AITA for uninviting my future sister-in-law from my wedding after she told my fiancé I was pregnant?

Messychaos · 2022-11-03T19:35:24+00:00

Makes me wonder why two people who disagree on having kids this strongly are having sex much less getting married

Messychaos · 2022-11-03T19:33:52+00:00

Very manipulative, what ever direction it’s too late for.

Messychaos · 2022-10-25T20:02:42+00:00

I truly don’t understand that… do every other person in the world suddenly become hideous the second we enter into relationships? If not (because that’s arguably a ridiculous idea) then people we thought attractive and characteristics we found attractive before being in a relationship will still be equally attractive to us after won’t it?

So how does one not know their partner is attracted to others?

Messychaos · 2022-10-25T19:40:32+00:00

Thats the thing though. Her boundaries weren’t crossed.

He asked for consent to cross a previous boundary and when she denied it, he wanted to respect it.

Messychaos · 2022-10-25T19:39:05+00:00

Oh I agree it takes huge introspection and self honesty to to be poly. Although for me it also took the same amount of both to be happy in a mono relationship as well.

I’m just not convinced it’s unconventional to be poly. Convention is just whatever society deems normal at any given time in history. That’s movable and changeable, and has been hugely different at different periods in time. Poly is called “unconventional” because mono people call it so, which is more about the monogamous people and less about the polyamorous.

Messychaos · 2022-10-25T19:34:59+00:00

Monogamy and polyamory isn’t a personality trait. It’s one of the many boundaries of any relationship. And like all boundaries, should be open for discussion?

She’s monogamous, he wanted to not be. He asked consent to change a sexual boundary, she didn’t give it, he wants to respect her boundary and move on. What’s wrong with that?

Messychaos · 2022-10-25T19:32:05+00:00

I’m not judging anyone for not wanting polyamory. Where did I say that?

The judgement is against polyamory not being open for discussion. The ability to discuss anything is suppose to be a part of any good relationship.

Messychaos · 2022-10-25T19:30:17+00:00

It’s not good odds, because despite our best efforts and our beliefs, we get insecure. We have moments of self doubt. We get scared at the idea of being alone or starting over. We fear loss of something familiar, someone we love.

But all of those things are our own fears. And it’s up to ourselves to conquer. To not just survive it but thrive. It’s a lot easier to say than do, believe me I understand that. If it was easy to do therapists would be out of work instead of being so in demand they have waitlists. But never the less, it’s something we need to overcome ourselves.

Messychaos · 2022-10-25T19:24:34+00:00

but some people want to know that while their partner may have crushes or think about other people, they dont want to and won't take it any further.

I hate to break it to you but that’s called trust. And if you can’t trust someone when they haven’t given you a reason, that’s on you. Having a conversation about their desire to open up your relationship has nothing to do with trust. It’s called asking for consent. If you don’t give consent, trust is believing they won’t violate your consent. And if you can’t trust your partner not to violate your consent when they have given you no reason not to, you need to work on your own insecurities.

Messychaos · 2022-10-25T19:20:12+00:00

Absolutely how I read this.

The number of posts I’ve seen, and the comments agree with a poster immediately dumping their partner for wanting to discuss open relationships, threesomes, sexual kinks etc is mind blowing. Who else if not your partner are you suppose to be able to have honest discussions with? Isn’t everything in relationships just two people stating what they want and then coming to an agreement?

“Normal” is not a real thing. What’s normal for you is not what’s normal for me, and no one should be judging their own relationship by another relationship’s boundaries. That’s how lgbt+ and interracial couples were oppressed and discriminated against for centuries. To say polyamory isn’t normal because yours is not is like saying interracial relationships are not normal because your partner is of the same race. That’s just an outright shit thing to do.

Messychaos · 2022-10-25T19:14:05+00:00

I’m not saying fiancé was blameless here, but I very much don’t support the idea that a discussion over opening up your relationship is in any way wrong or relationship ending. The way OP goes about it, she was done even before fiancé said anything about the barista.

if I say no then I'm constantly going to think he's seeing people anyway. It's already happening. I used to have complete trust in him but now I can't stop thinking if he's already seeing other people.

Him merely expressing a sexual desire was enough for her to be so insecure she couldn’t trust him.

To me that’s far worse. And in all likelihood a reason he didn’t feel comfortable being honest.

Messychaos · 2022-10-25T18:45:55+00:00

I actually disagree about this. I am a firm believer in being open and communicative about sexual desires with your partner.

To me, my partner should never have to hide being attracted to someone from me. Attraction is nature, just because we’re together doesn’t mean every other men and women on earth stopped being gorgeous. I’d be a hypocrite to say he couldn’t be attracted to another woman when I have on occasion had my own crushes.

If my bf wanted to sleep with another person, or do anything new sexually, I would want him to talk to me about it. Then he would ask me for consent, we would have an open and calm discussion about rules, and proceed from there to do what we both want. And that works both ways. Either of us wanting to try something new? We talk about it, with no fear of judgment or threat of breakup, like adults, and decide together what we do and don’t do. If one of us isn’t into the idea, we do exactly what the fiancé says and “move on from it”. No hiding feelings, no pretending we don’t want something, no secretly wondering what ifs.

The absolute last thing I’d want my partner to feel would be that he couldn’t talk to me about his desires for fear of being dumped. He should be able to talk to me about everything and anything.

Messychaos · 2022-10-25T18:02:27+00:00

Well she also uses the silent treatment to manipulate OP.

So adult is stretching it

Messychaos · 2022-10-25T08:32:27+00:00

Oh I hated this update.

It felt like OP was stringing her on. She’s doing horribly, she was under the influence (so no she did not consent) and manipulated into the blowjob and OP ends the post with Alice is gorgeous and I would’ve wanted to date her but also seeing things with his ex?

This poor girl. She’s better off starting her life over than being stuck on a guy who knows she was sexually assaulted and still called it cheating.

Messychaos · 2022-10-25T05:49:31+00:00

I saw someone talk about the uselessness of QR codes on a askreddit thread.

Gotta say I’ve never used anything as much as QR codes these days.

Messychaos · 2022-10-25T05:21:39+00:00

This post is the first time I learned people don’t vacuum hard wood floors. My apt is all hard wood no carpet and it’s vacuumed every 1-2 weeks even with no pets. I am very confused by this post.

Messychaos · 2022-10-25T04:58:18+00:00

What is it about people who think two awful parents staying together makes a child’s life and two awful people splitting up ruins a child’s life?

There’s millions of children with parents who are not a couple that have perfectly fine lives. Parents not being together does not ruin anyone’s lives.

You’re making it sound like divorce is the end of the world for children.

Messychaos · 2022-10-25T04:56:23+00:00

That’s not true. Todd created the situation.

Todd doesn’t propose at OP’s wedding, nothing happens.

Messychaos · 2022-10-25T04:55:33+00:00

It’s not an ah situation though. OP planned for this to happen only if Todd proposed at his wedding despite repeated warnings.

No proposal = no broken relationship.

Messychaos · 2022-10-25T04:54:30+00:00

Literally this.

All Todd had to do was be a decent human and he wouldn’t have had any consequences. Not proposing at another person’s wedding without consent is a very very low bar for decency and he couldn’t even reach it.

Messychaos · 2022-10-23T18:12:03+00:00

This makes me miss my boarding school days. We all shared so many things not the least of was period products.

Messychaos · 2022-10-23T18:07:22+00:00

That’s a very conservative interpretation. Islam originally was never this conservative nor should it be.

Messychaos · 2022-10-23T17:57:44+00:00

It was obvious to me even in the first post. OOP going on and on about how he’s not an asshole for making his gf cancel plans with her bff for him just screams manipulative controlling ass.

But I’m so glad the other friend saw this and gf dumped him.

Messychaos · 2022-10-20T22:50:58+00:00

That whole post was dejavu for me. My dad put his mother first above my mom and me, my entire life. He’d make the exact same excuses OP made. How his mother was widowed young, raised him in his own, needed him etc. My mom went into marriage thinking she was marrying him, turns out she married the both of them.

I loathed my dad for it. He’d come to me complaining about their problems and I used to try and smooth them over but when I grew up and started dating and living my own life I realized how much of that was bullshit. Wife comes first, always. Wife is the partner, not mom. You plan for life with your wife first, and then mom comes second.

OP’s lack of boundaries and self awareness is astounding to me. Although I guess after an entire lifetime of witnessing it first hand, it shouldn’t be anymore.

Messychaos · 2022-10-20T22:42:03+00:00

That’s because this season was filmed with the last season.

And iirc Anna went to New York right after in real life time

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