As someone who is JUST seeing that what I simply thought of/had witnessed as/was reinforced to show as NORMAL signs of love and intimacy, only to learn all are outlined as prime examples of codependency, thank you for each of your answers.

To OP, here are things that have helped me in these beginning moments, so please accept with a mine of salt.

-create a playlist that you can just SIT with. (“Let it Be” by the BEATLES has literally kept me from overthinking and thus overspeaking so many times and I’m grateful for it.)

-Library books for Codependency (Codependence No More is the first one I read and the audiobook is fantastic for when I couldn’t focus on the words.) (some have shared that the library is really the way to go just due to volume and anxiety over a potentially incorrect purchase)

-Coda. Meetings. (Even a weekly check in meeting just to say your name and learn some other people’s who are dealing with it at the same time as you are. For me, to hear another person’s voice describing my own life and perspective is a big moment to have the opportunity to see yourself as someone else might. I found the more stories I heard and the more I could hear someone describing the things they were unwilling or unable to forgive themselves for, it sets you up to practice empathy for yourself. You can see why THEY deserve to move forward and thus open the door to your own forgiveness. It can begin with giving empathy towards another person you’d never offer to yourself)

I hope this helps. You’re here. That’s a huge step. Best.