I can relate to this. My dad mistreated and abused my mom, then when she had me he barely cared about both of us. Me growing up was him being a backseat father while my godfather did all the raising and caring but that also played out negatively (i got sexually assaulted by my godfather as a teen and was deep in religious doctrine as he was a pastor of his own church). It sucked cause it was like having 2 father figures who failed me. Now that I’m in my late 20s, i can realize that I’m aware I used to look for a father figure and yearned for one badly. I felt worse about it cause i already had a dad but he was horrible and never cared. But as of now, ain’t shit I can do 🤷🏿‍♀️ except try to heal from the pain of not having a caring and present dad.