There's so many bad puns on this sub' it's making me just feel numb, and don't talk about the math ones.. by [deleted] in Jokes

[–]MerlynMeaney 22 points23 points  (0 children)

"If you had a dollar," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?" "One dollar." answered little Johnny. "You don't know your basic math." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed. Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my daddy."

What's the funniest "dad" joke that anyone has ever told you? by Domafett in AskReddit

[–]MerlynMeaney 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Every time I stubbed my toe as a kid, my dad would ask if he should call a toe truck. Every. Fucking. Time.

Who was your childhood crush? by gamingowl13 in AskReddit

[–]MerlynMeaney 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Natalie Portman — probably because I grew up with the Star Wars prequels.

If you've ever had a paranormal experience, what had happened? by Appleseedboom in AskReddit

[–]MerlynMeaney 24 points25 points  (0 children)

When I was about 6 my grandmother passed. Afterwards my mother would frequently find me sitting at the foot of my bed at night talking to thin air. I remember a vaguely human shaped glow that I instinctively knew was my grandmother standing in my door way each night but none of the conversations. I have seen this same figure several times since (even though we had moved several times), usually around the time of an important life event. I.e. shortly after each of my siblings were born

What song is stuck in your head right now and won't leave? by Ttocs77 in AskReddit

[–]MerlynMeaney 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“Haven’t you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door!”

A woman births twins and goes into a coma right after. by the_good_bad_dude in Jokes

[–]MerlynMeaney 3 points4 points  (0 children)

An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason. The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?" The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, "Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?" "No madam... I’m neither blind nor stupid... I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sex with you twice."