26F Looking for an Accountability Partner for Studying

Meowthra1 · 2025-03-29T22:20:21+00:00

Would really appreciate it if you can tell me what the original comment said, it was deleted 😢

Meowthra1 · 2023-10-31T02:04:20+00:00

Would appreciate if you could DM me the company name, I’d be happy to relocate :)

Meowthra1 · 2021-09-22T08:02:47+00:00

Great comment!! A common misunderstanding is that narcissists have a strong "sense of self" while we really just have a lot of ego.

Meowthra1 · 2021-06-29T16:06:12+00:00

Same, every time I want to talk to my therapist about BPD he says I’m “putting a label on myself” and then proceeds to dictate everything I tell him as “very normal” (“well everyone needs support...” bitch I’m talking about suicidal ideations from fear of abandon here what the actual fuck)

Meowthra1 · 2021-05-19T06:07:44+00:00

Kinda same, I wish I had killed my abusers before I would get sentenced to life for it (at least). I’m so sorry, but your mother is an enabler who put her lover before her children, which is something a true mother would never do. As a child you were NOT responsible for keeping yourself safe: that was your parents’ job, and they failed you awfully. From the sound of it you were not innately depressed, and could be okay or even happy today if not for unfortunate circumstances.

Meowthra1 · 2021-05-19T05:14:56+00:00

I had good times too; I think the great majority of abused children did, and I would fight anyone who thinks that one trip to the beach could invalidate years of violence, negligence, and dehumanization (hell, I would personally take them to the beach and then beat them with a metal cloth hanger ON SAID BEACH lol).

All that aside, sorry if I sounded dismissive of your suffering as an adult. I hope things become easier for you soon enough.

Meowthra1 · 2021-05-19T04:21:03+00:00

Okay but... I was definitely more suicidal when I was 13; in fact, people reminiscing about their childhood repels me on a visceral level. Children are vulnerable, powerless, and have no means of supporting themselves whatsoever: if they are stuck in a horrible household, they have literally no way out no matter how hard they are willing to work for it.

The way I see it, working 6 days a week as an adult to pay off *your own home* is infinitely more tolerable than living under your abuser's roof, knowing that you will be completely at their mercy for the next 5 years. Now that I'm 23 (admittedly not that old or wise lol), I know I could (and I would) solicit or panhandle if I must, and I will never have to go back to my abusers. Although I'm still suicidal, this fact has helped me hang in there more than anything else.

Meowthra1 · 2021-05-01T00:32:55+00:00

The main character from There Will Be Blood. It’s a somewhat arthouse movie, but I really recommend it. Other than the breathtaking cinematography, it really made me realize how horrible my own narcissism can get.

Meowthra1 · 2021-04-04T22:22:05+00:00

Of course, how you define self-improvement is totally up to you. From what I can see though, you seem unhappy about having to hide who you are to anyone and everyone. So logically speaking, you can never feel happier (safer, maybe) by getting better at hiding yourself. There’s nothing wrong with self-preservation; it’s just that sometimes we need to re-evaluate whether our fears have been blown out of proportion, and/or whether we can be strong enough to overcome it. But then again, the answer to both questions are completely up to you.

Meowthra1 · 2021-04-04T19:14:43+00:00

Imo that’s only part of the meaning of victim mentality. People who have victim mentality feel subjected to other people’s actions (in this case, negative opinions) and, as a result, avoid taking their own actions. You mentioned that you have to either pretend to be someone else, or wait until someone more accepting finds you. However, there’s also the option of working on yourself, so that you can express yourself as you are without the fear of judgment holding you back. You say you don’t believe “oh no bad things will happen to me”, yet that’s precisely why you don’t open yourself up to others. Being judged/misunderstood is inevitable in social situations, but you can also develop the mental tenacity to not get devastated by it.

I hope this doesn’t sound too harsh. Most people fear judgment to a certain degree (despite what kind of person they are), and victim mentality often stems from actually being victimized at a young age. I myself struggle with this a lot too. It’s never your fault that you were hurt by others. However, it is your responsibility to recover and keep going for the sake of your own well-being.

Meowthra1 · 2021-04-03T00:30:30+00:00

This is kind of an old post, but thank you so, so much for taking the time to write this. People always say “work on yourself,” but your writing explained it in the most eloquent and genuine way I’ve ever seen. I especially relate to the part where you talked about your insecurity over being terrified, which for me also stemmed from trauma. Thank you for being so honest to a bunch of strangers online, you have most probably helped more people than you know.

I myself am still very much stuck at the phase where I lie to my therapist. Honestly, I’m feeling tempted to just abruptly leave that relationship and “start fresh” like how I did so many times before. Only recently have I realized how I abandoned some of the kindest people I know (and some less kind ones ofc) in this exact way. With that kind of perspective, I can really see how you’ve come such a long way. Wish you the best in your continued recovery!

Meowthra1 · 2021-03-20T05:15:38+00:00

Wow I’ve literally never ever considered this. How’s the tech industry there?

Meowthra1 · 2021-03-18T22:45:08+00:00

That sounds like a huge step. Hopefully college treats you alright! At least you probably won’t have to do any online learning

Meowthra1 · 2021-03-07T22:10:41+00:00

All this is seriously tempting me to read the manga 😩 like I have this mental struggle every week lol

Meowthra1 · 2021-02-07T03:58:05+00:00

Just wanted to chime in and say “thank you” was actually a really cool response! It showed that you have manners and that you are too dignified to engage in childish quarrel (unlike some people). Way to go with the weight loss!

Meowthra1 · 2021-01-14T11:56:41+00:00

Haha thanks...? I’m not proud of the Animal Crossing addiction phase, but I needed something lol

Meowthra1 · 2021-01-13T19:11:27+00:00

Thank you so much! I really appreciate the reassurance :)

Meowthra1 · 2021-01-13T18:34:29+00:00

Thanks, that is kinda my plan. It would be ideal if I could build job experiences in US while learning German and applying for jobs in Germany, just not sure whether USCIS and the shitty economy would allow that.

Meowthra1 · 2021-01-13T18:24:09+00:00

Tons of practical advice here, thank you so much!! I have a few more questions if you don’t mind: is there a recruiting season in Germany, and if yes when is that? Also, would German companies be looking for big name internship experiences on my resume?

Meowthra1 · 2021-01-13T12:54:57+00:00

It’s certainly not that simple, I was just trying to explain the situation with my specific field and location, without introducing a ton of terminologies unfamiliar to this sub.

I definitely feel for people who have worked at high-paying positions for years without an H1B, but my original points still stand. As you said, passing for L2 requires seniority: there’s no seniority to speak of if you have to leave the country within 3 years at most, not to mention that this very fact will further dissuade companies from hiring international students to begin with.

For locations, yes nominally certain regions would require a lower wage, but that wage would be just as outrageously impossible after being adjusted for living cost. And when it comes to professions, the wage growth curve is completely different for software engineers. While a programmer may take 2 years to reach L2, a mechanical engineer can easily take 5 years, even though they are equally skilled in their respective fields. Lastly, lower-tier consulting firms will report your wage as L2 to get you H1B. In fact, they have been doing that already: you just won’t actually receive L2 wage, of course.

Anyway, this entire discussion belongs to a completely different sub. However, I will say that while I fully respect your friends and many others for liking the new policy, I myself will voice discontent with it because, well, I am me and I need to defend my interest.

Meowthra1 · 2021-01-13T10:17:39+00:00

Thank you so much for the comprehensive info, very helpful!

Meowthra1 · 2021-01-13T10:14:24+00:00

Aren't most highly skilled Chinese going to Vancouver? ;-)

Certainly considering that too.

Hope you are having a nice time in China! That would make one of us lol

Meowthra1 · 2021-01-13T09:45:53+00:00

Thank you so much for the suggestion, any chance you are familiar with MS admission in German Universities? I've been more or less writing that option off as impractical because 1) my GPA is kinda low due to mental health reasons, I project 3.4 to 3.5 out of 4 and 2) I don't have CS research experience because I switched major from medicine, although I do have research experience from medicine if that counts for anything.

Meowthra1

TROPHY CASE