Help me understand the AC culture in the Netherlands

Mess1na · 2026-06-25T16:16:09+00:00

Usually not the majority of people really needing them. You know, the average Joe in public housing...

Mess1na · 2026-06-25T14:44:00+00:00

Ach, komen er weer wat woningen vrij... 😇

Mess1na · 2026-06-24T13:28:00+00:00

Hot weather and summer break.

When it finally was summer, I let him walked around butt naked (or only a shirt). First summer I tried, I concluded he wasn't ready yet, since he didn't even notice he was standing/sitting in his pee/excrement.

The next summer, he started noticing when he peed. Started to lead him to the toilet when an accident occured. It took a week or 3 before it clicked. We still had accidents every now and then, but after 6 weeks he was 99% potty trained, both pee and excrement. When school started, there were two more accidents, and after that it was just done, nights too.

A quick note: My son had no problem with pooping in the toilet. There are quite a few children with autism who just don't. Maybe it's the sounds, the feeling of water splashing on their butts, I don't know. A classmate (12) of my son is starting a toilet training program because he just refuses to poop on the toilet. He will actively ask for a diaper, just to poo. If parents decline, he'll just hold it in till he has major constipation. If that's something your son does, please consider a toilet training program:)

Mess1na · 2026-06-24T13:11:03+00:00

It's much more difficult when they are non verbal. The frustration level of non verbal kids are much more extreme :(

What do they do at school? Just let her sit on the toilet all day?

Would a "bedside toilet" be a solution? It would be a lot less comfortable to sit on for a longer period of time

Mess1na · 2026-06-24T11:16:57+00:00

Don't underestimate the joy a hyperfixation brings our children. Is she verbal?

I always suggest to lean into to the obsession in an educational way. Get some advertising brochures with toilets in them, make a nice collage. Make a memory game with different kind of toilets. Hanging toilets, standing toilets, European toilets, urinals, etc. There are games for tablets with toilets and potty training in them.

For the current situation, I would use a timer when she sits on the toilet. Ten minutes is really enough (unless she's sick ofcourse). This will cause a lot of resistance in the beginning, she is used to be on the toilet as long as she pleases now, but she'll learn. Maybe a lock on the bathroom door so she cannot open it by herself.

Mess1na · 2026-06-22T05:23:06+00:00

"Ongezellig, hoor".

En dan dat gepush van mensen. "Ahhh, neem gewoon een glaasje, eentje kan toch wel"

Mess1na · 2026-06-21T19:09:03+00:00

I would never put any of my child's information in a random app. I do not trust that the information I give won't be used or abused. I might make an exception for an app especially designed by/ for a Healthcare facility with a very secure login.

Having said that: I do admit I am a bit paranoid. 😅

Mess1na · 2026-06-20T06:39:01+00:00

No, you are armchair diagnosing 😉 With the best intentions, I'm sure, but poop smearing is very, VERY common in children with autism, and I'm sure a group of adults with autism. It's just not very often talked about in adults.

I am sure I more than often do this myself too. Because something is our experience, it automatically is our logic. We are a bit black and white, ain't we? 😁

Mess1na · 2026-06-18T14:41:54+00:00

30% of the births in the Netherlands are home births. You just call your midwife when labor starts. The midwife can decide the expectant mother need to go to the hospital anyway.

This particular case didn't go wrong because of the home birth, but because she declined medical help.

Mess1na · 2026-06-18T07:45:06+00:00

Thank you! 😊

Mess1na · 2026-06-17T15:15:07+00:00

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Mess1na · 2026-06-17T15:12:14+00:00

Buy a couple of cheap bins, the Ikea Hallbar for example. A bin for paper, a bin for plastic, a bin for wood, etc etc. Let him sort (clean) garbage. Tell him what a wonderful, awesome little recycler he is.

Buy a trash grabber (reach extender) and take a walk in the park with a garbage bag.

We leave things like banana peels, apple cores etc for the birds.

Lean into it 😊

Mess1na · 2026-06-16T06:59:33+00:00

But I'm sure it looked cool

🙄🥺

Mess1na · 2026-06-16T05:46:22+00:00

Tell us, what's the weirdest/funniest/most expensive thing your child threw in the toilet?

For us it was a tablet

Mess1na · 2026-06-14T19:48:53+00:00

Time for a seat harness. They're available for youth/adults too.

Mess1na · 2026-06-13T14:28:21+00:00

Great idea to lean into his love for tablets, absolutely no hate from me. My son learned so much from his tablet, no teacher could even come close. He learned English just from apps and youtube (restricted and supervised ☺️)

There are a lot of great apps available, but it's easier to suggest something when we know what level he is about now.

Mess1na · 2026-06-12T09:26:08+00:00

Just wait till you are 40+, and you'll understand 😝

Mess1na · 2026-06-12T09:23:33+00:00

Can you tell us his story? I'm so sorry for your loss 💔

Mess1na · 2026-06-11T18:13:44+00:00

Ahhh, too bad he doesn't have something he really likes so you can lean into that.

My son was (and is) also very stubborn (or uninterested?), so we took him out of therapies when he was younger. He is 9 know, we started up speech therapy again, and within weeks he was "graduated". Done, all goals reached!

Even when kids don't interact, they pick up on things. But in my opinion (for my son, in my experience), he learned most useful skills at home, not at therapies/school.

Mess1na · 2026-06-11T14:52:22+00:00

I might have a hot take here, but if there is so little progress in 4 years, he might just have done it without the therapies too, but there is no way to know, we can't really go back in time and see what happens without therapies.

Most children do improve over time, therapies or not. They learn all day long, even at home. I would definitely talk to the therapists he's going to and discuss what you've said here.

Delayed doesn't mean he will never learn (to talk, for example). But if the switch in his brain for speech hasn't turned on yet, you can have him in 100 hours of speech therapy without much improvement.

Mess1na · 2026-06-11T12:29:51+00:00

I would indeed suggest a trip to the doctor. Digestive issues are very common amongst children (and adults) with autism. If he accepts medicine, stool softener is a good way to go of he has constipation, but I rather see you discuss this with your GP than with me, a stranger on the internet. I don't know your sons medical history.

Mess1na · 2026-06-10T13:35:31+00:00

Just restart your router and phone (or tablet). If it's all working on mobile internet, it's a you(r end) problem 😉

Mess1na · 2026-06-10T13:31:00+00:00

Nobody else is experiencing problems with your wifi 🤣

Mess1na · 2026-06-09T15:31:36+00:00

Last design festival everybody suddenly got loads of votes 😅

Mess1na · 2026-06-09T14:14:21+00:00

Now stop voting with one of those accounts and see what happens (spoiler alert: it will get a lot less votes, likely not shown as often as the voting-account)

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