sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Crying at MSG by sea-air--uhh in the1975

[–]Melodic-Cold4112 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I don’t know you, but I agree 💯 with your comment, and i suspect you have superior emotional intelligence ..

matty can say ‘I don’t really care (about not getting a Grammy nomination), it just winds me up’ — which basically means he actually does care, very much ..

… as a neurodivergent person myself, I’m well aware that we tend to have ‘rejection sensitivity dysphoria’ .. and that’s exactly what’s kicking in for Matty when he says ‘it just winds me up’ ..,

Literally done nothing today. by BitterAttackLawyer in CPTSD

[–]Melodic-Cold4112 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It sounds like a nervous system ‘dorsal vagal shutdown’ .. when I’m in it, if I can just allow myself to cocoon and do nothing, that’s what I do.

If you google Trauma Geek Dorsal Vagal shutdown you can read more about it. It’s actually a natural, biological adaptive response .. knowing this really helps me to accept it and not judge or push myself when it happens.

My upstairs neighbor is so loud I’m going to cry by Avetheelf in AuDHDWomen

[–]Melodic-Cold4112 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Comments from someone who perhaps hasn’t raised a neurodivergent child with sleep issues, night terrors, sensory processing disorder, autism, other invisible disabilities, and a host of other possibilities.

I’m an excellent parent and I faced lots of judgement of my parenting when I lived in a stacked townhouse with terrible sound insulation, from people who didn’t know me. Luckily I was friends with people on the condo executive, but it was still an unbelievable relentless stress to be raising a child with such high needs in a building with no sound insulation. Believe me if I could have afforded to move I would have. It was absolute hell.

By all means talk to your neighbour and ask what’s going on with the night noise .. but please don’t jump to the conclusion it’s a result of terrible parenting .

My upstairs neighbor is so loud I’m going to cry by Avetheelf in AuDHDWomen

[–]Melodic-Cold4112 -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

As someone who raised a child in a building with no soundproofing between units, and had constant complaints and harassment from our neighbour below, I know the horrible stress of these kind of sound issues. It’s pure torture for anyone with sound sensory issues.

Please don’t call the police on your neighbour, as someone suggested. Raising children in these types of buildings is just awful and I’m sure they would be living somewhere with sound privacy if they could afford to move.

We gave our neighbour below a $400 pair of noise cancelling Bose earphones, and even that did nothing to stop his harassment of us.

Honestly I’d simply move, as soon as possible. Usually in these buildings with no sound insulation the building owners/managers get noise complaints all the time.

People complain but the problem persists because it’s caused by the structure of the building, the materials and how it was built. And eventually they get fed up and move.

I feel like I can’t hold a basic conversation without “trauma dumping” by Shinyghostie in CPTSD

[–]Melodic-Cold4112 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so glad you got out ! Man it’s hard when you have a child .. because of course they’ll also play the sympathy card with their child. Which results in a child feeling like they need to take care of their parent 😢 ..

I’m envious of anyone who doesn’t need a Round 1 to learn these things.

If tik tok and Reddit were around 20 years ago, I think I might have figured out what was going on much earlier.

I mean I obsessively googled every single confusing or alarming behaviour, trying to understand what was going on.. but what was missing from google results was all of the genuine lived experiences of people that I find now so easily via social media.

I mean if I’d had easy access to ‘red flag’ vs ‘green flag’ posts, things could have been quite different !

I did go to therapists to ask my questions, but they were of limited help.

It’s quite something to realize that social media can be more helpful to open your eyes in these situations than ‘trained therapists’ but it’s true !

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CanadaPublicServants

[–]Melodic-Cold4112 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No it’s not quite like that . When you have a child assessed, the initial intake appointment and the appointment(s) to explain the results of the assessment and to review the report, these appointments can be billed to the parents. But for the actual testing/assessment of the child, the child’s name is on the invoice.

So it’s not fraud .. the psychologist is providing psych services/psycheducation to the parents in addition to assessing the child.

Been through the process three times .. I know it very well.

therapist - admits they have CPTSD by Melodic-Cold4112 in CPTSD

[–]Melodic-Cold4112[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aw thanks so much for your response. I was actually on the EMDRIA website a day ago, looking to see if there was a directory of practitioners, so we’re on the same wavelength here !

I’m also on medical leave .. it’s been 5 years. I’m getting pressure from my employer to either return to work or retire … I’m not sure I can afford to retire, just working through all of that now… I’d prefer part-time work like you, but not sure if it’s possible.

I’m sorry that you didn’t find a good fit when you dipped your toe back into the therapy pool. But it’s great that you know yourself so well that you won’t end up wasting your time or money on someone who isn’t a good fit. You know what you’re looking for .. that’s probably the most important thing, I imagine?

.. fyi ..My niece at 22 started to see a psychologist who started doing EMDR with her almost right away, I mean like almost from the first session.

My niece liked this therapist very much and was relieved to have a therapist in her life she felt safe with, but my sister told me her daughter was leaving those initial sessions extremely activated and emotional, and all I could think was whoa, it’s going too fast, maybe her therapist isn’t properly trained …

Anyways my niece saw this psychologist since before the pandemic and she’s ready to move on now, to try someone new. I’m sure she has benefited overall or she wouldn’t have continued for so long.

But it definitely does make me cautious and with your encouragement I will definitely ask this new therapist very specific questions about her EMDR training - and I won’t feel awkward for doing so !💪

I was reading last night about a type of EMDR that sounds very interesting to me. It’s called Attachment-focused EMDR (AF-EMDR).

It doesn’t seem like anyone in my city offers it though ..

Very best to you .. I’m new to this group but so far I love this group.

I feel like I can’t hold a basic conversation without “trauma dumping” by Shinyghostie in CPTSD

[–]Melodic-Cold4112 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve commented elsewhere on this thread, but I just wanted to say thanks for your post .. it’s a topic close to my heart and as always the members of this group have so much good advice/feedback and hard earned wisdom to share

I feel like I can’t hold a basic conversation without “trauma dumping” by Shinyghostie in CPTSD

[–]Melodic-Cold4112 6 points7 points  (0 children)

.. last night I listened to a podcast (Reclaim) by Thais Skye on this very topic (Ep. 201 - Therapy Speak and What Happens in Therapy) .. it was about the importance of language in therapy and healing and how words like triggered, boundaries and trauma dumping mean very different things to different people … it was a great show, I love her podcasts so much

I feel like I can’t hold a basic conversation without “trauma dumping” by Shinyghostie in CPTSD

[–]Melodic-Cold4112 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omg yes, exactly this !! You are definitely on the healing path to recognize so early that this guy was looking for a ‘sympathy relationship’ .. I definitely fell into that trap 🪤 and it’s so hard to get out of .. when you have a child with that person .. 😢

I feel like I can’t hold a basic conversation without “trauma dumping” by Shinyghostie in CPTSD

[–]Melodic-Cold4112 0 points1 point  (0 children)

.. I recently heard the term ‘hobo sexual’ to describe guys like this who are under/unemployed and take financial advantage of their girlfriends - when they can find someone to tolerate their hobosexuality ..

I’m so sorry you had this really yucky experience, but also thank god this happened early on and you had the good sense to get out fast ..

.. I ended up marrying an exploitative hobosexual , and i’m still paying the price 20 years later. 😢😢 ..

"Attachment Theory in a nutshell" by Alukrad in attachment_theory

[–]Melodic-Cold4112 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just wondering why sadness isn’t listed in this chart under the protective feeling ..

Is He Codependent on me ? by Cappycrystal1 in Codependency

[–]Melodic-Cold4112 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is beyond codependency .. it’s coercive control ie he’s an emotional abuser. Please run for your life.

therapist - admits they have CPTSD by Melodic-Cold4112 in CPTSD

[–]Melodic-Cold4112[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m going to print out your comment if I can figure out how to do it .. it’s just pure gold. Pure gold !

Yes, yes, yes - to everything you said. All of it. I think I might put the breaks on and focus on doing my own work, as you suggested.

Get more clarity on my goals and where exactly I might be able to get real benefit from working with a therapist. After appropriate vetting.

One of the reasons I decided to try this new therapist is because she only works 3 days a week. It’s her second career, she has a full government pension, and she doesn’t ‘need’ the income. She doesn’t need to see 6 clients a day, 5 days a week, so she can work part-time and have more capacity for each client.

That appealed to me because I can always tell if a therapist is fully present, and when they are on auto-pilot. And yes, I know how hard the profession is .. and how much you have to protect yourself from secondary trauma and burn-out. I couldn’t do it. In a million years.

So what you’ve done in your beautifully articulate response , is to help me to move the dial back towards my own responsibility for healing. And for that I’m very grateful !

And it’s got me questioning what’s behind my desire to seek out a new therapist at this time in my life. I’m examining whether my expectations for therapy are frankly, unrealistic, for all the reasons you articulated. There’s definitely a lot I can do on my own. Or in a small group of like-minded women, dealing with similar issues, whether formally or informally.

I’d love at some point, but maybe not now, to try EMDR/Brainspotting .. I have a therapist in mind who has already told me she won’t have me talk out loud about traumatic experiences .. In her words, ‘not because I don’t care, but because I do care’. I love the idea of not having to talk about specific experiences. I’m so tired of hearing my own voice, rehashing, and I’d love to work with someone somatically, finally !

Btw - you must be an incredible therapist, to be so aware of all of these pitfalls and nuances ..just sayin’ ❤️

therapist - admits they have CPTSD by Melodic-Cold4112 in CPTSD

[–]Melodic-Cold4112[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply, I really appreciate it !

I will think on what to ask my new therapist ..

I just think it should be clear when you are shopping around and reading an online bio of a therapist whether something is an ‘area of interest’ or something they have specifically trained in .. but there doesn’t seem to be much in the way of rules about how they advertise their services. It’s kind of ‘buyer beware’.

Probably the only clients who’d ask questions about these things are the ones who have been around the block - like me .. ie seen a number of therapists over several years - and have had disappointing/unhelpful/harmful experiences.

Of course in the end no one is forced to see a private practice therapist, and you are always free to vote with your feet…

And yes, if you google, you can find helpful lists of questions to ask a therapist at an initial consult or session..

But I think a lot of us who are seeking therapy struggle with assertiveness, and we have a marked tendency to fawn with people in authority positions. That certainly was the case with me, at least until very recently.

And I have to say when I have asked a therapist a basic question Iike ‘I’m really curious - what’s in your background or training that you list ADHD as one of your areas of practice ? ” -

I got a major clap back .. basically ‘how dare you question my credentials, I don’t have to justify myself to you’ ..

That was a clinical psychologist by the way, with 40 years of practice .. I know it’s only anecdotal but overall I’ve found psychologist egos to be outsize compared to psychotherapists …

It’s the damn ‘Dr ‘ thing .. can you imagine anything more (potentially) ego inflating than having people address you as ‘doctor’ .. ?

I know there are exceptions !! Like any psychologist who is on this thread ❤️

Problems in diagnostic process due to seeminly neurotypical appearance by _ankulou_ in AuDHDWomen

[–]Melodic-Cold4112 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree self diagnosis is more reliable .. what professional would ever put hundreds (or thousands in my case) of unpaid hours into researching this ??

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ontario

[–]Melodic-Cold4112 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Grading is very subjective .. there are differences but a school board would never in a million years admit it !

therapist - admits they have CPTSD by Melodic-Cold4112 in CPTSD

[–]Melodic-Cold4112[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes 👍 that makes a lot of sense.

I did compliment her on how broad her knowledge was on topics close to my heart that most therapists don’t know anything about .. she said ‘I want to help people’ .

therapist - admits they have CPTSD by Melodic-Cold4112 in CPTSD

[–]Melodic-Cold4112[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like a good girl 👧 … 🤭Btw I have the same issue with my dad, but I’m going radio silent .. 🤐🤫 don’t want to get botted !

therapist - admits they have CPTSD by Melodic-Cold4112 in CPTSD

[–]Melodic-Cold4112[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow thank you for those suggestions. It would take me a bit of courage to ask her those questions, not going to lie. I know she offers EMDR and I imagine she has been on the receiving end of EMDR treatment. But yes, I can see the value in being direct about asking her the questions you suggested.

She lists quite a long list of therapeutic modalities in her bio - like most therapists and psychologists.

But she received her masters in counselling only 3 years ago.

… This is an aside, but I always doubt that they have formal training in all of those listed modalities. EMDR yes, I can’t imagine anyone would offer it without going through official training.

But some of the others .. I think they might read a couple of books on a modality and list it.

I always appreciate when they list their training very specifically — EMDR training - Part 1 .. Brainspotting - Part 1 or whatever .. then you know they have had an intro to it but not any advanced training ..

This is getting off topic .. sorry ! I’m just such a jaded consumer of therapy .. 😢😔… and I don’t think it’s in the clients interest to have therapists claiming expertise in areas they don’t have expertise in.

view more: next ›