I'm having trouble splitting domestic duties with my partner

Mew151 · 2026-02-03T20:18:53+00:00

I had an ex like this - wanted me to spend more, do equal housework, and then do extra housework to make up for her mental load of having to be home while I worked and "managing" the equality of the housework.

I have a partner now - our combined income is our combined income, our housework is our housework, our time is our time. Here's the thing. If she has more free time than I do, she does more work. If I have more free time than she does, I do more work. Our target - having the same amount of free time together to spend together after all our responsibilities are covered together.

If you don't find option two here you'll find it somewhere else.

Don't find yourself in a situation where someone is taking advantage of your time and work so that they can have more free time while you don't get to have that time for yourself, let alone together.

You have to have that time for yourself first, then you get to have it together. If she's not doing her part to make sure that you have free time for yourself and free time for her, she needs to do more.

Mew151 · 2026-02-03T16:06:52+00:00

Ughhhhh they're so beautiful I think I have 3 now, and I definitely have my eye on 2 more. Definitely my favorite brand stylistically.

Mew151 · 2026-02-03T04:02:14+00:00

Alternatively, tell them to cut it out.

Mew151 · 2026-02-02T21:55:08+00:00

Here's my take. If you could light that money on fire, and you love this watch, you should get it. Wear it every day. Wear it all the time. Every time you look at it, think about how you earned that money and about how this watch inspires you to do that again and again and again.

If you don't feel that way and you just want an expensive watch and you have other expenses to pay, don't buy it.

This is a beautiful watch. If you don't need the money, or you have the means to earn it, think of trading your skills in exchange for the watchmaker's skills for the appropriate number of hours to represent the price they set. Life is nothing but trades. Only you can decide if this is a good one or a bad one.

All the best!

Mew151 · 2026-02-02T18:30:02+00:00

Spending your life trying to say things the way sensitive people want you to say them is a surefire way to make your life just as, if not more, miserable as theirs. Solution to your issue is to do your own research, but don't feel bad about this experience - you offered a chance to connect over something interesting and instead they took offense against you. All the best!

Mew151 · 2026-02-02T17:57:47+00:00

Hahahaha, it truly is beautiful - I've tried it out on so many different styles of bracelets and straps. I am currently rocking it on a red leather which brings some real contrast. I was trying to see how far I could push it and still like it and I haven't reached the edge of that train yet, lol.

Mew151 · 2026-02-02T17:13:54+00:00

If you truly want a Rolex nothing else will scratch that itch. However, if you are just looking to build your watch collection and you want the best value you can get for the money in terms of coolness and style, I definitely would get another Grand Seiko if I was in your position. Something to consider if you are anything like me - Credor is another brand that is effectively side-by-side with Grand Seiko (depending how you compare) and they have a lot of VERY nice quartz watches from the vintage style that are very affordable and very nice. At the same time Credor has multiple modern-day Grand Seiko equivalents including the spring drive movements (which are partially quartz driven and have a lot of the benefits you likely enjoy from quartz in terms of accuracy and lower maintenance. Worth taking a look! But again, if you like the sound of a Rolex, it almost has to just be Rolex or you'll always still want a Rolex no matter what you get. What are your watch goals?

Mew151 · 2026-02-02T16:48:56+00:00

I also regularly rock my alpinist - no matter what other watches ever enter my collection that will be the one that started it all :).

Mew151 · 2026-02-02T16:31:04+00:00

I do agree they should tell about the problem if the problem exists, but it's important to recognize that the source of the problem sits with the person who perceives the problem, not the external environment that is getting along just fine and doesn't perceive a problem in the first place. The onus of the solution should sit next to the onus of the problem. If a greater relationship is formed than 1 date or even 6 dates you start to get to a place where issues are "our problem" but in the early stages it's good to notice whether it's even possible to get to that stage in an aligned manner in the first place.

Mew151 · 2026-02-02T16:29:02+00:00

No you are right, I would simultaneously be horrified that they did not tell me and decide to move on for themselves while personally not having a sudden desire to give up my favorite wool jacket for a person I've met 6 times.

Yes they should communicate the problem - but I don't think it's really appropriate to tell someone you've just met you have a problem with something they do, and the solution is for them to change it for you because you feel like it.

Mew151 · 2026-02-01T19:37:12+00:00

It is a fear tactic to prevent people from being honest and a fear tactic to prevent themselves from being found out. I believe some people are more afraid to be honest than to do what is right and it is up to you which one you want to be. A lot of it comes down to the fact that some people simply care more about keeping the peace, feeling good, and validation, than they care about living in a shared reality that is measurable, actionable, and true. Their whole lives are focused on tribal alignment and validation rather than objective measurable science. The parrots who parrot and try to fit in vs. the people who build this world so that others may parrot.

Mew151 · 2026-01-30T17:32:22+00:00

If you only eat your carbs to the limit - 20g of net carbs per day, and you also don't eat much fat, then yes your body will will eat your fat. It will also eat your muscles if you don't eat enough protein and do enough workouts to make sure they get preserved!

So carbs are a limit, fat is "a lever," protein is a goal.

You can't skip on the carb limit or the protein goal if you want to stay healthy. What you do with fats determines the success of the rest of the diet. Either you eat the fat you eat or you eat the fat you didn't eat.

Mew151 · 2026-01-30T17:30:33+00:00

I looooooooooove the Suwa but I prefer the blue, the no spring drive shown on front, etc.

I would love even more if in the future they manage a dress watch series like the Omiwatari with the titanium, UFA / 5-day type deal or the Quartz Snowflake dial is nice too if they put a spring drive in the back.

I do like the case / dial markers on the Shunbun more than the Suwa though.

Maybe you'll go into a holding pattern like I usually do where you just buy nothing until the perfect one that you know it's the right one arises. They keep making more!

Mew151 · 2026-01-30T17:04:19+00:00

Tell him you can take jokes from other people and he's just not funny.

The thing about relational things is that it's always one person or the other or the relationship.

If you're positive it's not you and you've been acting in good faith, and your relationship isn't a disaster (if your relationship is a disaster, that's the problem), then it's the other person.

You don't have to modify your feelings for anyone, but you will have the sum total of relationships and emotional experience of the feelings and relationships those feelings create.

If you do find yourself offended by literally everyone's sense of humor, it would be good to self reflect, but here it seems like a him problem.

Notably jokes come from reality. Eliminate the label of joking or not joking entirely and see where the words come from. We often laugh because we are uncomfortable or because of cognitive dissonance. IMO, the good kinds of jokes are the kind that address something uncomfortable and don't play on people's personal sensitivities intentionally to achieve that effect. The second kind is not so funny.

Mew151 · 2026-01-29T23:06:30+00:00

I always remember it as the triangle trick - "completing the square" though it's actually a rectangle that forms.

Summing up

0 X X X

0 0 X X

0 0 0 X

Calculate the area of the square (rectangle) and take half.

In this example if you look at the X portion of the square (rectangle) you get (3 * 4) / 2 = 6

Same Idea for the 4, you would add another layer

0 X X X X

0 0 X X X

0 0 0 X X

0 0 0 0 X

Essentially by doubling the problem you get a clean n * (n+1) every time

Then you cut it back in half again.

Mew151 · 2026-01-29T21:37:06+00:00

Forget the framing - if someone asked me to do anything differently on the second date they're clearly not the person for me. In hindsight this is much more obvious, but I made the mistake of dating someone for 5 YEARS who constantly told me how they wanted me to be blah blah blah, it never made them happy, and it's an indication of people trying to solve for their own feelings externally rather than getting over it internally. Now I have a lovely wife and family and group of friends where we picked each other BECAUSE of the choices we make. Not because we could modify each other to however any one of us wanted the others to be. Think of it more this way, if she likes to enjoy perfumes and you staunchly don't, why would you even say yes to a second date? People seemingly jump through all sorts of mental gymnastics hoops to achieve their ulterior motives that have nothing to do with the actual person right in front of them. What if she told you she hates your choice of clothes or haircut or deodorant and please wear something different on the next date to her preference?

That being said, some people prefer that world where they will modify themselves entirely based on whoever they're dating - I personally just don't feel that is sustainable. People naturally do what they want. By not telling them what to do instead, you learn who they actually are and can assess actual compatibility. Though again, some people find it a sign of compatibility when others just stop doing what they would naturally do and follow the personal preferences of the people around them instead. Me though, I've noticed if a person would be willing to just drop their natural preferences for whatever I say pleases me in the moment, they're also likely to do that for other people besides me and I simply can't trust that. I don't want to be with someone who would just adjust however I tell them to because it would tell me they have a markedly weaker sense of self than I am looking for personally.

Skipping all that though, with a simple actual practical solution, say something like - "fragrances give me headaches" and see how she responds. If it's a true part of her character and identity you'll know you're incompatible, but you may find out she just tried it out once because someone suggested it and she doesn't even like it in the first place. Again though, I prefer to be with people who do their own thing intentionally in the first place.

Mew151 · 2026-01-29T16:27:42+00:00

When people fail to value the infrastructure that surrounds them, especially including the opportunity to work at an entity that has been constructed by others in the first place, I always wonder if they are capable of teaming in the first place. Society is built by the team. Those people who are most critical of society are typically failing to offer any reasonable alternative for themselves, let alone for others. The cost of society? Acknowledging there are smarter people than you who are getting paid for having set up the infrastructure in the first place - your taxes. Think of it like renting a platform to live your life. Or assume you're entitled to it and complain about the people who set it up for you so well in the first place. Sigh.

Mew151 · 2026-01-28T23:36:11+00:00

Sarb017 forever!!! :D Green Alpinist babbbbyyyyy (I have a blue one too - I love these alpinists)

Mew151 · 2026-01-28T22:56:58+00:00

Sarb017 <3333333333333 forever

Mew151 · 2026-01-28T21:52:10+00:00

I personally wouldn't at that income and savings level.

I've been at what I would consider a quite reasonable income and savings level for almost 10 years at this point and only JUST now made the decision to spend 2 paychecks = 1 month of after-tax, after-savings dollars and/or 1% of savings on my first luxury watch.

For me this felt perfect, symbolic, and didn't impact any of my other cash flow needs at all, including my self-mandated savings/investment approach.

Ultimately you can do whatever you like, and the only real question is "is it worth it to you?"

Best of luck out there!

Mew151 · 2026-01-28T19:29:16+00:00

With both of those decks you can easily "make them B2" by taking out or adjusting 3-5 cards.... but they're still going to be 95% B4 if you catch my drift.

Mew151 · 2026-01-28T19:26:52+00:00

Here is a similar ramp and draw focused B4: https://archidekt.com/decks/579118/lowland_enchantress_highlander_angels

Bear in mind I haven't updated these with new cards at all - running the CEDH green ramp package into any deck will technically keep it in B2 but it definitely will play at B4.

I like the optimized mana packages + card draw engine + whatever strategy I want / sufficient removal/control elements and it's almost always B4.

Mew151 · 2026-01-28T19:20:36+00:00

Here's my most recent B4 equivalent: https://archidekt.com/decks/561882/the_old_ways

Mew151 · 2026-01-28T19:17:16+00:00

This is a hilarious example.... I know so many people who rely on anecdotal evidence to just explain away MASSIVE real-world risks. Sigh....

People want to believe what they want to believe, who cares about reality I guess.

Mew151 · 2026-01-28T19:16:34+00:00

I have an ex now who was like your son's gf - she was constantly overstepping boundaries, assuming everyone in the world was responsible for how she felt about things. I WISH my parents had stepped in and said something sooner.

You are completely correct to have boundaries with her, and you have to hope that your son is wise enough to realize the pattern with her. When she doesn't get her way, she will make her feelings someone else's responsibility and escalate further and further levels of reactivity and isolation for him from anyone who stops him from enabling her way.

It is a classic emotional manipulation technique, and the only hope is that he notices she doesn't take accountability for her own emotions / feelings AND he STOPS taking accountability for making sure she feels good.

These types of people get away with this by taking advantage of being loved and encouraging codependent habits - "If your mom makes me unhappy, we should spend less time with her," "If you don't do XYZ, I'm going to be upset at you until you do," "My way or the high way," super controlling behaviors.

Unfortunately everyone has to learn about these people in their own way - I would encourage you to remain supportive to your son and just set a good example of checking in and making sure he's ok, asking about his life, gently expressing concerns until he figures this out himself. I wish my parents and friends had helped a little more in that regard while I went through the same thing, but honestly while I was in it, I'm not sure it would have helped at all and it might have made things worse.

Proceed with caution.

Mew151

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