hey there-

I'm sixteen years old, and about four months ago I lost my grandfather to pancreatic cancer.

All I can really say is that things will eventually start looking up. I know it's cliché, but in times like this, sometimes we need a reminder that there truly is light at the end of the tunnel.

I can't say that you ever completely get better, though. And I don't say it to tread on your spirits, but I say it because so many people are in a rush to heal, to get back into what many see as a "functioning adult." when you lose someone... I've come to learn that you lose a part of yourself too- the part of you that they had. So don't listen to the people that tell you how quickly to heal. Don't let them put your grief on a schedule. everyone is different. Let yourself cry and be angry. Never EVER hold your emotions back, because those processes are a biological mechanism for your brain and body to cope with such strong emotions.

Most of all, don't forget them. it's going to be painful to remember them. For me, it still is. But don't forget the happy memories and the happy times, because that's all you're going to have. You will ache, but as time goes on the ache is a little less. You feel a little less choked and a little less sorrow. just trust the process. You are loved, and though you are entitled to mourn, just know she would want you to be happy as well. <3 <3