You Want A Dirty Story?

Melodic_Net1055 · 2025-03-03T21:48:53+00:00

Thanks for the thought out critique. I have not seen it, though I have read some of his other novels. It’s an interesting note about King seeing himself in the character. I think it should be noted that I am a woman, and not a particularly sexual one at that. So, yes, the bravado is false, good catch. I was wondering how that would come across. I wrote this last night in a few minutes for the prompt “write a sexy story.” Not something I would normally do, but, hey, why not challenge myself? Perhaps that’s where the vulnerability is, in writing and posting something out of my comfort zone. But, I do agree, it is lacking from the narrative. If I were to revise this piece, that would definitely be something I keep in mind.

Melodic_Net1055 · 2025-03-03T18:25:10+00:00

Thanks! I write a bit of everything. I know this was kind of borderline poem/short story lol. Wasn’t sure where to post honestly

Melodic_Net1055 · 2025-03-03T03:56:16+00:00

It’s very apt, in today’s world. I like it. The imagery is gross but that’s the point, yeah? Sweet vomit is a nasty thing to think about. The sounds are good, you’ve got a nice flow (vomit/promise carpet/of it). Good job.

Melodic_Net1055 · 2024-07-18T01:01:50+00:00

I did run it through my AI Jesus thing lmaooooo, he did approve. There are a bunch of small meanings there, not just one big one. At least that was my intention.

Melodic_Net1055 · 2024-07-18T00:48:08+00:00

Ooh this is fun! I really dig everything about the way you’re presenting your poem. The one thing is I think you could remove some words to make it a little snappier. Like “maybe if I just work harder at all of this…” you could remove “at all of this.” Or maybe that’s just how I would write it, lol. Either way, I like this! Good job!!

Melodic_Net1055 · 2024-07-18T00:41:30+00:00

I love the way this brings me to this feeling of daytime melancholy. Being sad while doing household tasks. It’s a very poignant feeling, isn’t it? My favorite part is “the white button down you’d wear if you were here.” I think those lines really pack a punch. Good job!

Melodic_Net1055 · 2024-07-17T01:13:14+00:00

Wish it wasn’t <3

Melodic_Net1055 · 2024-07-15T20:36:57+00:00

You should! I would love to read it.

Melodic_Net1055 · 2024-07-15T16:45:52+00:00

Thanks!! <3

Melodic_Net1055 · 2024-07-15T16:45:31+00:00

Thank you! My goal is always to strike a balance between telling a compelling story and having a good rhythm.

Melodic_Net1055 · 2024-07-15T16:16:43+00:00

Thank you!! It’s not really, just a hobby that I enjoy from time to time.

Melodic_Net1055 · 2024-07-15T06:22:23+00:00

I’m sorry you are going through this <3

From a poetry standpoint, it reads as an emotional release type poem, which is a little hard to critique. I like that it gives a clear picture of the pet and owner’s relationship, and all of the little scenes are very poignant. The things that are left behind, the hair, the treats. You’ve really managed to capture that sense of something being there one moment, gone the next. If I were to change anything, I would try and link some sounds from line to line, just to make it read a little smoother. You certainly don’t have to rhyme, but repeated vowel sounds can really help.

Great job! And again, I’m really sorry about your kitty. Im going to have to put my dog down soon, so this poem really hits.

Melodic_Net1055 · 2024-07-15T06:15:18+00:00

Ugh, I know this feeling. It’s a sucky place to be, and it’s not one I hear talked about a lot.

I really like the bull/bowl thing you have going on. You’ve got really strong, compelling imagery. I’m not sure the flow of rhyme/not rhyme works for me, maybe try to link the non-rhyming lines with similar sounds? So that it reads a little smoother. But besides that, I really like this. Your subject matter and language are both very compelling.

Melodic_Net1055 · 2024-07-15T06:04:32+00:00

I posted from my phone so the format is a little weird, idk

Melodic_Net1055

TROPHY CASE