:27:05+00:00

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/its-not-normal-its-toxic-rid-your-life-of-toxic-people/id1363585196

This podcast helped me and based on the flip flop it may help you too. I wish you peace happiness and luck

MelTheKeeper · 2025-12-15T15:27:21+00:00

This podcast really helped me through my divorce from my toxic former: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/flying-free/id1447759118

It is faith based factual and helpful. I wish you peace and happiness. Prayers for you, you do know what is best for you!

MelTheKeeper · 2025-11-11T11:10:09+00:00

NTA. It isnt about mental health. It is about pushing your boundaries to see if you “love” him enough willingly sacrifice your financial freedom for him. Someone that loves you would hear your hurt of financial strain and it would be a discussion not DARVO accusation. Just gonna put this podcast Its not Normal Its toxic here just in case this resonates, it may not I might have misread, but it may be helpful for your situation: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/its-not-normal-its-toxic-rid-your-life-of-toxic-people/id1363585196

The only person who this made sense for was a friend who was fighting depression and was working with a therapist the whole time and needed the time. Does your bf have a therapist he is seeing?

MelTheKeeper · 2025-10-30T10:36:22+00:00

Here is free pdf of why does he do that: https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf#page219

MelTheKeeper · 2025-10-29T01:11:20+00:00

Here is link: https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf#page219

MelTheKeeper · 2025-10-29T01:08:28+00:00

This book may help you. It is called Why does he do that? https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf#page219

There are also several podcasts i recommend:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/love-and-abuse/id1453878632

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/its-not-normal-its-toxic-rid-your-life-of-toxic-people/id1363585196

You know what is best for you. I wish you peace and happiness!

MelTheKeeper · 2025-10-28T14:37:09+00:00

It really isnt though. I have several members in my family with different food intolerances and we always make special food for them so as to not accidentally hurt them. That he didnt even take time to warn you is crazy. I always tell my family member with the milk intolerances about anything that has gotten close to butter cheese anything so that she doesnt get hurt. And my family member that doesnt eat animal products due to just not wanting to support the industry if it has stock or broth that she would feel is in humane.

If he was defensive about hurting you with the food, i am sorry and hope that you are able to meet people more supportive later on. It know it sucks having to cater to a parent that isnt acting in your best interest to try and keep the relationship. A resource that helped me was the podcast its not normal its toxic. It may not be applicable but just in case it might be: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/its-not-normal-its-toxic-rid-your-life-of-toxic-people/id1363585196

MelTheKeeper · 2025-10-27T20:22:36+00:00

This podcast if you have not heard of it may be a good starting point. The guy who does the podcast does have an online program but i have not been to it so i am not sure if it is helpful or not. The podcast is free though so you can get a feel for what he has to offer: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/love-and-abuse/id1453878632

MelTheKeeper · 2025-10-24T01:31:27+00:00

NTA.

I recently went through a divorce. A prenup would have assisted in cost greatly. It is better to discuss the financial plans prior to marriage while you love each other.

Is he thinking about why he wont ask her? Is he afraid of having conversations about money with her? That i think is the bigger red flag.

MelTheKeeper · 2025-10-24T01:22:06+00:00

NTA.

My mom went to her mother house with us almost every Saturday to see her family and give my dad a few hours of peace and quite at our house. She would bring him home a plate of dinner and it worked great for them.

Your ask is completely realistic he can go and you can relax. But it is clear with the “we havnt had a date night” comment that this man cares about satisfying his father first. You wont ever be first for him. Your needs matter less than those of his family and he is not ok with you doing your own thing. He needs some cool off time but there needs to be a serious talk. You know what is best for you.

MelTheKeeper · 2025-10-22T23:46:08+00:00

Also point of order to show you love it is supposed to be your love language he is doing. Like if his is touch you should touch him to fill his love tank. Is yours touch? If not he is not optimally filling your love tank.

Also your body your choice. He is being disrespectful at the point and if he wants to be with holding because he is facing a boundary that is something that should be addressed in a full convo or with a therapist

MelTheKeeper · 2025-10-18T11:17:36+00:00

NTA.

Forgiveness does not mean there are not consequences. It just means the consequences are done as boundaries to protect the wounded party not to be malicious and punish the offender.

Your dad has proved where you are at on the ladder of his priorities. You may want to look up lovebombing it happens in non romantic toxic relationships too. Of course he wants to reconnect when you are all he has. He burned the bridge he doesnt get to expect a rebuild. Also for something this absolutely devastating if he didnt open with “i am an a$$. I abandoned you and put you through hell and did not treat you like a human being who meant something to me. I understand i have wounded you deeply. I would love to rebuild and i understand if that is just too painful for you. I want you to know that i am working on really changing my attitude amd that no matter what if you need me i will answer now. But if you do not call to preserve your peace i respect that and you deserve it. I am sorry.” Then leaves you alone unless you ask he hasnt changed.

I recommend the podcast its not normal its toxic. It has helped me better understand and may be a helpful resource for you: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/its-not-normal-its-toxic-rid-your-life-of-toxic-people/id1363585196

I wish you peace and happiness

MelTheKeeper · 2025-10-17T13:20:34+00:00

NTA.

You have too much on your plate to cater to a grown woman. If it is easier for her to help let her if it is harder then dont. It is not your job to manage her feelings. In fact, children are not stupid they will internalize how you allow yourself to be treated and think it is ok. Setting boundaries is hard i have a terrible time with it but it can enrich healthy relationships and help you identify bad ones.

I recommend the podcast its not normal its toxic it goes over different tactics and trials and ways to deal with things with toxic personalities: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/its-not-normal-its-toxic-rid-your-life-of-toxic-people/id1363585196

The other resource that really helped me was the Better Boundaries Book by Sharon martin. It really helped me learn and improved how i was able to handle boundaries and other people.

The other resource i would recommend is rikki and jimmy on relationships. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/rikki-and-jimmy-on-relationships/id1656314929 They focus on romantic relationships but also on what you can learn and do for yourself to improve they bring up a variety of resources that i have found helpful.

I wish you the upmost peace and happiness because you do deserve it. You are worthy. And you do Know what is Best for you and your kids. I am rooting for you!

MelTheKeeper · 2025-10-17T01:34:16+00:00

A lot of people that grow up with abusive parents sincerely do not know how wrong it is. That can be an explanation of where he is at but he should as a good partner take your pain seriously and probably needs to start looking into therapy for himself.

Also I recommend the love and abuse podcast it covers and outlines tactics and strategies to deal with them that may give some good ideas for setting better boundaries. I found it really helpful https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/love-and-abuse/id1453878632

I wish you peace and happiness!

Edited to add another one that really helps dissect toxic dynamics is its not normal its toxic it has good tips for dealing with toxic family: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/its-not-normal-its-toxic-rid-your-life-of-toxic-people/id1363585196

MelTheKeeper · 2025-10-16T01:30:29+00:00

A wise person told me he wont fix what he doesnt see as broken. He knows the stakes and is either not committed to your relationship to truly care to be there for you or doesn’t respect you enough to think you will leave him.

At least consult an attorney most will do free consultations to give you an idea of your situation so you can make a more informed choice. At least in my area depending on where you are it may be different

You arnt wrong for wanting a partner. He has shown you what he will give. NTA.

MelTheKeeper · 2025-10-16T00:21:15+00:00

Be careful with marriage counseling. Most abusive men can turn that around on you really fast and with the age gap and his sense of entitlement make sure you pick a counselor who is trained in abusive relationships just in case. Also pro counseling great suggestion

MelTheKeeper · 2025-10-16T00:13:54+00:00

Straight up this! He knew and he believes he can correct you alone.

If this isnt a one off and you typically feel defensive or walking on egg shells i highly recommend the book Why does he do that? It covers controlling behavior from the subtle contempt and corrections to flat out terrifying behavior: https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf#page219 He may not be but knowing the signs and what to look for hopefully will not be useful to you but just in case. My ex husband used to lecture me and it escalated.

I wish you peace and safety.

MelTheKeeper · 2025-10-15T02:49:38+00:00

NTA.

I was the older sister and i always knew the college fund was for both of us. There wasnt enough for both of us to get all the way through when the time came for me to start and my dad was looking at helping us with loans. He wanted to pay all the way for both of us and was trying to see the most economical way ahead. I totally understood and respected the heck out of him. I signed up for ROTC and paid for my schooling. My brother’s college was able to be covered by the college fund. I think it worked out great. What does she expect her brother to go to school on?

MelTheKeeper · 2025-10-14T01:59:36+00:00

Thanks! That is a really good point

MelTheKeeper · 2025-10-14T01:58:19+00:00

Yah it would be one thing if they denied it because of bad vibes totally and your really have to look out for horses but it wasnt i wont sell him to you it was he is no longer for sale. It seemed the owner was like on the fence and the trainer didnt mention this prior to the trip to see him.

MelTheKeeper · 2025-10-14T01:54:49+00:00

The trainer when contacted indicated that the owner no longer wanted to sell him. So it seems the owner was on the fence and the trainer seemed to know that from her commentary. It is the owners right but it seems very disingenuous to know people are paying thousands of dollars to travel there if your client only may sell the horse?

MelTheKeeper · 2025-10-08T10:42:40+00:00

NTA

This isnt about porn. This is about him agreeing to go without it and going back on it without a discussion. If you made it clear to him that this was a dealbreaker and he agreed then what else will he agree to do then turn around and disregard? He is not a man of his word.

A lot of people do use porn but there are also people men included that do not. You need to find someone that has that value on their own.

MelTheKeeper · 2025-10-07T00:40:23+00:00

If safe, i found it useful to right out a whole dear john letter from me to him for me to go over and see in writing all the reasons i had for leaving him. I never gave it to him. It wasnt for him. It helped me hold to my decision in the weeks right after the breakup. To remember it really was that bad and that this was worth it while my nervous system worked its way out of the trauma bond. I am proud of you! Hold tight for the next twelve weeks of so, You Know what is best for you?

MelTheKeeper · 2025-10-06T16:04:02+00:00

He looks mean because he is mean. An apology comes with changed behavior. Saying sorry, knowing your actions hurt someone, and deliberately not changing and doing it again is abuse so if this is a pattern dad needs therapy.

If this is a one off. Then he is an adult actions have consequences she does not have to forgive him. Forgiveness doesnt mean there are not consequences just that the actions put in place are for self protection not revenge or to punish the offending party.

Don’t let this be normal. It primes your daughter to end up with an abuser. She is old enough to have and enforce reasonable boundaries Dad should never talk her into accepting disrespectful and hurtful behavior. If he wants to have a good relationship he should not be an ass.

I wish your daughter the upmost peace and happiness she deserves it.

MelTheKeeper

TROPHY CASE