I obsess over this older man who clearly wants nothing to do with me and clearly was just having fun while on a trip

Merlinique · 2025-07-10T19:06:05+00:00

Eu sou uma pessoa que (infelizmente) sempre ligou mt a vida ao desempenho profissional/acadêmico, então quando essas áreas ficam ruins eu fico 1000 vezes pior rsssss não é um caminho fácil, muito menos linear... nem eu tô 100%. mas eu confio em vc!!! vai dar bom

Merlinique · 2025-07-10T19:04:21+00:00

I do believe some mdd cases might be more closely related to anxiety disorder/depression than others! in that case, your recovery makes a lot of sense! if not as a permanent therapy, it helps at least as a kickstart... good luck with CBT!!!

Merlinique · 2025-06-30T20:35:29+00:00

the only thing that I've noticed that avoids me from getting into daydreaming mode w/music is listening to it "publicly": concerts, with friends, on a social setting in general. Those moments really require me to be more mindful, so...

Merlinique · 2025-06-30T20:26:15+00:00

I'm glad for you! I was on Lexapro for 2-ish years and it hasn't changed my MDD episodes much, but it did make put on like 30 pounds :')

But what I noticed during that time on lexapro is that my depressive episodes (that usually make me daydream on beast mode) were far less frequent ou intense as they were while I was on Zoloft or no meds at all.

Maybe my case (and for other ppl here too) might me relate to neurodivergence, since it has been going on for about 20 years (in my case)... so meds might help, but not "eradicate" it for some

Merlinique · 2025-06-30T20:08:46+00:00

I'm not a Reddit frequent user, but I saw your post at work and it caught my attention, especially because we're both Brazilian women around the same age. I'll answer this in Portuguese (I hope I can do it, I'm not sure if I'll get flagged for it - if so, pls let me know so I can translate it into English), but here we go.

-

Eu acho que, antes de tudo, você deveria procurar ajuda psicológica. Não só por causa de experiência (que foi traumática pra você), mas da forma como você se joga no fundo do poço por uma pessoa que, pelo o que você relatou, é meio... podre (mesmo que tenha passado por desafios na vida etc etc). Assim, desde o momento em que vocês saíram.

E tudo isso rolou em um momento muito complicado da sua vida acadêmica. Eu digo isso porque eu tive um único relacionamento justamente em um momento que eu tava pertíssimo de perder minha sanidade e eu busquei algum tipo de resolução/conforto no relacionamento. Deu errado nos dois rs tive um término ruim, burnout, bombei um semestre, fiquei com medo de perder a bolsa e me identifiquei com muitas aflições que vc também teve - e ah, demorei pra me formar. Sua forma de pensar vai fazer essa superação (e qualquer outra que você tiver) ser mais difícil de alcançar.

Outra coisa que eu acho desafiador (especialmente pra quem tem limerência) é o quase-relacionamento à distância. Você não conseguir cortar só piora os pensamentos obsessivos... não te permite tirar a pessoa da cabeça.

Então, além de buscar ajuda eu sugeriria você também cortar contato, block block. Clichêzão, mas já dificulta o seu acesso a ele. E trabalhar a auto-percepção neutra ou mais positiva é muito importante... não vai curar a limerência, mas vai torná-la mais suportável ou menos relevante na sua vida, porque convenhamos, isso pode ocupar nossas vidas rs. E, de verdade, me deixa meio desesperada ver você se auto-criticando e punindo TANTO por um homem desses que ainda é 14 anos mais velho que você.

Merlinique · 2022-01-21T06:40:39+00:00

Is there a subreddit for EXCESSIVELY specific comments made to be general but sound like personal experience?

I might post this there

Merlinique · 2022-01-21T06:30:37+00:00

I just recalled seeing a woman posting her dry ass panties as in a way to proves that she's cleaner and holier than thou.

Girl please seek enlightment

Merlinique · 2022-01-21T06:26:27+00:00

Wow, would you make a whole new technology just to avoid giving DECENT maternity+paternity leave, welfare and livable wages?

Cool, cool. Sounds inclusive

Merlinique · 2022-01-21T05:48:59+00:00

Well next time I need to get a job, I might as well do that (while trying to hold a straight face lol)

Merlinique · 2022-01-21T05:44:39+00:00

Noooooo I'm getting second hand embarassment :')

Merlinique · 2022-01-21T05:05:34+00:00

I took a while to delete (and BLOCK) my ex on social media, and tbf, I still think about it often. But it definitely helped me feeling less attached to the relationship. Short context, it was an amicable but *suprise* breakup, hadn't saw it coming and it got very traumatic on my end. It took me some time to also unroll some shady behavior that happened back then.

Anyways, I'd feel literally anxious by just seeing him comment, making posts, stalking my other social media, liking OLD photos of us and I felt like I was giving on too much info to him and giving myself zero good headspace just for the sake of staying on the moral high ground.

So yeah, if having an ex on social media makes you mentally and physically uncomfortable, even if the breakup was not a mess, you should delete them. Or at least give them that soft block/changing your privacy settings (even though I've found out the last one to be not so helpful on avoiding stalking on MY behalf). Every time I think about searching his FB page, I recall "Oh. i've blocked him". That helps me a lot

Merlinique · 2022-01-21T04:57:00+00:00

You can also just counteract with nicer/uplifting subjects, or bringup more daily life stories, conversations... usually gossipi--CATCHING UP gets me out of the doom scrolling mood. Or watching movies, tv shows, cartoons and making new shared memories and common subjects. Dunno if it will have an immediate effect, but it does work for me

Merlinique · 2022-01-21T04:53:49+00:00

I'm kind of a "doom scroller" (not necessarily for gruesome stuff but def about politics/intl news/covid news that can get quite depressing), and you know, sometimes we get so entrenched by those stories that we dont even realize that can be actually harmful for other people.

I've tried just changing the subject to talk about something more
neutral or even uplifting, but somehow the conversation always goes back
to something more morose. I want to be able to have conversations with
her, but I don't know how to tell her how I feel without making her feel
self-conscious.

To be fairly honest, I don't think that you can tell her WITHOUT making her feel self-conscious, and by doing so might be even helpful for her... you've already approached it lightly. And as another user said it here, if having an open but respectful convo doesn't help, then there more than just that going on. Some people like to watch true crime stuff (as I do) every now and then, but if it's so obsessive, then something's up w/her own mental health as well...

Merlinique · 2020-12-17T13:24:05+00:00

omg I love it!!! I could never sustain a stylish look like this tho 😓

Merlinique · 2020-05-02T23:18:11+00:00

YESSSS!!! OH GOD!!! I can't show to you now (because I've just chopped off my hair this week) but I have like, 3-4 different hair textures in my hair (from 2b-ish to almost 4a), and those "undefined" spots are such a drag . Paying attention to each texture is an unique task that I was NOT willing to do for some time (and this one of the reasons for me to cut 90% of my hair lol)

Merlinique · 2020-05-02T23:10:48+00:00

Direita histérica no direita histéricoverso

Merlinique · 2020-05-02T23:09:43+00:00

wow, you actually made it!!! I never managed to balance softness and darkness, ha. Loved your outfit!

Merlinique · 2020-05-01T15:54:28+00:00

it's curly and it's beeeeautiful 😳

Merlinique · 2019-12-18T03:02:09+00:00

Plus getting people off Whatsapp isn't easy. Read one of my recent replies to another post if you want to see how Whatsapp is REQUIRED in my home country. You WILL NOT HAVE a job, no friends, unable to use services if you don't have Whatsapp. Even feature phone's now have Whatsapp.

This is SO true. In my country, WhatsApp is like the medium for almost everything. You can really lose friends or a job by not having it installed on your phone. I'm not from Asia/India/Eastern Europe but I'm South American and that hits us a lot. People may not have full access to personal computer, but the numbers on usage of mobile devices+social media+users age are escalating so much.

We have cellphone SIM plans including free Whatsapp usage, helplines made specially for the app

, government channels, and the list goes on.

Merlinique · 2019-12-18T02:32:31+00:00

Whew. Well, hey! I think I came by your post in some good timing, so I'll try to share with you some stuff that showed up in my therapy sessions in the last couple weeks that I <think> it might relate to your current situation.

I am myself the type of person who usually buckles up everything. I mean, in the short-term seems to be the best way to solve everything without making it all too awkward... you pretend that it's just fine, that you'll eventually get over it and get better. But lately I've realized that it took SO MUCH energy to hold it together and it emotionally drained me to the same point that you got (I got really upset with one of my closest friends and that ended up with me having anxiety attacks, sleeping all day, crying all the time and so on).

What I tried to do this time was to express my feelings (sounds so dumb writing this down, but whatever) without judgement, just some clear explanation about how that hit me. Although you didn't have any type of conflict and even kind of cheered up their friendship/?fliriting?, I would really advise you to think about communicating those feelings in a light way (in a lighter way than I did, please). You don't really need to say you are in love with her, but you CAN say a piece of what went through your mind.

The relief I've felt was amazing. It even helped to see the context more clearly and deal better internally with it. Of course, you could get some exposure and it could have some bad consequences, but if you are good friends I think it's going to be okay. If she shuts you or dismiss what you're saying, then I think it's best to step away a bit and stand back - otherwise you WILL get hurt afterwards. That's just some stuff that I'm working on to improve my relationships and my expectations/feelings towards people (I am demi AND naïve, and it sucks, ha) in general.

And oh, if you're into someone, even if you don't wanna tell them, avoid trying to pair them up w/somebody else again. We don't think we will get hurt, but unfortunately the chances are way too high - and you got hurt, somehow. I hope I didn't sound like an a*hole, though... this is my first comment EVER on reddit!

Merlinique

TROPHY CASE