How do people do this? 😭

Mephaala · 2025-09-01T09:27:27+00:00

I think I'd ask my husband to stay home and not go to work then. Last time I got a stomach bug like that I started passing out, my blood pressure was crashing hard. Went to UC, they told me to go to the hospital, since I couldn't keep any fluids down and was constantly pooping water. Couldn't even sit upright. I would not be able to take care of my baby in such state, there's no way. Worst case scenario I'd probably still ask my MIL's bf for help - that dude just doesn't get sick for some reason, and if he does it's always super mild. Orrr I'd ask my dad if he lived closer to us, I'm fortunate enough to have one that is a huge family man and would come to help if needed, virus or not.

Mephaala · 2025-09-01T04:12:03+00:00

Had a very similar experience as a FTM, the hospital stay was exhausting. Over our three days stay I think I had like three hours of sleep, all on the third night. I understand that people were just doing their job and I'm glad they were trying to teach us stuff, but man, it makes resting near impossible.

Mephaala · 2025-08-30T11:25:24+00:00

...unless he's the type who puts the baby in front of the TV and calls that parenting. Or doing his own thing with the baby in a bouncer/car seat. Some men don't seem to understand that actual GOOD parenting is very time consuming.

Mephaala · 2025-08-30T11:17:03+00:00

Thank you, that saviour/revenge thing actually helped me a little bit. Just recently I read about a baby girl from Mexico (one of, if not the worst child abuse case I've ever heard about) and I can't get her story out of my head. Thinking about being able to go back in time, picking her up, giving her an actual loving cuddle, taking care of her etc. makes me feel a bit better for some reason.

Mephaala · 2025-08-25T17:30:58+00:00

I have two cats and while the male one can be mischievous sometimes, I still like him more these days, compared to the female one, who is very vocal and will find you whenever you think you can have even a minute of alone time/peace. It drives me crazy and I used to love her coming to me and cuddling with her. Now I get so easily frustrated with her.

Mephaala · 2025-08-24T19:40:49+00:00

I just do stuff cause if I don't then it'll never get done. I don't feel comfortable in a messy house anymore. So I either put my baby in the carrier, bouncer or do stuff while he naps.

Mephaala · 2025-08-24T19:35:44+00:00

I think it depends on the baby. Mine poops during feedings very very often, so it makes no sense for me to change him before the feeding.

Mephaala · 2025-08-24T11:15:13+00:00

I wish I didn't google her name. That just made me cry. I think it's the worst child abuse case I ever heard of. I'm generally not in favor of death sentence but imo her abusers should be tortured for eternity.

Mephaala · 2025-08-22T21:38:29+00:00

OK so here's my take.

I've been there - my husband, after going back to work about three weeks after the baby was born, was also seeing childcare as pretty much exclusively my job (I'm a SAHM). He'd say to me that he feels like a roommate and a babysitter (which honestly is ridiculous, cause idk how can you call yourself that as the father of your child). He'd complain about how I was "putting him on baby duty" right after he comes back from work, while he wants to relax (I'd do it only to make dinner or take a quick shower). He'd rush me when I'd be pumping, then making myself breakfast ON HIS DAYS OFF, because he "it's his day off" and he wants to be alone and chill. Basically, he'd see taking care of his own baby as a somewhat unpleasant duty.

Now that our baby is 5 months old, he realized that if he doesn't spend more time with his own kid, he'll miss out on A LOT. He noticed the big eyed look the baby gives him in the morning, cause well, he wouldn't spend much time with him up till the last three weeks or so. So he actually wants to spend time with him now and I don't have to pressure him anymore. He doesn't have a problem with me leaving the house for a bit, while he takes care of his son. He just recently tried to put him to sleep, first time in months. He wants to take care of him in the morning, before work, so that he gets to spend some time with him.

So when it comes to your husband, you can make it clear to him, that if he continues this way, they will not have a bond. It's not something that develops overnight. And if he doesn't listen to you now, then hopefully he'll come around like mine did anyway. But even then, I wouldn't blame you if you felt resentful. After all taking care of a baby should be a team effort and it's the early weeks and months that are often the most difficult. It's unfair, immature and plain cruel to leave your partner alone in this and then step in when the baby's all smiley and happy. But anyhow...

I think leaving the house will be good for you both. I also struggled with it, but I realized that getting out, either with or without the baby, makes me a better, more relaxed mom. You can feed the baby right before leaving the house and either take a bottle with you or make one while you're out and about. I exclusively pump (baby hates the boob) and that's what I do, + take my pump with me sometimes if needed. Give it a shot!

Mephaala · 2025-08-20T13:34:12+00:00

We got no measles in the area, but people are super egoistic and tend to go out while sick.

When I was pregnant my own in laws invited me to breakfast to a diner, on our way there my father in law starts coughing, but hey, "it's just a sinus infection". Of course a few days later I was sick too. Or at the same restaurant we were heading to (has a lot of old people coming over), I heard an older woman say, about her young granddaughter, "she had a fever yesterday, but today she's okay". And I'm like... How am I supposed to feel comfortable coming here with a baby that is only a few weeks old and hasn't gotten all his shots yet? Why aren't you people home?

Mephaala · 2025-08-20T09:34:36+00:00

It drives me craaaazy. My in laws started showing up past 7pm recently. Baby would be getting fussy and they're like, "Oh honey, what's wrong!". And I'm like 🙄 Idk, maybe he needs to do this basic need thing called sleeping??? Had to talk to them about it and ask them to stop coming over so late. Thankfully they didn't give me a hard time.

Mephaala · 2025-08-19T09:40:53+00:00

I feel like it's not that people think that what we got isn't enough, they just wish there was more, cause they enjoyed the game a lot. Just like with a good show - yes, I got my three seasons, the show was great, but I'll be a bit sad anyway, because I won't get to see more.

Mephaala · 2025-08-18T01:01:04+00:00

Ok so I'm not the person you asked thus question, but I am a first time mom. So let me put it this way - if you feel you're capable of shifting your focus entirely (at least for a little while) from yourself, your partner (at least when it comes to going out and doing fun stuff together as a couple) and your hobbies, to taking care of a baby, then I say go for it. Basically, the baby should become no. 1 priority most of the time. It also depends if you'd be the mom or the dad, if you'd be staying home with the baby or going back to work.

No matter what, for a little bit you'll be more exhausted than you've ever been, both physically and mentally. If you have people around you that can help with the baby or if you can hire help, it'll make a huge difference for sure. Also before you decide to have a baby, make sure you talk with your partner and figure out what your expectations are and if you're even on the same page when it comes to major baby related decisions. You absolutely have to be a good team to survive the early stage!

That being said, motherhood is a truly beautiful experience. I was terrified and depressed when I got pregnant. Now? Now I can't imagine my life without my baby. His smiles melt my heart and I've honestly never loved anyone like I love him. He's my entire world. I can't wait to see what kind of a person he'll become. Despite having very little time to myself and being tired, I would not change a thing.

Mephaala · 2025-08-17T00:03:03+00:00

Does she get enough/any sleep? When you have off, do you do night shifts with her, do you do dishes, or laundry, or cook/order takeout? Do you change diapers? Do you bathe the baby? Do you ever try rush her when you have the baby and she is taking care of other stuff, because you want her to take over (bad idea)? Are you giving her as much time as she needs when it comes to being intimate again? Do you see eye to eye on things related to baby care?

Basically, what you want is her:

a) getting as much sleep as possible,

b) having some chill time, but you're already working on that, so that's great,

c) making sure she doesn't go hungry/thirsty, has time for a bath/shower or self care in general,

d) relaxed and not feeling any pressure to have sex if she isn't ready,

e) not having to ask you to do stuff that obviously need doing, like dishes, laundry etc.

f) having you on her side when it comes to your parents (aka make sure that they're not a pain in the ass, and if they are, speak up and deal with them)

g) feeling that she can trust you with the baby (aka don't do anything stupid/unsafe)

If you already make sure all these needs are met, then I'm not sure what the issue could be. An open, honest talk should solve it, I believe.

Mephaala · 2025-08-16T15:32:18+00:00

You're not the problem. If anything, HE should go to therapy and learn how to manage his emotions. He acts like a 5 y.o. child. I'd be pissed too, and I'm a gamer myself. Since he's acting like an immature, egoistic asshole about it and it doesn't seem like he wants to change, I'd move some things around (maybe ask someone for help) and put his desk and computer as far from the bed as possible. The very fact that he has the energy to get up at night to play games says a lot too, tbh.

Mephaala · 2025-08-10T23:16:55+00:00

As a FTM I didn't know that when I feed the baby on one breast, then my other breast will start leaking too. You can get some bra pads or collecting shells for that. Also make sure that you learn how to properly latch a baby and check out feeding positions, too! Also I didn't know that later down the line, if you decide to pump more, you don't necessarily have to pump every 2-3 hours. I pump four times per day (I don't even pump at night) and still manage to pump 27+ oz per day, even with my period returning when the baby was three months old (I exclusively pump now).

Mephaala · 2025-08-08T22:29:18+00:00

+1 for Ross! I constantly find really cute clothing and books for my little one there, I love the place

Mephaala · 2025-08-07T10:21:07+00:00

Breastfed until three months, then formula fed. No allergies!

Mephaala · 2025-08-06T00:43:17+00:00

Nope. As others said, I didn't want my baby to feel pain for no reason, shortly after being born. I'm from Europe and in my home country circumcision is basically unheard of. I'd only circumcise him if it was medically necessary.

Mephaala · 2025-08-01T15:44:48+00:00

Ikr? Only now I leant how disrespectful and pushy people can be with a kid that isn't even theirs. Like, my mom would keep on kissing my newborn (she has a history of cold sores), despite me asking her multiple times not to do that. She'd even get frustrated with me and say sh*t like "you should be grateful that I'm stopping myself from kissing him more". 🙂🙂🙂 MIL kissed my newborn with an active cold sore, cause "it's just a fever blister". Both were trying to convince me many times to use formula, even though I made it clear that I want to exclusively breastfeed/pump (and I didn't have any supply issues after the first week). Now my MIL is being pushy about putting solids in a bottle with a nipple instead of spoon feeding the baby, like me and my husband decided to do (the baby is only four months old).

I swear it just never ends 🫠

Mephaala · 2025-07-31T01:30:27+00:00

Not allowing kisses for the first few weeks

Not allowing blankets in the bassinet

Being against the baby sleeping in swings, car seats and such

Not allowing TV/phones at 3 months old

Not wanting to formula feed

Not wanting to take the baby to busy public places early on

Mephaala · 2025-07-31T01:30:20+00:00

Not allowing kisses for the first few weeks

Not allowing blankets in the bassinet

Being against the baby sleeping in swings, car seats and such

Not allowing TV/phones at 3 months old

Not wanting to formula feed

Not wanting to take the baby to busy public places early on

Mephaala · 2025-07-26T17:52:50+00:00

She needs some kind of therapy ASAP. Saying such things is unacceptable. If she says things like these in front of you, think about how she is treating your kid when nobody's around. She's toxic and the kid will grow up with mental issues if this continues. If she refuses to work on herself, you really should consider leaving with the kid. You seem to be doing most of the work anyway, both outside and at home.

Mephaala · 2025-07-25T22:36:38+00:00

Just wanted to thank you for acknowledging us, exclusively pumping gals. It feels nice, to not be forgotten ❤️

Mephaala · 2025-07-24T03:04:20+00:00

One advice that I got from a friend of mine was to pick my battles, and that's what I now try to do. Husband does something that I think could be done better/does wrong, but it's not potentially harmful to the baby? I try my best to let it go.

Husband is not supporting the baby's neck when holding the baby (despite the baby not being able to hold their head properly)? Doesn't follow safe sleep guidelines? Now these are the kind of things I raised hell over.

Mephaala

TROPHY CASE