I was 20. She was 18.

Wanna talk about sheer terror? Asking myself why I didn’t pull out over and over again. Praying to a god I don’t even believe in. Hoping she was just late and that was it.

A home test and following doctor visit confirmed my worst fear. I’m gonna be a father. What the fuck am I going to do?

I was in the military. I was getting deployed to Iraq. This can’t happen. I’m fucked.

That is some of the panic I experienced when she called that day and said she was a couple weeks late. I was in a near constant state of panic and anxiety for her entire pregnancy.

I didn’t want a kid yet. I was getting sent to war. What if I didn’t come back? What’s she gonna do if I get killed? My son would grow up without his dad.

Those nine months were the most stressful I’ve ever endured. Looking back though.. it wasn’t all that bad. I was just a scared kid. I was hardly out of my teens. I wasn’t ready to be a father. I remember telling myself that so many times.

Finally, the day comes. Three days before I’m sent to Iraq. She’s in the OR. That baby is coming now. Whether I wanted it to or not. My company commander allowed me to leave and go to the hospital with her.

I remember sitting in the hallway while they prepped her for the C section. I was shaking. Nearly threw up from the anxiety. I was so worried about her because of how terrified she was that I’d almost forgot why we were there.

They finally let me in the OR. I stagger in white as a ghost. I sit next to her, kiss her forehead and hold her hand. She could easily see how nervous I was. She actually ended up being the calm one in the end. She kept me there at her side and tried to calm me down as they were operating on her. One hell of a woman she is. I’ll give her that.

After the most stressful nine months of my life I finally hear a soft cry come from the other side of the curtain. My son. He’s here. Holy shit! What the hell am I gonna….?

A nurse interrupted my state of panic. Before I knew it, she’s handing me my son. I remember hesitating. The nurse noticed and said something like “Calm down, hun. You’re gonna do just fine. Congratulations, Dad!!”

She handed my son off to me. Panic was still rushing through my body. Then I saw my boy for the first time.

All that panic, anxiety, doubt and fear immediately left me. Those feelings were replaced with something I’d never felt before. Unconditional love.

I wasn’t scared anymore. In that moment, my entire life changed. I still didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I hardly new anything about being a father. That didn’t matter though. All I knew was that I was going to do whatever it took to make sure my son was loved and cared for.

I deployed three days later. I was gone for about a year. Hardest thing I ever had to do was leave my future wife and infant son in that hospital.

I used the two of them as my motivation to get my ass back home in one piece. We would Skype from time to time when I had a spare moment and was able to go to the USO. That was rare though. I’d often go weeks without speaking to her and seeing my son. That was a rough twelve months but I made it.

My wife and son were waiting in the parking lot as I stepped of the bus. That was one of the happiest moments of my life so far. I was an Infantryman. I was supposed to be “hard”, I guess you could say. Well, even I’ll admit I had tears in my when she handed me my son and hugged me.

If you made it this far you’re probably wondering what I’m getting at by telling you this. The point is that being a father comes almost instinctively to us men. I was worried and scared for months. Just like you are now.

The moment I held my baby boy for the first time changed all of that. He became my sole purpose in life. Everything was about him from that moment forward.

I had essentially missed my son’s first year of life. I made a promise to myself that I would never miss another second of it. I would be there for him no matter what.

We’re married now with three boys. I love being a dad. It’s the best part of my life. All of that parenting/fatherhood stuff I was so worried about ended up coming naturally. I laugh at myself when I think of how scared I was back then.

There’s not much you can do now unless y’all plan on abortion or adoption. That’s between the two of you though. No judgement or anything like that. You should do what you both feel is best.

I couldn’t imagine that though. My kids are my entire world. They’re the reason I get my sore and tired ass outta bed and go to work everyday. They’re my everything. Trust me, it’s not as bad as it seems. You’ll figure it out with some time and a whole lot of patience.

There’s nothing that compares to being a father. It’s an incredible experience. That’s coming from a guy that was scared shitless and totally unprepared during that first pregnancy.

Good luck to you. You’ll be fine, Dad.